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Post by TMD on Apr 4, 2016 11:38:38 GMT -5
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Post by JMX on Apr 4, 2016 15:30:13 GMT -5
I am sure that works for many people - I am not sure it would work for me. Interesting.
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Post by unmatched on Apr 4, 2016 18:37:23 GMT -5
I have always liked this idea, at least for the first year or so. It gives the kids a sense of stability and continuity during what is going to be a traumatic transition for them. It also shows them that you and your partner can still work together and that they are still the centre of both your lives. But I imagine it only works if you and your partner do both work together well and are both able to set your own shit aside for the sake of the kids. If there is squabbling and bickering, or fundamental disagreement, then trying to share responsibility for looking after the house and kids (maintenance, washing, shopping, etc.) would be incredibly stressful for everybody.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2016 18:55:02 GMT -5
Bird nesting was my original idea for our son but my STBX shot it down from the beginning. As it turns out, that's probably best in our particular case. It seems like such a kind way to handle things for the kids. I hope it works for you - do keep us posted!
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Post by Dan on Apr 4, 2016 20:42:57 GMT -5
I thought I would create a thread here. Even though I have not yet executed the, "bird nest," strategy. Thank for posting! I vaguely recall hearing of this from someone on EP. It would be something I'd be willing to try, and could see it working... if my wife surprises me and does not devolve to a puddle of goo, like I expect.
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Post by TMD on Apr 4, 2016 23:42:06 GMT -5
It would be something I'd be willing to try, and could see it working... if my wife surprises me and does not devolve to a puddle of goo, like I expect. Goo. I rather expect my roommate to do the same. On that note, I have a story to share. Will try to post once kiddos are in bed. Just played a brave round of "Bean Boozled" with kids. Now to brush teeth!
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Post by TMD on Apr 4, 2016 23:44:06 GMT -5
Bird nesting was my original idea for our son but my STBX shot it down from the beginning. As it turns out, that's probably best in our particular case. It seems like such a kind way to handle things for the kids. I hope it works for you - do keep us posted! I spent some time today reading a blog by somebody who did this for a period of time. Definitely has its challenges. Would have to iron out all details before beginning. It would be something that would go into the separation agreement.
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Post by TMD on Apr 4, 2016 23:46:03 GMT -5
I have always liked this idea, at least for the first year or so. It gives the kids a sense of stability and continuity during what is going to be a traumatic transition for them. It also shows them that you and your partner can still work together and that they are still the centre of both your lives. But I imagine it only works if you and your partner do both work together well and are both able to set your own shit aside for the sake of the kids. If there is squabbling and bickering, or fundamental disagreement, then trying to share responsibility for looking after the house and kids (maintenance, washing, shopping, etc.) would be incredibly stressful for everybody. For the most part, my biggest issue with roommate is how late he puts kids to bed. Causes challenging behaviour as a result. I know it won't be easy, but it's the best compromise for our circumstances right now.
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Post by JMX on Apr 4, 2016 23:52:06 GMT -5
TMD - on the edge of my seat waiting for your story!
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Post by lwoetin on Apr 5, 2016 1:23:27 GMT -5
I like the child-centered aspect of this arrangement.
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Post by Dan on Apr 5, 2016 7:35:30 GMT -5
I spent some time today reading a blog by somebody who did this for a period of time. Definitely has its challenges. Would have to iron out all details before beginning. It would be something that would go into the separation agreement. Can you post a link?
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Post by Dan on Apr 5, 2016 7:47:01 GMT -5
For the most part, my biggest issue with roommate is how late he puts kids to bed. Causes challenging behaviour as a result. I know it won't be easy, but it's the best compromise for our circumstances right now. I recall a comment on EP about this, basically suggesting: "for the most part, you have to let some/most of the parenting difference go". After all, you are getting a divorce because you don't see eye to eye. Even in my mostly-functional-except-for-the-sex marriage, we have different parenting styles. For the most part, I've considered this a reasonable life-lesson for the kids: "mom and dad are different, and have different opinions on stuff". That said: if his late bedtime is causing problems that he denies, alas one thing you might have to do is let it "get bad enough" that he finally sees/admits it is causing a problem. Example: kids getting sick, doing poorly in school, or showing behavioral problems. I know, I know: you'd like to avoid that if possible. But if that's what it takes to "make your case" parental agreement for an earlier bedtime, it may be the fastest way to get there. (And: your kids will almost certainly survive and recover.)
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Post by TMD on Apr 5, 2016 10:44:22 GMT -5
I spent some time today reading a blog by somebody who did this for a period of time. Definitely has its challenges. Would have to iron out all details before beginning. It would be something that would go into the separation agreement. Can you post a link? link
the blog is titled, "This cuckoos nest" some of it is regular stuff, but most of bird besting entries are 2013ish.
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Post by TMD on Apr 5, 2016 10:46:46 GMT -5
TMD - on the edge of my seat waiting for your story! It's not related to bird nesting, so much as its related to the roommate being a bit blob-ish emotionally. We are traveling today. Will try later. Packing bags at moment.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2016 22:11:44 GMT -5
I can see how bird nesting would be a good option for people who just can't stop being anxious about the kids all the time. It would eliminate a lot of hassles about where the kids get dropped off, etc., since the kids stay in one place. And I imagine, you could agree to call first if there's some reason why you want to come over when it isn't your turn.
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