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Post by lostintime on Dec 12, 2019 10:37:13 GMT -5
I stared going out now 2-3 a month and find it enjoyable. I get to meet new people in bars and clubs and it reminds me of my mid 20th. When I was younger I use to go out Fridays and Saturdays and use to meet a lot of new people. I had a lot of friends in different neighborhoods around NYC and NJ area and there was always something new to do. I got married when I was approximately 25 years old and once I got to my 30th I stopped going out all together and started working a lot more to support kids and wife. I lost contact with most of my friends and focused on my business and family. My wife continued to keep contact with her friends and hangs out with them often during the day and goes out at night once every two month, she is usually home at 1am or earlier. She kept asking me to go out with my friends, I think she felt guilty for going out. We do not go out together as we have grown apart in the past 10 years. When I go out with my friends I am usually home between 1am and 5am, the problem is I cannot tell the girls that I meet that I am married with kids and it makes it kind of awkward. It feels good that I can hang out with other girls that actually like to spend time with me but I cannot tell them that I am married and only looking for casual encounters. Did any of you tried the sites in the subject line with good results? I am looking for lady between 35-45 years of age that understands that I am in a relationship.
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Post by Apocrypha on Dec 12, 2019 12:02:05 GMT -5
I'm not sure I understand your intent here. Are you looking for advice on dating services to use when having an affair? Are you wondering if your wife who "goes out with the ladies" and gets back at 1am, but who you don't go out with - is using them? Are you looking for an affair partner here?
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Post by lostintime on Dec 12, 2019 12:26:53 GMT -5
I am not looking for an affair partner on this site, as this site is not intended for that. Just looking for an advice on a good affair site.
Not wondering about my wife she can do as she pleases. I do not think she has an affair, but if she did I would only wish her the best. I did offer divorce and good amount of money. She said that she wants to stay and she loves me but our sex drive and interests are different. I am staying now for kids and see how things will turn out, but I am working less and started going out.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Dec 12, 2019 13:48:19 GMT -5
I've never heard of the 3rd one but I've tried both the other two.i think Ashley Madison is better for finding people who are in the same boat as you. I just looked up benaughty the reviews are terrible. A lot of billing issues and a lot of bots.
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Post by Apocrypha on Dec 12, 2019 13:55:12 GMT -5
Ashley will at least find people in the same boat, but you will need to content with bots and fake accounts that match and message you to get you to buy a subscription.
Adultfriendfinder might be a better deal, but for casual sex - the ratio of men to women on that site is so imbalanced that you'll need to be in the top 5% attractiveness to even hit women's radar there.
Bumble requires women to contact you first, which cuts out a lot of noise and chaffe and evens the score slightly by requiring a minimum of effort on behalf of women to at least demonstrate a mild interest first. But there aren't as many affair people on that - because it's local based and if your mug goes up it will advertise to your neighborhood that you are open for business. Same with OKCupid and PlentyofFish. My "celibate wife" showed up on OKCupid as a top match when she stayed over in the house a day or two after moving out. A huge problem on those normal dating sites appears to be a lot of married men posing as single. Constant stories of that this year from my friends.
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Post by worksforme2 on Dec 12, 2019 13:58:17 GMT -5
I have never herd of the 3rd one either, and I know very little about AFF. What I do know a bit about is Ashlee Madison. Most of the research done about AM shows it to be great for women and pretty bad for men. With the odds stacked so heavily (depending on the study it varies from (50-100 men for 1 woman). A number of former employees of AM have talked about the "bots" used to keep males paying into the site thinking they are having real conversations with women when they aren't. I'd say to lostintime, you need to do your research on AM before investing any real money or time on the site.
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Post by baza on Dec 12, 2019 17:08:53 GMT -5
Disclaimer. Never joined a dating/affair group, so no firsthand experience. It seems to me that these sites are like washing powder brands. One might be branded "Surf" or "Sard" or "Lux" or whatever, but the parent company is Lever & Kitchin who own these various brands which are all essentially the same washing powder but in different packaging. On what basis you'd figure that one of the brands is better than the other escapes me, as there's no difference. And you'd do well to consider the commercial imperative behind any business. The aim is to make a profit. "Westinghouse's" mission is not to make shiny refrigerators, it is to make money. "Googles" mission is not to make search engines, its' job is to make money. "Ashly Madison" existence is not to help people identify life partners, it is to make money. The commodity or service commercial enterprises deal in has the same motive behind it - to make a profit. I think that trying to identify one dating service as being superior to other dating sites is a pointless and hopeless task. If you avail yourself of these "services", on what basis you'd figure one is better than another escapes me. They have one commonality .... to chisel money out of you, just like any other profit making enterprise. But, you can test one (or all of them) if you want. Just have your credit card handy and give it a whirl if you are so inclined. Let us know how you go Brother lostintime .
