|
Post by dwaynedsmith35 on Oct 12, 2019 12:20:08 GMT -5
Yes, I have hid the only two "toys" I have from the wife...They are a penis stroker and a Magic Wand
|
|
|
Post by saarinista on Oct 12, 2019 12:33:15 GMT -5
choosinghappy that's how my husband would be. I used to try to hide the vibrator but now sometimes I leave it out on the bed in the basement where I live. He's made no comments. Honestly he probably doesn't even know what it is. Gah. Whatever!
|
|
|
Post by southerngirl on Oct 12, 2019 17:50:35 GMT -5
I add to my collection regularly. He doesn't know and I don't think he cares. Unfortunately, toys just can't get me what I really need - the actual foreplay and touching and kissing and eye contact. sigh.......
|
|
|
Post by workingonit on Oct 12, 2019 23:41:42 GMT -5
I do not hide anymore. Feels SO good!!
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Oct 15, 2019 21:48:28 GMT -5
I did not throw away the toys I bought. I got a bag to put them in. And, when my wife would give me the cold shoulder, I would go toy shopping. Yes, the first toys I bought, I bought with her enjoyment in mind. My later toys, I bought with the expectation that sooner or later I would find another woman that could appreciate me. Don't give up the dream. You shouldn't ever throw away things such as toys. I'm sure there is a Goodwill, pawn shop, or such near your house.
|
|
sunnysean
Junior Member
Posts: 59
Age Range: 41-45
|
Post by sunnysean on Oct 16, 2019 9:53:25 GMT -5
OK, Hide no. Monitor yes.
I'm ashamed of this, but I'm coming clean here. I have caught my wife using her toy on several occasions. Every time it was the sound. I don't think she knows, and I have never told her.
I was glad she was getting some action, but sad I wasn't a part of it. If she wanted a time where we just focused on her, I would love to help.
I wont lie, I was jealous, I wanted to know how much action she was getting that I wasn't a part of.
She keeps her toy in the same bag, on the same shelf, every time. I started taking the zipper pull and tilting it to one side. I can glance quickly and know if she has taken it out.
For a while It seemed like she used it once or twice a week. That slowed down. Now it seems to only get action when I get action.
|
|
|
Post by Apocrypha on Oct 17, 2019 13:37:24 GMT -5
OK, Hide no. Monitor yes. I'm ashamed of this, but I'm coming clean here. I have caught my wife using her toy on several occasions. Every time it was the sound. I don't think she knows, and I have never told her. I was glad she was getting some action, but sad I wasn't a part of it. If she wanted a time where we just focused on her, I would love to help. I wont lie, I was jealous, I wanted to know how much action she was getting that I wasn't a part of. She keeps her toy in the same bag, on the same shelf, every time. I started taking the zipper pull and tilting it to one side. I can glance quickly and know if she has taken it out. For a while It seemed like she used it once or twice a week. That slowed down. Now it seems to only get action when I get action. It's really a common experience and story. I even walked in on Mrs Apocrypha herself, taking matters in hand. I felt jealous - like it was a wasted opportunity. This was a mistake though. In hindsight, she ALWAYS had a libido - it wasn't a lack thereof. It was that she did not see ME as a sexual partner any longer. Not for a long time. Whatever lusty inclinations she felt, I was quite beside the point.
|
|
|
Post by saarinista on Oct 18, 2019 20:53:24 GMT -5
I think it's pretty rude/cruel to use toys on yourself (or just masturbate, period) yet deny your spouse sex.
I guess if a refuser was supplementing actual sex with self pleasuring, that would be one thing. But to end sex with your partner completely, yet continue to self pleasure? That seems passive aggressive and just downright mean.
|
|
|
Post by Apocrypha on Oct 21, 2019 13:58:17 GMT -5
I think it's pretty rude/cruel to use toys on yourself (or just masturbate, period) yet deny your spouse sex. I guess if a refuser was supplementing actual sex with self pleasuring, that would be one thing. But to end sex with your partner completely, yet continue to self pleasure? That seems passive aggressive and just downright mean. Think of a person who you definitely don't want to have sex with. Maybe someone you like, or even love. Your co-worker who does competent enough work, or who you don't like. Maybe a lifelong friend or relative. Someone who you just don't see as sexual partner, despite the fact that you are hot to trot and ready to go. Now, imagine they want you. Is your choice to handle things "on your own" mean to them?
