|
Post by worksforme2 on Mar 18, 2023 10:33:07 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Mar 17, 2023 7:26:40 GMT -5
This may be one of the rare instances that we can actually figure out the "why" without doing much chasing... Attachments:
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Mar 17, 2023 7:23:26 GMT -5
Saw a new acremyn this morning,...STFUATHDLAGG....I wish this had been around during my SM...
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Mar 17, 2023 7:21:14 GMT -5
That is indeed a common tactic for refusers. The refused spouse is selfish or only cares about sex. Damn perverts! Gee, maybe I am selfish and too obsessed with....it's only sex. Is there a term for what I call "the dodge?" That's when sex is refused, but the refuser can show they care about you by doing another task that's nice, but incredibly insignificant compared to marital intimacy. It's a substitute for intimacy. A suffering refused spouse can recognize the counterfeit: "Hey, I made your favorite breakfast, I care." I have this experience all the time. She spends months not touching me and I call attention to it as unloving behavior. She responds by saying that she just got me some trinket for Christmas that she had engraved with some sappy expression of love and that should prove she loves me even without physical contact. In a takeoff on the immortal words of the late, great George "Kingfish" Stevens....Do the words Gas lighting strike a familiar note?
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Mar 12, 2023 12:44:45 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Mar 9, 2023 15:35:53 GMT -5
I can relate to your plight. I have been out of my SM for nearly 8 yrs. I can remember twisting myself into a pretzel trying to make things work. Lots of anxiety during that time. You don't mention any aspect of ASM in your post so maybe that isn't the focal point of your being here. Whatever your situation I hope you find something useful for yourself here and that your reading of the countless posts brings you some comfort.
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Mar 1, 2023 10:03:23 GMT -5
Man regrets transitioning after experience of waiting at woman's bathrooms... Attachments:
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Feb 28, 2023 7:52:28 GMT -5
"triage and triaging" I had to look up the meaning ! A new word for me! :-) I have found it useful as a way to frame the dating process in a metropolitan city. I see a lot of people who move straight toward another marriage without a lot of reflection or pause on breaking patterns in their own behavior, including partner selection, or even being the kind of person that another type seeks, and putting the brakes on that to see if something else works better. I ask a lot of questions, when the women I'm with open with establishing how little urgency they have in dating. It isn't necessarily confrontational, and often is an illuminating conversation about intimacy, fairly early in a "get to know you". I always try to have a conversation on a first date that would likely be too familiar or work-inappropriate with a colleague. Doesn't mean lewd, but it does let me know if they are open, authentic, and game enough to do this kind of dating (meeting on a dating app and showing up to talk). In some cases, it's context-dependent - intended to put the brakes on any fast track to bed that night - which they might have encountered in previous meetups with other guys. It's good to bring that to light, and often fun to compare funny dating stories and horror shows. In other cases, is an ego-protective thing or aimed at establishing value or credibility. Maybe a way of lowering her own stakes and expectations of a night. But I'm often shocked at how often the FWB-as-a-dating-strategy thing comes up, without any reflection on how that might appear to a new date prospect. The context in which that's offered is often like drinking water before a meal to fill up as a dieting tip. If it's either that, or something where someone truly seems to have too much complexity around sexuality, I'm fine to cut bait and spend my attention elsewhere. I agree with this methodology as part of a 1st date. After the general stuff of 1st date conversations is pretty much done, if I am still in the game, I move the discussion on to things of an intimate nature. How does she feel about intimacy? What does she like, or what is a deal breaker for her? I am no longer surprised at how open and straight forward most women are about voicing their thoughts on sex. Most often I hear a response along the lines of they like all the things I also like. If there is reluctance during a 1st meet then I have to gage if the reluctance is such that it constitutes a call for me to end my pursuit of this particular woman. I am surprised at your experience with the FWB strategy on the part of your companions. I have never had a woman bring this into a conversation. But then again neither have I. My most common experience is having women speak to or around monogamy or fidelity in the relationship. Most often they are insistent that dating should be limited to one person at the time. I don't see that as a negative necessarily, if the context of the conversation is comfortable to me. And you are right that delving into sexual preferences (dislikes) should absolutely be in a 1st conversation. No sense wasting time and resources on someone who probably isn't compatible with you.
