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Post by nancyb on Nov 30, 2016 5:56:47 GMT -5
We are polite to each other. "Thank you for making me coffee. Thank you for taking the dog out etc. (A lot of times I feel like we're cardboard cutouts and the sexless years have amounted to a surreal relationship devoid of life and meaning. We say these things automatically and there is very little meaning left besides being polite. For me politeness in my relationship is all that's left of it.
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Post by nancyb on Nov 29, 2016 5:50:06 GMT -5
I used to think the 'why' mattered a lot because I felt if I could just get to the root cause then maybe 'we' could take steps to rectify the SM...turns out I was the only one who really wanted things to change and when the pressure got be too great he took the easy road and buggered off. Now I think i wastes a lot of brain power trying to solve someone else's problem.
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Post by nancyb on Nov 28, 2016 16:24:28 GMT -5
I love seeing the women dance.... strip, burlesque whatever.. You can always learn from the pros and the dancers like when a woman is there appreciating her athleticism and sexuality.
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Post by nancyb on Nov 28, 2016 16:20:43 GMT -5
The hands! I noticed this in my SM long time after the handhold was already dead. I racked my brain but couldn't ever pinpoint the moment of death on the handhold either. I'd believe that the affection died before the sex and I had not known it. I love that she wears her glasses. I too wear glasses & y'day took my first ever pole class. I'm no good at it (yet) but it was still pretty empowering to try it. I'm signed up for a few more - 4 classes just to try it out. I'll report back...someday...on my progress. GG: I have a beautiful, gauzy blue gypsy scarf covered in jingly jangly coins. It's meant to be worn around the hips when belly dancing. You have inspired me to take a class.
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Post by nancyb on Nov 28, 2016 16:10:26 GMT -5
I must be in the 1/3 of women who have been fortunate to have made it through menopause with my libido intact. Sure things aren't what they were at 25 but I still think about sex multiple times a day. My STBX refuser shamed me and called me a sex maniac...he can fuck off now. I no longer think I am the abnormal one.
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Post by nancyb on Nov 27, 2016 21:31:11 GMT -5
I replied to Craiglists ad and so far it's only been penpals. What are the good dating websites? I don't mind paying a bit and I am from Canada eh.
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Post by nancyb on Nov 27, 2016 21:28:43 GMT -5
I agree...the marriage becomes a facade really. For me conversations distilled to one word answers from him. I wasn't at all engaged really the last few years. I never shared the fact that I gave a BJ to a younger man who happened to me my landlord at the time. Should have been a fuck my he was too uptight about me being married.
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Post by nancyb on Nov 27, 2016 20:55:50 GMT -5
Well said. Hope springs eternal..
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Post by nancyb on Nov 27, 2016 20:42:07 GMT -5
"Sex but no substance" Huh, not looking so bad from here.... Hindsight is 20/20 my friend.
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Post by nancyb on Nov 27, 2016 20:39:47 GMT -5
Or maybe people just aren't naturally monogamous Bingo!
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Post by nancyb on Nov 27, 2016 20:37:03 GMT -5
Actually all of our stories make me sad. Sexual intimacy is a basic human need like food or water. In the end we are all just lonely hearts looking for love. True that all of us are just lonely hearts looking for love. Our spouses? Narcissist, manipulative controllers, controllers, takers, asexual ,grey sexual, menopause, low libido, mental disorders, fear of intimacy, drug abusers, alcohol abusers, cheaters, gamblers, etc... (I'm sure I have left out a few) I didn't just mean ILIASM folks. I think the human drive is toward connectivity.
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Post by nancyb on Nov 27, 2016 20:30:34 GMT -5
It's a valid question. It has certainly been something I pondered. It is why I may not marry again. This is my second kick at the can. The first marriage had sex but no substance; the second had substance but no sex. I do not think there will be a third time.
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Post by nancyb on Nov 27, 2016 20:23:39 GMT -5
Actually all of our stories make me sad. Sexual intimacy is a basic human need like food or water. In the end we are all just lonely hearts looking for love.
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Post by nancyb on Nov 27, 2016 20:20:12 GMT -5
I keep going over and over things in my mind. How could I have stayed in a SM for 14 years. I feel so stupid. If, and right now it's a big if, I should ever have a serious relationship with a man how do I find out if they are horny too? Not just in the honeymoon phase. Is a SM something you 'declare' like a prior STD? LMAO
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Post by nancyb on Nov 27, 2016 20:11:05 GMT -5
Wow. About ten years ago when I felt like things were slipping, I did some research online and ordered a little vibrator that I thought might rekindle her interest.....but oh man, when it arrived she heaped shame upon me and that thing was being returned the very next day. I think she was appalled. I felt like shit. I was trying. But in hindsight, it is all crystal clear. That is just so sad.
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