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Post by Apocrypha on Nov 12, 2019 11:22:52 GMT -5
There is a reason that your partner no longer sees you as fit for being a suitable sexual partner and avoids sex with you.
It might not be your fault. It might be due to a misunderstanding. It might be that your partner sees you as tied to a larger group of benefits associated with the household, or parenting.
But one thing is certain beyond the pleasure itself:the aversion to sex with you is a very clear message and a change that's also difficult for him/her to manage. And, it's important enough that they are willing to risk everything to avoid it.
When you say, "When you don't have sex with me, it makes me feel unloved, unwanted etc", that isn't a mistake. The change likely legitimately resulted from a legit change of how they feel about you or about the circumstance of being attached to you.
So, taking the pill that allows you to not want the sex, changes nothing about the circumstance in which sex was removed from the table. Maybe you don't miss the physical pleasure, but you still exist in a household that is permeated by this change of role. And your partner is still faced with the same question you face - do I leave or remain with a person with whom I hold no unique attraction? Which means, whatever worse fate you were hoping to avoid by taking the pill is still just as likely to come.
So, no. The lack of sex is a downstream result of a change of an undeclared change of status in your relationship. Once that edge is removed and the eyes adjust to the new dark, you would see the aversion and contempt expressed in other ways.
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Post by DryCreek on Nov 12, 2019 11:25:10 GMT -5
There was a time when I thought the problem was this simple, and I might have welcomed such a fix.
But I’ve come to appreciate that even when “everything else is great” the problem is not just sex. It’s foreplay, kissing, cuddling, touching, flirting, even just looking.
Dulling life’s vitality in order to make the situation workable makes about as much sense to me as choosing alcoholism to cope.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Nov 12, 2019 12:31:50 GMT -5
If everything was good but the sex. I probably would have to keep my family together. And it would be easier. But everything wasn't good.. His not caring about what I needed and wanted reached way beyond the bedroom. I think sex put blinders on me. Once that went away I noticed his selfishness more as it related to other areas. So in my case I wouldn't have.
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Post by mescaline on Nov 12, 2019 12:46:22 GMT -5
I'm a firm believer in "the truth will set you free" the problem is it's fucking painful to acknowledge it and deal with it.
On that note I think I may well be tempted to drop the blue one, but I suspect I'd regret it in the long run.
It's a tough gig...
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Post by thefullmoon on Nov 12, 2019 13:06:51 GMT -5
Never! I love my sensuality,would never surrender it voluntary.
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Post by h on Nov 12, 2019 14:17:39 GMT -5
I literally tried pills to kill my drive a couple years ago. They worked for a while until I built up a tolerance. I actually didn't care about sex at all for about a month and a half. It did nothing for my feelings of loneliness and neglect though. I genuinely didn't have any desire for sex but still wasn't any happier. I was less angry due to the absence of the frustration of unmet needs. I wasn't less depressed.
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completelybaked
Junior Member
"I have become comfortably numb" - Pink Floyd
Posts: 29
Age Range: 70+
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Post by completelybaked on Nov 14, 2019 13:25:56 GMT -5
Early in my SM, my doctor prescribed a mild anti-depressant to "take the edge off". There was some slight help, but over time, it physically reduced the quality of my orgasms and I still had the unmet emotional desire for intimacy. When my analytical self realized I was taking medications because I was normal and healthy, I stopped the pills and my physical function returned. As promising as this theoretical blue pill may be, I will never again take drugs to fix things that are normal and healthy.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2019 16:21:31 GMT -5
Hmmm, great hypothetical. For many years, especially when I was younger and had a higher sex drive, I would have taken the blue pill without much hesitation. However, using my old analogy of replacing the word sex with another activity you enjoy to test the logic, here goes. I enjoy, more than enjoy it defines a part of me, motorcycle racing. I started riding motorcycles when I was 8 years old, raced from the time I was 11 to 30 and continued to do riding instruction and other opportunities for track time up to this year. I look forward to it weeks in advance, pour over websites/magazines, keep up with the tech, etc.
It puts in context that we on this website are all broken to a degree. I would NOT take a blue pill that would allow me to give up motorcycling without regret, that would be to lose too much of a part of me that I actually care about. The fact that I would have given up the sexual part of me so easily is kind of eye opening. Sex is off the table, looks like permanently at 52 years old. At my "advanced age" I have a new answer. No, no blue pill for me. I choose to embrace life with all of its screwed-upness, the highs and lows, the joy and sorrow. Bring it on.
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