Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2016 12:11:46 GMT -5
I'm just sitting here trying not to cry at work, trying to keep it together - again. I thought we had an agreement, but apparently not. His lawyer did the first draft of the MSA and big surprise, she did a terrible job because she isn't a family law attorney. My lawyer basically had to redo it completely. There was a bunch of missing language - all standard. Things that would make a judge kick it back to us and make us redo it. So, my lawyer redid the document (which wasn't easy since his lawyer doesn't even use Word - she has some archaic word processing program that is no longer used). And of course, they are objecting to every single change, even though it's all standard stuff. So here we are again - more money down the drain just trying to get a simple, standard, no frills agreement. Meanwhile, I'm covering all of our adult daughter's expenses this summer because he isn't "required" to support her even though she's just starting her sophomore year in college at the end of the month.
But hey, his lawyer tells him what he wants to hear and evidently he's happy to pay her to do so. Now they want to take me back to court to have the temporary support orders changed because I'm now working full time. Hello? Why not just sign the stupid MSA and let us all move on? They are both morons - it takes a minimum of two months to get a court date. Two months where he will have to pay the higher support because the last orders are still in effect. Or he could sign the agreement and start the lower amount NEXT MONTH. What flavor stupid is this man? And where did he find this idiot lawyer?
I'm so frustrated and angry and depressed I could just scream. At this moment, I hate him. Every single time I relax and start to hope that we will be able to find our way to a comfortable (if not cordial) relationship, he does something to make me wish he would just disappear. I hate his stupid obsession with protecting every dime he's ever had. I hate his short sighted stupidity. I hate, hate, hate his lawyer. I wish the two of them would get locked in a closet together and slowly starve to death with only each other's company. And preferably before he has a chance to change the beneficiary on his life insurance policy.
This day is not starting off well.
|
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Aug 16, 2016 12:21:27 GMT -5
My sympathies, @mountainrunner.
I have seen more than once people who would injure themselves, so long as it causes their ex pain. I can only say that karma does catch up to them, but that doesn't help the immediate pain.
And why isn't your ex required to pay child support for your daughter's expenses? Even after 18, there is an obligation to fund schooling if she's still a dependent. I would have expected the temporary order to have covered this.
Do strongly consider asking the judge to award your legal fees since it's coming as a result of him dragging his feet and his lawyer's ineptitude.
|
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Aug 16, 2016 13:17:51 GMT -5
As difficult as this sounds , lean not on your own understandings. You are going to use your valley experiences way more than your mountain top experiences ( sucsess stories)
You dig wells in valleys, not on top of mountains.
Thank you for sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly, that can come with divorce. By doing so you are helping others to prepare for the road ahead.
Try not to let life's circumstances bring down your reality!
I am thankful you have:
Your family.
Your friends.
Your children.
Your new job.
Your attorney.
Your roof over your head.
Your clothes on your back.
Your giving, sharing spirit.
Your inner and outer beauty!
Hope it helps! =)
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2016 13:25:52 GMT -5
I didn't want to say this before, but unfortunately you're finding it out. With a certain type of probably sociopathic person so blinded by rage they fail to consider their own best interest, it never really ends. His lawyer intentionally fucked that up. My gf and I will never be able to completely let our guard down until shithead finally eats himself to death. It has been quiet, but you can bet a dollar to a donut if he finds some way to strike again he will.
I hate to say this and maybe I shouldn't. But it has become your reality. I hope he's just making one last hateful gasp.
|
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Aug 16, 2016 14:07:45 GMT -5
I'm so sorry MR. I hope this turns around on him and a judge sees what a dick he is and makes him pay you more. If there's anything extra you can demand from him now that you didn't before, Go for it!!
|
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Aug 16, 2016 14:48:50 GMT -5
Keep us informed what your attorney does about this situation. I can only imagine how word spreads about such things, amongst attorneys! Hopefully a judge will see the added strife and tribulation you have had to endure and reward you greatly for it. What's your attorney's reaction to this? Are her hands tied?
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2016 17:20:50 GMT -5
There's not a lot my attorney can do other than try to explain to his attorney that we're not trying to do anything tricky or underhanded. She's as frustrated as I am with the whole situation. She had already apologized to me because she had to charge me to rewrite the MSA because it wasn't done properly.
I'm afraid that @phinheasgage may be right. This is his way of punishing me and he just doesn't care what it costs. Either that or he is just blindingly stupid. Or maybe he's too lazy to investigate and see that his lawyer is sadly uninformed about family law. Not that it really matters - whether his actions are malicious or just uneducated, the effect on me is the same.
In six weeks, it will be a year since I started this whole thing. It looked pretty simple at the beginning, but it's turned out to be a mess. Regardless of what he and his attorney pull, the outcome is going to be basically the same. The only difference is the amount of pain and the amount of money spent getting there.