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Feb 13, 2023 10:21:40 GMT -5
Candy kisses and boxes of chocolate time is almost here. How about a view of Valentine's Day from an ILIASM viewpoint? Attachments:
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Feb 13, 2023 9:49:26 GMT -5
None of that is going to work here. It's clear from the story that she already views angeleyes65 with disgust and contempt and that there are deeply ingrained issues around sex, and that if these are questioned as a strategy, that there are fallback medical issues as well. Opening a relationship? Anal? Toys in the bed? For a person who views her husband as a "sex addict"? Come on. You may well be right, but my own experience tells me introducing a different perspective can bring about a least a temporary change in the relationship. This poor guy has been through the wringer. It may just give rise to a false hope, but in leu of your seeming to conclude there is no hope for this poster, I prefer to exhaust a potential possibility for some improvement via differing approaches. Most refusers probably view the members here as sex addicts. But there are some stories here that represent turn arounds or spouses compromising to save their marriage. Is it a log shot? Without a doubt it is. But I prefer long shot to no shot. PS....I don't think you meant angeleyes65, but kpslick.
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Feb 13, 2023 8:32:00 GMT -5
angeleyes65 hit some of the things I was going to comment. I would add you could add some toys to the foreplay. If she is willing, there are pumps and other male devices to help bring you to an orgasm. Perhaps using one or more of them prior to PIV to get you close. Then you may not last so long in her. I also have always taken a long time to ejaculate, except when I am in a womans backdoor. Usually, anal will do it for me after 10-15 minutes. Again, if she is willing to give it a try. If she is not willing to stimulate you more prior to PIV then cumming quickly probably isn't going to happen. I agree in that it might be time to talk with your W about opening up the marriage. Since it would remove her having to endure sex with you, she may be willing to accept a don't ask don't tell fwb for you. Can it hurt to have that discussion?
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Feb 7, 2023 22:15:12 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Feb 4, 2023 8:06:23 GMT -5
Hello ... this is a big step for me. I've been married for 38 years and haven't had a physical relationship with my husband for at least 10 years ... I lost count a long time ago. I guess I'm here just to reassure myself that I'm not alone and that there's nothing wrong with my feelings of loneliness, frustration, and anger. Hoping that I can learn to live with the lack of intimacy in my marriage welcome to the forum wanted to be wanted,.....if you feel so inclined please continue telling your story and experience on the "Staying" category. If not then hopefully your reading hear will bring you some understanding of where you are in the marriage and where you might be headed that might be some consolation to you.
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jan 31, 2023 11:43:45 GMT -5
I'm inclined to think if he'd winced at the offer and said, "Oof, sorry! I've got plans." It would have been an A+ extraction. I was actually looking forward to the tasting. She is an attractive woman and interesting to talk with. But there was just no chemistry for me and her leaning away and crossing her arms in front of her communicated to me she wasn't feeling it either. So wait for the right opportunity and call it a day, which is what I did.
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jan 30, 2023 17:09:47 GMT -5
I had a 1st meeting with a woman on Saturday evening. And i want to know if I was being cheap or was she trying to take advantage of me.
I met this woman via a dating site, she reached out to me first. And after a couple lengthy conversations we decided to meet. She had mentioned she liked wine. There is a winery close to both of us that she had never been to. I have been there a # of times so I choose it for our 1st meet. At the winery we picked out the wines we though sounded good and ordered 7 to taste. We spent about an hour and a half talking and tasting. The wines were mostly pretty bad, but the conversation was good. However, I was not feeling any chemistry with her. And if body language means anything I don't think she was feeling it either. So at the end of the tasting, she went to the bathroom, and I went up and paid for the wine. When she came back from the bathroom she ask if we could have dinner. I had eaten before coming, she it seems had not. The food menu at the winery was pretty ritzy and so were the prices. And I had decided there was going to be no 2nd meeting. I suggested we go back to town, and she could pick from the restaurants there. Short story, I did not buy her a meal. Was I being cheap or did i owe her a meal for a bit of conversation? I know the guy typically pays for the 1st date, but this was just a meet and greet in my mind, not a date.
|
|