Pity party at my house! All invited

I feel you Helen. Not the same but close. It is really hard to find a new job feeling like this.

Why in the world did your therapist fire you?

Awe Helen, you definitely pull no punches. I love your direct and unyielding analysis -- you understand the problem.

Don't get too mad at your bootstrapping friend. I'm sure she means well. I suspect she's never actually tried bootstrapping -- that's a really hard lesson.

You just need a jump start, a little pushing, and some encouragement (all outside energy).

I'm recommending against the booze. Causes more problems than it solves.

Time to get those distant friends to return all those favors over the years. Tell them, don't ask, tell them " I need someone to take me to dinner!" That may sound like bootstrapping, yet you would be saying " I am in need, help me!" Relationships, friendships, are give and take. Time for some taking!

Helen, I feel you. As most of you probably know - I ended the relationship with my refuser in January. We are still friends, and he says he would "help me in any way he can" but I'm pretty sure that does not extend to taking me back in a relationship.

And truthfully - if the relationship was going to be the same as it was for the past 3 years - I don't want to get back with him. Maybe I'm asking for the moon here, but I would like to be in a stable relationship with a man who is compatible with me physically and mentally. It seems like most of the other people in the world are able to accomplish this, but not me. So I feel like something is wrong with me as a woman.

And, as most of you also probably know - I got laid off from my job. The job that I accepted partly so that I would have a good excuse to move out of the town where my refuser lives, and create a little distance between us. I think that living as a de-facto single for about a year helped me to end the relationship with him. Because when I have a decent-paying job - life as a single is bleak and dull, but not scary.

Now that I'm unemployed and single, life could get scary.

I've only been unemployed for 2 weeks, so I think it's too soon for me to start developing a serious mental illness from the anxiety and depression about it. I found out that I didn't get one of the jobs I interviewed for. But, it would be very unusual to get a job offer out of the very first interview I've had. I did interview at another place last week, but have not heard back from them yet. Luckily, I am seeing a decent number of other jobs to apply for, so I'm applying for everything in the area that it looks like I could qualify for.

I really love it where I live now, but might be willing to relocate (depending on where you're asking me to relocate TO. No deep south, please.)

Helen, I of all people will NOT give you the bootstrap lecture. I loathe people who do that. I would bet money that if any of them was confronted with a breakup and a layoff at the same time, they would NOT be instantly rebounding and be cheerful all the time.

I'm not a saint or a heroine. I do not want to build any more character or get any more "strength" or "personal growth." I'm strong enough and I've grown enough, thank you very much. I do not want to be like Helen Keller, or any other famous person who had a shitty hand dealt to them and then managed to do great things for humanity.

To give me some credit, I'm also not asking to be like the Kardashians or Paris Hilton, who basically do NOTHING and yet get billions of dollars and all the fun a person could want. I never expected to be rich or famous.

I want a decent job that I can keep for at least a few years (fuck outsourcing, downsizing, and general corporate douchebaggery up the ass with a splintery flagpole!) And, I want a normal relationship; and I'm not asking for Prince Charming to just drop into my lap. I'm asking for a compatible man who has about the same attractiveness quotient as me, to see why I'm worth what it takes to maintain the relationship.

Some people might think I'm asking for the moon, but I beg to differ. For middle class people living in a developed nation, a decent job and a normal relationship are NOT asking for the moon.

Thanks for invite. I'll join in drowning away your depression. that's what we're here for...a bunch of cheerleaders to cheer you up.
Sorry to hear about your rough time. Things will get better soon.

I so know how this feels. I've have a ridiculously challenging year of loss after loss, betrayal, serious money problems, death of a parent, you name it. I don't work in the corporate world (which I thought was supposed to be more dependable than the arts---oh well), I work for myself and have been up for some major projects that would have meant financial stability and career advancement multiple times and haven't gotten one. The way I am trying to get through each day is to tell myself that everyone goes through really bad stretches. Eventually our luck usually turns around, or at least isn't always bad. The worst tends to be temporary. But I have to fight a lot of the time to keep all the bad shit that's happened at bay so I don't get in bed for six months to cry. It builds up.

I don't know how I'm going to solve my money problems, how to get more career stability, what will happen next. A lot of the time my problems feel insurmountable. I know though that somehow I will find a way through, because I have to. And you will too.