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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 30, 2022 6:27:31 GMT -5
It's good to see you again lessinham,... I went back and reread a # of your posts. what I am seeing in this post is the recurring draconian rules she imposes on you daily. Her endless need to control every facet of your life and her seeming need to squash anything that might provide you with a moment of pleasure or happiness. In the many years I have spent on this and the old EP forum I don't think I have seen a relationship so one sided as what you endure. You once described your W as funny and otherwise amiable to be around. I don't see any of that in your posts. She seems to be anything but fun to be around.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 29, 2022 17:58:08 GMT -5
greatcoastal , yes that seems to be true. I’ve read tales of people who use online dating more for personal validation and as a social filler, and never have an intent to actually meet the person they’re talking to. DC I have experienced this any # of times on a dating site. Right now I think I am having this happen to me. I began talking with a woman almost a month ago. At 1st she talked a good game of meeting for a walk in a park or grabbing something and having a meal at one of the picnic tables. But every time I suggest it's a good time for me she has an excuse not to be able to meet. Mostly her declines center around a physical aliment of which she seems to have a # of issues. But when I told her I would not wait 6 months for her to be able to meet she seemed fine with me seeking a relationship with another woman until she is healthier. But she let it slip that a platonic relationship for us is perfectly fine with her. Looks like she is just looking for a pen pal. And that is often the case with a woman lurking about on a dating site. Time to put her in the distant friend zone I think.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 29, 2022 12:27:01 GMT -5
It seems to me almost all relationships start off with a talking phase. Even meeting IRL requires saying "hello" and following up with sufficient conversation to see if there is any basis for pursuing things further. If things fizzle out in the talking phase, then it never gets into the dating stage. This author seemingly is promoting somehow meeting and immediately entering the dating/relationship phase. I don't think I have ever seen that done before, unless we are talking about just hooking up for a ONS.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 27, 2022 14:24:00 GMT -5
One overwhelming challenge seems to be that the family court math does not account for the expenses of the primary breadwinner. That is, child support is a percentage of income, and spousal maintenance is a percentage of income. But nowhere in the mix is there a factor that looks at whether the breadwinner can also survive after what’s left. It’s not infeasible that they can end up with much less than 50% of their earned income. I have no doubt this creates some very hopeless situations and contributes greatly to the higher suicide rate among men. You are correct. In my first divorce the W got half of everything, though she had not contributed on thin dime to the costs of building our new home. And I had a child support payment of $1000/month This was almost 30yrs. ago. I ended up living with my mother again until I could save enough to purchase a 50 yr. old house that needed a lot of work. I also was required to maintain health insurance on my children as well as provide dental care. What was left was way less than 50% of my take home pay.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 26, 2022 11:16:31 GMT -5
Covid19 passes over man's house after painting doorway with Chick a Fila sauce.... Attachments:
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 24, 2022 17:30:30 GMT -5
blunder8 and worksforme2 you both referenced This is a line used in "Conversation with the Devil" Ray Wylie Hubbard. Not germane to this post just one of the innumerable pieces of useless information between my ears. Are you a member of "The Keepers of Odd Knowledge"? I myself am a member in good standing.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 23, 2022 13:53:06 GMT -5
I disagree with a lot of what this article says with regard to being pertinent to a SM. In my case I initiated conversation about me having a FWB, since my then W had no interest in being intimate with me. She would not go along with a FWB for me, but not because she loved me, and the marriage was important to her. Seeing herself as an Alpha woman, I think her ego would not allow for another woman taking her place between the sheets. In the end she preferred divorce. She preferred rejection to replacement. In a SM if a spouse takes a lover exactly who is being cheated? How can someone be cheated out of something they do not want? If anyone is cheating it is the refusing spouse.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 23, 2022 5:01:47 GMT -5
Stacy Abrams reminds parents that groceries would be a lot cheaper if they had aborted their children.... Attachments:
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 22, 2022 12:33:59 GMT -5
Thinking about your recent posts and I recall a poster from long ago who wanted to get a divorce. He was delaying the filing because his wife's elderly parents were in poor health and they were rich. He was waiting for that pay day. Could it be that your wife is waiting for her payday from your future inheritance? Keep in mind that she is also in an unhappy dysfunctional marriage. I thought about that a long time ago. For every bad thing I ever said or thought about my wife I truly do not believe that is in her makeup. Honestly, she is a very fine woman, just a lousy wife. I do not believe that would be in her DNA. That said, I have no reservations about doing everything in my power to preserve my inheritance. I used to describe my X the same way. A good person, just not a good wife. Then I recently learned she is far wealthier than she led me to believe. She never told me she was sitting on the kind of wealth she has. Feeling sorry for her when she left, I gave her a tidy sum toward the purchase of a house. Turns out she had way more money than me.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 21, 2022 9:19:52 GMT -5