|
|
|
Post by saarinista on Oct 21, 2019 18:19:13 GMT -5
I think it's pretty rude/cruel to use toys on yourself (or just masturbate, period) yet deny your spouse sex. I guess if a refuser was supplementing actual sex with self pleasuring, that would be one thing. But to end sex with your partner completely, yet continue to self pleasure? That seems passive aggressive and just downright mean. Think of a person who you definitely don't want to have sex with. Maybe someone you like, or even love. Your co-worker who does competent enough work, or who you don't like. Maybe a lifelong friend or relative. Someone who you just don't see as sexual partner, despite the fact that you are hot to trot and ready to go. Now, imagine they want you. Is your choice to handle things "on your own" mean to them? I'm not seeing the analogy here. Your friend or co-worker whom you love has not made a commitment to you that is generally presumed to include bilateral lifelong sexual fidelity. True I'm a little low on caffeine right now, but what am I missing? It seems like comparing apples to oranges.
|
|
|
Post by ScottDinTN on Oct 21, 2019 22:52:58 GMT -5
The reason I threw out the toys I had bought to use on her was, if my wife wasn't going to let me use them on her, I sure didn't want her using them on herself without me. Unless she let me watch. lol
I don't think she ever used them. I think she is disgusted by sex deep down.
I told my wife once when we talked about an open marriage that she could be with someone else if she wanted. She said she didn't want to because I met all her sexual needs. I did all I could do to keep from letting the biggest laugh ever right in her face. It had been three months at the time since we had sex.
|
|
|
Post by workingonit on Oct 22, 2019 22:25:32 GMT -5
Think of a person who you definitely don't want to have sex with. Maybe someone you like, or even love. Your co-worker who does competent enough work, or who you don't like. Maybe a lifelong friend or relative. Someone who you just don't see as sexual partner, despite the fact that you are hot to trot and ready to go. Now, imagine they want you. Is your choice to handle things "on your own" mean to them? I'm not seeing the analogy here. Your friend or co-worker whom you love has not made a commitment to you that is generally presumed to include bilateral lifelong sexual fidelity. True I'm a little low on caffeine right now, but what am I missing? It seems like comparing apples to oranges. He is saying your refusing spouse sees you the same as a coworker. You are locked into something together but they do not desire you. I think..
|
|
|
Post by Apocrypha on Oct 23, 2019 9:21:42 GMT -5
Think of a person who you definitely don't want to have sex with. Maybe someone you like, or even love. Your co-worker who does competent enough work, or who you don't like. Maybe a lifelong friend or relative. Someone who you just don't see as sexual partner, despite the fact that you are hot to trot and ready to go. Now, imagine they want you. Is your choice to handle things "on your own" mean to them? I'm not seeing the analogy here. Your friend or co-worker whom you love has not made a commitment to you that is generally presumed to include bilateral lifelong sexual fidelity. True I'm a little low on caffeine right now, but what am I missing? It seems like comparing apples to oranges. When this is all over, it will be crystal clear - but it's really hard to see when you are still in it. Let me rephrase: The lack of sex is being framed as a broken promise - a failure to deliver a contractual obligation. But that the promise was founded under the premise that it included a sexual attraction - an attraction that no longer exists. That attraction no longer exists, but the expectation to perform sexually does. Pause and imagine what that might be like. It's no longer a mutual expression of fulfillment, and instead becomes the performance of service. People, even those with a strong libido, tend not to want sex with people to whom they are not attracted. It's unpleasant, and can feel like a violation. In those circumstances, sex becomes an unwanted chore. Try running that program for - I dunno - a year, 5 years, ten. How do you think you will feel? Not wanting sex, and/or not having sex, with someone you aren't attracted to, is not intuitively malevolent, whether or not you are married. Carrying through with an obligation to demand or to service someone who you are not attracted to sexually, is not likely to yield positive long term results, nor a change of heart. The shifting of your attention from the lack of sex to the most proximate reason for the lack of sex, is simultaneously the most horrible and most liberating realization of all. You can - to an extent - forgive your partner for the lack of sexual expression in your life, and get onside with the avoidance of it with each other - but there are obviously other consequences that follow as well.
|
|