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Post by michael on Dec 13, 2019 1:30:42 GMT -5
I joined POF. No luck. Most woman don’t want to date married men, and I’m not the lying type so... either that or I’m ugly. It could be a combination of both. If you are a good looking guy though and you are willing to lie then I’m sure you will have lots of luck.
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Post by ironhamster on Dec 13, 2019 3:34:22 GMT -5
My best luck was on Tinder. It's free. I was on it twice, once when I was married, and a month or so after I moved out.
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Post by Apocrypha on Dec 14, 2019 12:37:56 GMT -5
Disclaimer. Never joined a dating/affair group, so no firsthand experience. It seems to me that these sites are like washing powder brands. One might be branded "Surf" or "Sard" or "Lux" or whatever, but the parent company is Lever & Kitchin who own these various brands which are all essentially the same washing powder but in different packaging. On what basis you'd figure that one of the brands is better than the other escapes me, as there's no difference. Having never joined a dating site or several of them and comparing across several years, you would have no way of knowing that there IS a difference - there are various differences in the design of the intereraction capabilities and they significantly change the flavour of the interaction and clientele - at least if you live in a major metropolitan centre. So your mileage may vary depending on what you want out of it and who you are. The commonalities: it's the same one that most nightclubs have. The key to their success is the amount of women they have onsite. If they have the women, the men will follow. Otherwise they end up with a sausage fest in which a very small percentage of the men actually get dates. This disparity ends up working to the detriment even of women who are very attractive, let alone the men, because it ends up that men tend to do dozens of low effort Hail Mary passes, thinking it's a numbers game. Women end up being overwhelmed, and even when they find someone worth meeting, it becomes a martial exercise. Go to dinner with someone from one of these sites, and by the time dinner is over, she'll have received 10 other offers to be your replacement. Basically, the low effort convenience approach that results from the automation, amplifies the disparity in dating dynamics between men and women. Even the plainest women get inundated with dozens of bids from suitors in a metropolitan centre. Hundreds even. A man of above average attractiveness might get 1 every week in the same locale, whereas a movie star good looks level man gets something comparable to what a woman of average attractiveness receives. Some nightclubs fake it by having arbitrary lineups outside to give the impression that it's busy or popular, or by hiring models and gogo dancers to seed the club with attractive women who flirt. Sites like Ashley Madison try to appeal to the men by seeding their sites with fake female accounts. They also have bots that send messages to men, asking to chat more, or expressing interest. The men need to buy a full membership to respond. You can tell they are fake if you've ever been on a site that uses real users. The speed and enthusiasm of the responses and even the content in them just isn't realistic. However, due to its nature, I don't think Madison requires you to do a full face shot - which allows for some discretion. At least that's the way it used to be. I think they have internal privacy gates now to reveal more face shots once a connection is made. Tinder, at my age - I found to be VERY frustrating. Women of my age tend to want to know a lot of context about a guy just to meet him, whereas that app has a brutal character limit - emphasizing the picture. As such, while I'm pretty cute, I'm told - it tends to focus more on a younger meet/fast crowd, and more casual encounters, based off pictures. I've had very little meets come off that app, compared to others. Some apps like OKC, PlentyofFish, Bumble - have "matching" questions and algorithms that match things like proximity, preferences in body types, styles, character etc, in addition to the personal profiles you can write yourself. OKC and Plenty are quite similar. Bumble's version requires women to make first contact - which immediately eliminates a large swath of chaffe from form letters from men. Adultfriendfinder and variants of that system allow you to go "sex first" by getting very particular about the kinds of sexual experiences you are seeking out. I think these are likely good for finding people and situations with specific desires up front. If I was a guy who was really into women in hot shoes, for example, or a particular sexual act - and I was seeking that out more than I was seeking out a fulsome relationship - that might be a better place to go to find a match. I've had much better results from the last OKC, Plenty and Bumble in particular - which is where I discovered my partner of the last 2 years. It's not just that I was lucky in finding my partner on one app vs another (though that helps). There are clear differences between the number and quality of responses, first dates etc I got out of them, depending on the way they are set up.