Thanks for the perspective and the laugh ... i definitely need some humor in my life. I admit I'm a bit naive about what other couples are doing or what is common. I do know 3 times per year, and 5 month dry spells ain't cutting it. After decades of this neglect, I'm still trying to plot a course that takes care of me but doesn't drag me down to a vindictive level. I really do want to *try* to remain a positive person and not die a bitter, nasty old man. That said, I know the odds of her suddenly seeing the light are just a tad above zero. I'll continue to be a cordial person while pulling away emotionally and pursuing my own goals. I read somewhere that people don't change when they see the light, they change when they feel the heat. I don't know why I like that saying, but I have no idea what that means in my situation. I'll update in a regular forum. Thanks again for the welcome and support. "They don't change when they see the light. They change when they feel the heat".....I am going to borrow this for future use. We have a term here.... Reset sex....It is a ploy often used by refusers to keep their spouse quiet about sex for a while. After a reset the refusing spouse goes back to refusing until he/she thinks things might be approaching a train wreck like separation or divorce. Then they reset you again. If you have read much you have probably seen the 3 choices everyone has in a SM. Stay, leave or stay and outsource. At some point you will have to choose which one is for you. Unless your spouse makes the choice for you. The stories about refusing spouses who do a turnaround are few and far between. Most often a member here outsources or divorces. In real life what happens is a SM is hidden from view and both spouses live their lives in quiet desperation or misery.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 20, 2022 15:48:57 GMT -5
I don't know how good it is but I offer you my leave story. After numerous resets And waaaay too many refusals I finally had had enough. So I took off my ring and began distancing myself from the W. Eventually she noticed and took off her ring. We talked about how we would end things. I helped her find a new place to buy and gave her the money for a down payment. We saw an attorney together with an outline for him to put into legal form. I paid for the attorney. After a year we had met the states separation requirement for a divorce and so I had the attorney file the papers and it was done. I do not regret taking the divorce route. 2 yrs of a SM was quite enough for me.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 20, 2022 15:38:20 GMT -5
Welcome blunder8,...Unfortunately yes, we have all been where you are today. Many members in the staying group unfortunately will be there for decades to come. You have had numerous talks with her with no positive results. Have you approached her about opening the marriage so you can have a FWB, or does that not interest you? Who knows, she may be willing to look the other way in a "don't ask, don't tell " arrangement.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 18, 2022 8:48:18 GMT -5
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 17, 2022 7:30:51 GMT -5
welcome to the forum celibateinphilly....you don't state your ages or length of the marriage but reading between the lines I get the feeling you are somewhere in the 50's or 60's. It isn't unusual for women to lose their desire for sex at this time. That often leads to a shunning of all forms of intimacy because they may be a prelude to an attempt at sex. A lot of us have experienced the feelings of disrespect from our partners and it is disheartening to have one's true feelings of love and desire kicked to the curb because one's partner no longer desires intimate contact. We are not therapists but here you will find a wealth of info and experience that may be of use to you. You are choosing to stay at this time so I suggest you start reading from that topic from the general fields. I would suggest you share more information it you feel comfortable doing so. The more you share the more tailored the responses you will get in return. again, welcome to the forum.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 16, 2022 11:22:05 GMT -5
Interesting article. I did meet a woman on POF who initially appealed to me. I have been talking with her for about a month. She has recently had knee surgery and has been dealing with a # of issues following that. I commented to her that just like the old POF I get likes from women who are far away. I am off the site but I keep getting likes. So far in a month I have over 70. My new lady friend says she has over 400. What does that say about the ratio of men to women? Neither of us are paying members so we can't see who it is that "likes" us or how far away they are. One thing in the article I definitely agree with is that a man is much better off looking for a connection in real life. I have been far luckier meeting women while shopping than from the time I spent on dating sites. Grocery shopping seems to offer the best opportunity in my opinion. I may do as you have done and look at the local Senior center or county Recreation Dept to see if any dance classes are being offered. Never hurts to know your way around a dance floor.
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