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Post by worksforme2 on Jan 16, 2020 18:41:42 GMT -5
baza I don”t feel like I have that much shit to sort out but I know what you mean about focusing on what you can change rather than what you can’t. It’s just having the knowledge to know the difference - isn’t that how the reading went at school. The thing is that I am certain that my wife did a bait and switch but this is a very foreign concept to me and would have been the last thing that I would have expected from anyone. It’s only quite recently that I have realised this and call me naive but now I think about it I can see that this type of thing may be quite common to some degree or another. I think the idea of baiting as it where probably turned my wife on in the beginning and she must have felt very powerful. I am very kind and too generous maybe and would have become more so if the relationship cooled off. But I get her now. If I was very generous and she had a weakness or felt a power from profiting from me then my actions may have fuelled her. I just would never have suspected it you see. That makes it way easier for me to deal with this now though. I have her game. Maybe I can show her my way. And what way would that be carl?
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Post by carl on Jan 16, 2020 19:05:48 GMT -5
worksforme2 I believe in kindness and understanding for the people I know and that people cannot always control or be entirely responsible for the things they do. I see the people I know more as a group there to help and support one another. We are all equal. Now I know where my wife has treated me as less than equal I will soon tell her and she will know it is true. But I shall also acknowledge to her if I have unconsciously not treated her equally too.
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Post by carl on Jan 16, 2020 19:25:02 GMT -5
carl, I think people can change, but only if they want to change. If they don't want to change, you cannot make them change. Also nearly impossible is showing them why they SHOULD want to change. That's my experience. It sounds like you're thinking through a lot of difficult, hurtful feelings. It takes time to see things clearly for most. I recommend embracing the idea that your needs are important. I think she will want to change. I am sure she did a kind of bait and switch. How stupid. I don’t need or like being baited and make my own decisions based on my own judgement. She would have been better off saving herself the effort. I’ll see if she wants to relate to me on a different level. She has the rest of her life to think about it.
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Post by solodriver on Jan 16, 2020 21:35:44 GMT -5
1. The dogs 2. Herself 3. How smart she thinks she is
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