Please, please let karma be a real thing. And please, oh please, let life be kind enough for me to see it come around and whop him upside the head.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2016 17:40:22 GMT -5
And why isn't your ex required to pay child support for your daughter's expenses? Even after 18, there is an obligation to fund schooling if she's still a dependent. I would have expected the temporary order to have covered this. Do strongly consider asking the judge to award your legal fees since it's coming as a result of him dragging his feet and his lawyer's ineptitude. In my state, there is no legal obligation for him to help with our daughter's expenses, including her college education. He hasn't pushed it so far as to refuse to pay for his share of her tuition, but he's quite happy to let me cover all her other expenses this summer since she lives with me. He knows I have no legal ground to request help so he just says nothing. Then he has the gall to chastise me for allowing my stress to "leak out and affect" our daughter. I'm sure my attorney will be asking for additional legal fees since there is literally no reason to go back to court except that he and his lawyer are morons. The judge had already awarded me partial attorney fees at the last court date. This is just all insane - we're not arguing over anything normal like custody or the amount of support. He just wants to strip me of all my legal rights - for example, they want me to waive my right to take him back to court if any assets are discovered after settlement. Um, no. And why does he want that in there anyway? Not that I'm suspicious or anything. I'm just tired of thinking I'm done and then having him jerk the rug out from under me again. |
|
|
|
Post by unmatched on Aug 16, 2016 18:01:50 GMT -5
@mountainrunner I am so sorry. I hope he gets locked in a closet too. Preferably with some of those scarab beetles that eat you very slowly over a long period of time.
Karma is a real thing and his life is made shallow and depressing every day because of the choices he makes. The trouble is as long as you are still married to him it is making your life miserable too.
I liked the idea of trying to get your lawyers fees paid. And I know nothing about family law but is there an option to just take him to court and let the court decide what is fair? It might be a good threat if nothing else.
In the meantime i will cross my fingers for you and hope his lawyer gets hit by a truck!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2016 19:48:48 GMT -5
There's not a lot my attorney can do other than try to explain to his attorney that we're not trying to do anything tricky or underhanded. She's as frustrated as I am with the whole situation. She had already apologized to me because she had to charge me to rewrite the MSA because it wasn't done properly. I'm afraid that @phinheasgage may be right. This is his way of punishing me and he just doesn't care what it costs. Either that or he is just blindingly stupid. Or maybe he's too lazy to investigate and see that his lawyer is sadly uninformed about family law. Not that it really matters - whether his actions are malicious or just uneducated, the effect on me is the same. In six weeks, it will be a year since I started this whole thing. It looked pretty simple at the beginning, but it's turned out to be a mess. Regardless of what he and his attorney pull, the outcome is going to be basically the same. The only difference is the amount of pain and the amount of money spent getting there. Please, please let karma be a real thing. And please, oh please, let life be kind enough for me to see it come around and whop him upside the head. That's the best part of karma...when you get to see it in action. Here's hoping you get center ice seats. |
|
|
|
Post by baza on Aug 16, 2016 19:51:23 GMT -5
Quoting you here Sister MountainRunner.
"Not that it really matters - whether his actions are malicious or just uneducated, the effect on me is the same"
What you have said here really ought go up in lights at the entrance I reckon, for it is the universal truth of this group.
The "why" doesn't matter.
|
|
missinhard
New Member
A mistake repeated more than once is a decision.
Posts: 12 
Age Range: 41-45
|
Post by missinhard on Aug 16, 2016 22:41:23 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to hear that it comes to this. I had to stop working in family law because of the callousness and viciousness just to stick it to the other party all the while hurting the kids in the process. It's so unnecessary. I'm sorry for the pain you are going through. I hope it will be resolved sooner rather than later.