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Post by lostintime on Dec 15, 2019 21:32:36 GMT -5
Thank you everyone for the information provided. My biggest concern is that some of my wife's friends might see me on one of those sites. When I go out with my friends I see the person that I am approaching but on one of these sites I have to post my picture for everyone to see. My wife has a lot of friends and I do not want it to get to her at this point in our relationship. We are going away for the holidays will have to think about this more when we return.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Dec 15, 2019 21:36:45 GMT -5
Thank you everyone for the information provided. My biggest concern is that some of my wife's friends might see me on one of those sites. When I go out with my friends I see the person that I am approaching but on one of these sites I have to post my picture for everyone to see. My wife has a lot of friends and I do not want it to get to her at this point in our relationship. We are going away for the holidays will have to think about this more when we return. No one that is married post face pictures. I never shared a full face pic until I had been talking to someone for awhile. And was getting ready to meet. Never share address or phone number I used hangouts to communicate off the site. But yes there is always a risk of getting caught or blackmail.
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Post by baza on Dec 16, 2019 1:44:21 GMT -5
Thank you everyone for the information provided. My biggest concern is that some of my wife's friends might see me on one of those sites. When I go out with my friends I see the person that I am approaching but on one of these sites I have to post my picture for everyone to see. My wife has a lot of friends and I do not want it to get to her at this point in our relationship. We are going away for the holidays will have to think about this more when we return. Would your "wife's friends" frequent such sites do you think ? I'm at a bit of a loss here Brother lostintime . Some of your posts refer to 2-3 roots a week with your missus, others seem to read that you are outsourcing and this one (and others) seem to be about dating sites, or going out socially with other people, and in another post, talking about divorce. What do you want to do mate ?
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Post by lostintime on Dec 16, 2019 9:42:58 GMT -5
Thank you everyone for the information provided. My biggest concern is that some of my wife's friends might see me on one of those sites. When I go out with my friends I see the person that I am approaching but on one of these sites I have to post my picture for everyone to see. My wife has a lot of friends and I do not want it to get to her at this point in our relationship. We are going away for the holidays will have to think about this more when we return. Would your "wife's friends" frequent such sites do you think ? I'm at a bit of a loss here Brother lostintime . Some of your posts refer to 2-3 roots a week with your missus, others seem to read that you are outsourcing and this one (and others) seem to be about dating sites, or going out socially with other people, and in another post, talking about divorce. What do you want to do mate ? I do not know what sites her friends visit. Some of her friends are married some are single and some are divorced. She also knows a lot of people through work. I use to work 60-70 hours a week, before she started working. I work less now and started to go out with my friends 2-4 times a month and also sometimes go out with my wife. We do have sex 2-3 times a week but it feels like she is offering sex just to keep me happy, the quality of it is also not the same. I am not sure what I want, for now I am staying with the wife and kids (mostly because of the kids) and exploring my options. I offered divorce and money but she said she loves me and wants to work things out. It does not feel like she loves me and seems distant. No matter what I do I cannot get to the point how we were before we had kids. Her evening mostly in front of TV watching series and going though Facebook and Instagram, she usually falls a sleep in front of TV.
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Post by Apocrypha on Dec 16, 2019 14:08:30 GMT -5
Thank you everyone for the information provided. My biggest concern is that some of my wife's friends might see me on one of those sites. When I go out with my friends I see the person that I am approaching but on one of these sites I have to post my picture for everyone to see. My wife has a lot of friends and I do not want it to get to her at this point in our relationship. We are going away for the holidays will have to think about this more when we return. Yes, they will. Or co-workers. Or, especially your close-by neighbors, because many filter matches by proximity. I doubt Ashley Madison requires your photo, but then you need to deal with the bots and fake accounts as well. If you were a woman, you could likely get away with being somewhat evasive on the face pic - though many sites require it. Without a face pic that looks really good, your odds as a man are really low for scoring on casual sex. Casual sex from men is cheap and plentiful. Casual sex from women is rare and highly desired. You are competing not only against married men like you, but also unmarried men who aren't looking for a fulsome relationship. Women who are up for an affair or casual non-committal sex are inundated with offers. Men, at least at first pass, are viewed as cheaters and less desirable. Overall, it ends up as a high risk and low reward for you, unless you have something truly marvelous that makes you stand out. But overall, I'm not certain what problem you are trying to solve. I've rarely seen an affair resolve a long term disagreement.
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