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Post by solodriver on Dec 31, 2019 11:40:53 GMT -5
Apocrypha said: “ I went on a kick of "Just say yes!" to virtually any activity that a person in my orbit suggested, sampling and expanding my experiences, stories, social networks, and activities to things I'd normally never have considered.” I did this, too, and in the process discovered the type of people and activities I enjoyed having in my life. That resulted in my becoming the kind of person I’d always admired. It also led to my without angst divorcing. He no longer was the type of person who fit in my life. This is what I'm looking forward to also. I find myself becoming very open to things that I would have outright rejected so many years ago. Maybe age does have something to do with it.
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Post by solodriver on Dec 30, 2019 23:52:38 GMT -5
I hiked several miles of the C&O with my Boy Scout troop as a teen.
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Post by solodriver on Dec 30, 2019 19:12:45 GMT -5
This is outstanding information and I would encourage you to post this under "Resources" section.
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Post by solodriver on Dec 30, 2019 16:10:04 GMT -5
Thank you for sharing that saarinsta. That was beautiful and I've written that down in my SM journal to remind me, especially the last part. This was a great message especially as we all begin another year. A lot of us are still caterpillars trying to transform within the cocoon of the SM and transform into butterflies to be free, live, love and be loved again.
That's where I see myself right now as I struggle to get the finances in shape to make my escape and be able to live and support myself.
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Post by solodriver on Dec 30, 2019 12:50:59 GMT -5
Continuing to work on myself and work towards separation from my refuser.
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Post by solodriver on Dec 11, 2019 21:21:58 GMT -5
I convinced myself we quit having sex because I got fat. One day I looked through pictures and realized we weren't havening sex then and I was not fat. Later when I decided to reclaim my life I lost weight still nothing. It's them it's not us. Agreed 100%. My income/fitness/helping around the house/etc (i.e. the whys) haven't moved the needle ever. She just doesn't want to have sex with me. If I had a nickel for every article I read that said something like, "the key is communication, spice up your sex life with candles, try helping around the house more". If you're in a minor dry spell, tired with young kids then these things probably do help. If your spouse just doesn't want to have sex with you or is on the asexual end of the spectrum, none of it matters a wit. The problem is, it still hurts. It hurts EVERY SINGLE DAY!!
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Post by solodriver on Dec 11, 2019 21:14:15 GMT -5
You're right and it's the same in each and every case of the members of this group.
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Post by solodriver on Dec 7, 2019 22:11:59 GMT -5
"My partner and I have sex more than 4 times a week. But everyone's happy. It doesn't mean that we're compensating for something else, it's that this is one of the ways we express affection and care for each other, plus it feels good and is fun."
This, to me, is what lovemaking should be about. Wanting and desiring to be intimate and loving with the one you love. Anything else , to me, isn't right.
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Post by solodriver on Nov 28, 2019 13:32:12 GMT -5
I definitely think it's possible. Another very good reason that if you recognize you are in a SM early and have reasonably tried to repair it and can't, get out!
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Post by solodriver on Nov 26, 2019 4:46:57 GMT -5
My dream is to share this song one day with a new love.
Enjoy!
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Post by solodriver on Nov 19, 2019 23:57:06 GMT -5
My wife came down this morning and said she was ready for her breakfast, I blurted out I was ready for my blow job, let's see how that pans out. ROTFL. I just spit my drink across the room.
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Post by solodriver on Nov 19, 2019 23:53:32 GMT -5
My wife came down this morning and said she was ready for her breakfast, I blurted out I was ready for my blow job, let's see how that pans out. ROTFL.
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Post by solodriver on Nov 19, 2019 23:49:22 GMT -5
The same can be said for us (women). Those small little things that men do to show they care mean the world to us! In my world, a big romantic gesture is nice but the little thoughtful gestures are priceless. What do the rest of you women think? My wife just doesn't know how to accept love from me. I used to buy her flowers on valentines and our anniversary; she said it was a waste of money. I used to buy thoughtful gifts for Christmas and special days; she said she just wanted gift cards instead. I used to invite her to romantic overnight get always; she wouldn't go without the kids. I used to try to cook meals before she got home to make her evening easier; she would complain I didn't cook what she had planned. Eventually you stop trying. Hopefully I'll have someone else some day that will accept my romantic gestures. I loved doing stuff for my wife on those special days. But after she told me it was all a waste of money, I quit. Now we don't do anything for any special days. They just come and go.
Such a damn waste of a life.
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Post by solodriver on Nov 19, 2019 23:47:16 GMT -5
Wow I didn’t realise it was so extraordinary. I did a million and one little things explicitly intended to communicate what he meant to me, to bring him joy and to feel loved when we were apart. I suppose I thought this was what everyone did. Sort of like “I love you” in actions rather than words. Actions always speak louder than words I find. For both good and ill. Wish I could trade places with your ex. Some people just don't know how damn lucky they have it.
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Post by solodriver on Nov 11, 2019 17:49:38 GMT -5
This hypothetical hinges on ones' relationship status as being - "everything is great bar the sex". That the only problem in the situation is the sex, and that everything else is just dandy. That there are no other problems bar the sex. Now to be honest, my deal was - "everything is pretty sub-optimal and there's not even any sex to compensate". Had there been some way to get my deal up to a point where - "everything is great bar the sex" - that would have been a stupendous improvement in my marriage. Probably, if my deal had achieved that lofty standard of "everything is great bar the sex" I could've lived with that, and I'd probably still be in it. So here's my hypothetical .... You are offered a clarity pill. If you take this pill you will receive clarity and you will be able to see things as they really are. Would you take it ? Personally, I have grave doubts that I would be game enough to take the clarity pill. I'd have been very fearful of finding out a lot of shit I'd rather not have known. I took the clarity pill. And nothing has ever been the same since. I'm living my truth and know that there is no going back to what used to be. But now there is hope that I might have something better for my future, that I won't have staying with my roommate wife.
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