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Rules
Feb 13, 2020 9:24:30 GMT -5
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itme likes this
Post by workingonit on Feb 13, 2020 9:24:30 GMT -5
Most of the above, plus: -keep your shirt on -lights must be turned off -donβt you dare ever look at or touch my boobs! Shirt on??? Ack. Why?
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Rules
Feb 13, 2020 10:40:12 GMT -5
Post by h on Feb 13, 2020 10:40:12 GMT -5
Most of the above, plus: -keep your shirt on -lights must be turned off -donβt you dare ever look at or touch my boobs! Shirt on??? Ack. Why? Not sure if it's the same reason or not, but my wife keeps her shirt on most of the time to minimize skin contact. She doesn't want me to get sweat on her.
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Post by h on Feb 13, 2020 11:54:38 GMT -5
Not sure if it's the same reason or not, but my wife keeps her shirt on most of the time to minimize skin contact. She doesn't want me to get sweat on her. Minimize skin contact has been my exact suspicion as well, but she has never given reasons. She doesn't want to get any icky boy cooties on her.π
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Post by workingonit on Feb 13, 2020 11:58:13 GMT -5
Why chasing is futile! π Truth. Sorry, knee jerk reaction. Really I love a man's chest so very much and so enjoy giving out nipple torture, uh, I mean play π, that I forgot for a moment the absurdity of refusers. I have recovered.
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Post by workingonit on Feb 13, 2020 11:58:46 GMT -5
Minimize skin contact has been my exact suspicion as well, but she has never given reasons. She doesn't want to get any icky boy cooties on her.π *sigh* How I miss man cooties...
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Rules
Feb 13, 2020 14:59:38 GMT -5
Post by Handy on Feb 13, 2020 14:59:38 GMT -5
My W worked part time 3 days a week but not consecutive days. Her rules were no sex the day before or the day after she worked. So if she worked Sunday no sex Saturday or Monday. If she worked Tuesday or Wednesday, no sex on Monday or Wednesday - Thursday. If she worked on Friday, no sex on Saturday. She claimed she was worn out from work and rarely worked two days in a row.
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Rules
Feb 13, 2020 15:04:19 GMT -5
Post by Handy on Feb 13, 2020 15:04:19 GMT -5
cooties...
That takes me back to second grade when some girls said "boys had cooties" and people that has sex were GROSS.
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Post by h on Feb 13, 2020 15:18:12 GMT -5
cooties...That takes me back to second grade when some girls said "boys had cooties" and people that has sex were GROSS. That was the intent: to depict the childish nature of requiring someone to wear a shirt during sex.
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Rules
Feb 13, 2020 16:50:54 GMT -5
itme likes this
Post by michael on Feb 13, 2020 16:50:54 GMT -5
What is the hang up about her breasts? Has a refuser ever provided a valid reason for their disdain for our varied interests in their body? π€ I think the hangup is mainly b/c, aside from raindrops on roses, those are two of my favorite things. π€ Had I picked ass or feet, the hang ups probably would have been there. I can relate. In my case though she said that I objectify her if I touch her breasts. I think she gets these excuses from a website and uses them because she think she sounds smart and there is no come back that she can perceive that I can use.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 13, 2020 17:03:30 GMT -5
The thing in an SM is that the refuser has, quite literally, an unlimited number of reasons why not to have sex. I think there are occasionally some real "whys" to chase like when the kids are little and chores need to be divided up, etc. What you are all describing is just any, ANY excuse to not be intimate. Eventually they will find the ultimate excuse of some type and infrequent will go to zero.
Let go of the resentments, create some emotional distance and be objective about your stay/leave decision. Can you live with zero? Maybe you're a stayer.
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Post by baza on Feb 13, 2020 18:06:57 GMT -5
If - in the light of these assorted arbitrary rules that apply to your sex life - you are staying, then that is a perfectly legitimate position to take.
But having taken that position, you've got to own it.
There is not much point in taking your spouses inventory, there is not much point to complaining about the sexual "rules" either. Nor is there much to be gained by debating the "rules".
You are choosing to stay and to play this game (with its' skewed / unfair rules) by your own free will. You own that choice.
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Post by nyctos on Feb 14, 2020 20:51:27 GMT -5
cooties...That takes me back to second grade when some girls said "boys had cooties" and people that has sex were GROSS. So, my middle son was kept innocent for a long time because we shamelessly lied to him about where babies come from. We told him they come from Sears. Specifically, Sears sells "baby dough" in pink and blue varieties. I would go out and buy the dough, and mix it into a cake with my saliva ( we needed some way to be able to claim he came from both of us). My W would eat the cake and a baby would form in her stomach. We had all boys because I am colorblind and mistakenly bought the same dough every time. By fourth grade, he was VERY suspicious of this story. In fifth grade, he comes home one day and says, "Mom, Dad, I know what you guys did at least three times!" You see, that's when they teach sex education in schools in our area. He then went on to ask, "I have just one question: was it so disgusting?"
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Post by Apocrypha on Feb 19, 2020 13:16:07 GMT -5
It's costly for both parties to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you. These "rules" are to minimize the damage to her.
I used to think of it like changing a baby's diaper. The baby needs to be changed. It's gross.
I love my baby, but nobody loves doing something disgusting. Over time, I got to be exceptionally efficient with the time and energy allotted, and in minimizing my exposure when I was doing it.
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Rules
Feb 19, 2020 16:33:10 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2020 16:33:10 GMT -5
It's costly for both parties to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you. These "rules" are to minimize the damage to her. I used to think of it like changing a baby's diaper. The baby needs to be changed. It's gross. I love my baby, but nobody loves doing something disgusting. Over time, I got to be exceptionally efficient with the time and energy allotted, and in minimizing my exposure when I was doing it. Exactly this.
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Rules
Feb 21, 2020 14:11:56 GMT -5
Post by Apocrypha on Feb 21, 2020 14:11:56 GMT -5
When I was in marital therapy, within a month or two of calling it quits - the clumsy therapist chose to reassure my wife that I was onboard with "taking the pressure off".
"What if he needs to have sex?"
"Don't worry, he can just go to the bathroom and flush it down the toilet instead."
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