|
|
|
|
Post by Dan on Aug 17, 2016 8:34:42 GMT -5
MR, I definitely echo everyone echo all the sympathies expressed by everyone. I know you to be a kind-hearted, earnest woman -- so for him to drive you to the point of "hate, hate, hate" (your words!) truly speaks to how AWFUL he (and his lawyer) are being. I'm truly sorry to hear of the roller coaster he has you on. Or maybe a better analogy is a bad horror movie: just when the perky, determined, admirable female protagonist thinks the evil has been dealt with, the directors throw ANOTHER cheap jump scare in to the script. Ugh! --- This stands out for me: In my state, there is no legal obligation for him to help with our daughter's expenses (because she's over 18), including her college education.... Then he has the gall to chastise me for allowing my stress to "leak out and affect" our daughter.So it sounds like he is saying contradictory things: "Hey, our kid is still a kid; treat her with kids gloves; don't drag her in to adult things like the disagreements between us." And yet: "She's an adult, so legally I don't owe her or you any support; she's adult enough to be on her own, and she's choosing to live with you for the summer, which doesn't hit me wallet, so I'm OK with that." Frankly, he just can't have it both ways. I don't suppose appealing to him directly with the illogic of his views will accomplish much, but -- if prepared -- you just MIGHT be able to make this point. This is too long winded to actually say to him, but saying this is the gist of my point: "If you want US to treat her jointly like the still-financially-dependent young-adult that she is, then chip in financially for her expenses OTHER THAN tuition... and I'll keep my lip shut about what a creep/ass/jerk you are being. But if you want to 'stick it to her' as an 'adult' and NOT provide the financial support to her that you would if we were still married, then I'm not going to 'protect' her from you, or my adult opinions about you. You are then making the adult decision to screw with her as an adult... and she is entitled to have an adult opinion about you." --- On a related legal/financial/tax note, I assume (as a college student) one of you can still legally claim her as a dependent on your tax returns. But if you are paying 50% of her tuition and ALL of her out-of-pocket still-basically-living with you expenses, you might be entitled to most or ALL of her deduction. And yet, financially, if he makes more than you, he would benefit more from "having her as a deduction". Ask your lawyer (or tax person) if you can use this somehow to your financial benefit; for example he agrees to chip in $$ for her summer support, then maybe you could "yield" her as a deduction on HIS taxes... and you both actually save a little money. OK, well... that assumes he is acting rationally and a few bucks here or there make a difference to him. Evidence (of his behavior to-date) is to the contrary... so, scratch that, I suppose. |
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Aug 17, 2016 12:37:25 GMT -5
MR, I definitely echo everyone echo all the sympathies expressed by everyone. I know you to be a kind-hearted, earnest woman -- so for him to drive you to the point of "hate, hate, hate" (your words!) truly speaks to how AWFUL he (and his lawyer) are being. I'm truly sorry to hear of the roller coaster he has you on. Or maybe a better analogy is a bad horror movie: just when the perky, determined, admirable female protagonist thinks the evil has been dealt with, the directors throw ANOTHER cheap jump scare in to the script. Ugh! --- This stands out for me: In my state, there is no legal obligation for him to help with our daughter's expenses (because she's over 18), including her college education.... Then he has the gall to chastise me for allowing my stress to "leak out and affect" our daughter.So it sounds like he is saying contradictory things: "Hey, our kid is still a kid; treat her with kids gloves; don't drag her in to adult things like the disagreements between us." And yet: "She's an adult, so legally I don't owe her or you any support; she's adult enough to be on her own, and she's choosing to live with you for the summer, which doesn't hit me wallet, so I'm OK with that." Frankly, he just can't have it both ways. I don't suppose appealing to him directly with the illogic of his views will accomplish much, but -- if prepared -- you just MIGHT be able to make this point. This is too long winded to actually say to him, but saying this is the gist of my point: "If you want US to treat her jointly like the still-financially-dependent young-adult that she is, then chip in financially for her expenses OTHER THAN tuition... and I'll keep my lip shut about what a creep/ass/jerk you are being. But if you want to 'stick it to her' as an 'adult' and NOT provide the financial support to her that you would if we were still married, then I'm not going to 'protect' her from you, or my adult opinions about you. You are then making the adult decision to screw with her as an adult... and she is entitled to have an adult opinion about you." --- On a related legal/financial/tax note, I assume (as a college student) one of you can still legally claim her as a dependent on your tax returns. But if you are paying 50% of her tuition and ALL of her out-of-pocket still-basically-living with you expenses, you might be entitled to most or ALL of her deduction. And yet, financially, if he makes more than you, he would benefit more from "having her as a deduction". Ask your lawyer (or tax person) if you can use this somehow to your financial benefit; for example he agrees to chip in $$ for her summer support, then maybe you could "yield" her as a deduction on HIS taxes... and you both actually save a little money. OK, well... that assumes he is acting rationally and a few bucks here or there make a difference to him. Evidence (of his behavior to-date) is to the contrary... so, scratch that, I suppose. Not sure how the child deduction thing works in other states but in Florida in my marital settlement agreement it states that I am claiming my daughter and he is claiming my son. I chose to go with the younger child so I have more years of a tax deduction. @mountainrunner if it's not too late and your state allows it and you didn't already think of it then try to claim your son solely since he is younger unless it works a different way in your state. Just an idea. Big hugs! |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2016 14:46:57 GMT -5
@mountainrunner I'm sorry you're dealing with such a horrible person. That's really despicable behavior from your ex, especially the part where he is denying your daughter support. I hope you're playing hardball with him just as much as he is with you because it doesn't sound like you have anything to gain by being "nice."
|
|
