jessie83
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Post by jessie83 on Oct 8, 2019 18:24:06 GMT -5
Me and my hubby don't have sex often at all anymore. On the rare occasion we do have sex things are different. It takes him a while to get there. I've talked to him about this and he say's it feels different. Now I asked him to elaborate on this and he said he doesn't have as much feeling in his nether regions as he used too. So my question is could this be due to masturbating to hard? He needs alot more friction these days.Any ideas on why this is?
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Post by baza on Oct 8, 2019 19:23:05 GMT -5
Just been re-reading all your posts back from 28 March 2019 Sister jessie83 . This latest "why" chase - "could this be due to masturbating to hard?" - could well be correct. It is as good as any other "why" you've thought of. Thing is in these situations - (a) - the "why" he is sexually avoidant may never be known. (b) - in the unlikely event that you uncover the real "why", you can't do anything about it anyway. That's his job, not yours. Comes a time when your focus needs to come off him and his past and current issues, and move onto to you and your future. Maybe that time has come.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 8, 2019 20:31:29 GMT -5
Re-reading your old posts I saw your are both in the 30's. That's pretty young for him to be experiencing desensitizing in his penis. Young but not impossible I suppose. I have also experienced the same thing, except I was in my mid 60's when it began to occur, and it is not uncommon in older males. And it could be from over masturbating, especially if porn is involved. From previous posts I should like to re-state the obvious. What ever is going on he should be talking to his doctor.
EDIT: when I say doctor I am also thinking of his therapist or a urologist. It is possible that part of the problem is in his head, the big head. I have found that engaging in intimacy less frequent cures any issue I have with sensitivity. but you are already having limited PIV so that approach isn't applicable. if he is being honest then it really does sound like he needs to see a urologist 1st. if it isn't physical then perhaps a sex therapist.
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Post by ScottDinTN on Oct 8, 2019 22:38:23 GMT -5
Does he take any anti-depressants or other drugs that could have this side effect?
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jessie83
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Post by jessie83 on Oct 9, 2019 6:14:31 GMT -5
Does he take any anti-depressants or other drugs that could have this side effect? No he doesn't.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 9, 2019 8:32:12 GMT -5
FWIW I have read that many men use a tight hold when masturbating and that can desensitize their penis so they have little sensation during intercourse. This particularly affects men who masturbate frequently including porn addicts. You probably can learn about this by googling.
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Post by Apocrypha on Oct 9, 2019 10:15:58 GMT -5
Me and my hubby don't have sex often at all anymore. On the rare occasion we do have sex things are different. It takes him a while to get there. I've talked to him about this and he say's it feels different. Now I asked him to elaborate on this and he said he doesn't have as much feeling in his nether regions as he used too. So my question is could this be due to masturbating to hard? He needs alot more friction these days.Any ideas on why this is? Googling medical knowledge on sexual matters can be like a opening stack of bad magazines. No one is going to suddenly, or even within the span of a few years, "desensitize their penis" by whacking it too much. Porn "addiction" in most cases, isn't going to "desensitize" anyone. It's possible that he's not being precise with his words. Around age 30-40, his refractory period post orgasm, takes longer. Subsequent orgasms after the initial one, require more direct or intense stimulation. It's not that the penis is less sensitive or less able to feel pleasure. It's that more stimulation is needed to reach orgasm past the first one, and it takes longer to get an erection again. So, if porn or masturbation is in the picture and he wants a fast launch, then he'd likely want to ease up on the throttle prior. Anti-depressants can affect libido and ability to reach orgasm. Also, some boner pills can make it more difficult to reach orgasm. Condoms certainly desensitize things. If it's really "he has no feeling in his junk", I'd think this is a medical issue. And I'd want to get on that if I was him. If he isn't, but you are... that's something to observe about the level of priority with which he treats this.
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Post by flashjohn on Oct 9, 2019 10:33:57 GMT -5
Me and my hubby don't have sex often at all anymore. On the rare occasion we do have sex things are different. It takes him a while to get there. I've talked to him about this and he say's it feels different. Now I asked him to elaborate on this and he said he doesn't have as much feeling in his nether regions as he used too. So my question is could this be due to masturbating to hard? He needs alot more friction these days.Any ideas on why this is? I call this the "death grip" syndrome. It can be caused by masturbating. Unfortunately, a pussy is not as tight as a man can grip. He can change, but it will take him a while to be re-sensitized to your pussy. But he needs to stop masturbating. I suggest that you do it for him, and loosen up your grip a bit each time. Eventually, his penis will not require so much hard stimulation to climax.
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Post by Apocrypha on Oct 9, 2019 14:55:25 GMT -5
Me and my hubby don't have sex often at all anymore. On the rare occasion we do have sex things are different. It takes him a while to get there. I've talked to him about this and he say's it feels different. Now I asked him to elaborate on this and he said he doesn't have as much feeling in his nether regions as he used too. So my question is could this be due to masturbating to hard? He needs alot more friction these days.Any ideas on why this is? I call this the "death grip" syndrome. It can be caused by masturbating. Unfortunately, a pussy is not as tight as a man can grip. He can change, but it will take him a while to be re-sensitized to your pussy. But he needs to stop masturbating. I suggest that you do it for him, and loosen up your grip a bit each time. Eventually, his penis will not require so much hard stimulation to climax. Ok, suppose this "death grip" thing is true (I've never heard of such a thing). What age are the players in this tale though? Do you think that suddenly, deep into adulthood, someone's going to change their preferred method of self-pleasure to this new way, that supposedly paralyzes his penis? And on the ILIASM board, wouldn't it be likely that jessie83 already has made all kinds of offers to her her husband at this point, for various methods of pleasure? Trying to imagine pitting that to my ex-wife you didn't want to root me - with me pointing out to her that I need to be the one to stimulate her to orgasm. I think I DID make that offer at some point or another. It isn't very realistic in a celibate marriage. It's interesting to observe though ... in all these things... whether the partner is suspected to be gay, or have trauma, or maybe unusual fetishes, or masturbates incorrectly, or too little or too frequently, or have the wrong hormone levels etc ... in each of these cases, it seems the one pursuing the solution is the one who doesn't have that supposed problem and who can't really do much to solve it.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 9, 2019 16:00:42 GMT -5
Link to article about causes of and solutions for penile numbness: www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/322694.phpOf course, as is true with why chasing for sexless marriages, finding the cause of the refuser’s rejection won’t change the situation unless the refuser does the work to solve the problem. Typically here, the only person invested in problem solving is the refused.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 9, 2019 16:53:13 GMT -5
Could be true, could be nonsense. No way to know with a refuser.
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 9, 2019 21:24:28 GMT -5
jessie83... masturbating a lot, sure. Or even decongestants (Sudafed can make me damn frustrated). Or having masturbated recently. Or generally not being very aroused, perhaps due to an overexposure to porn (the bar for “interesting” becomes unreasonably high), stress, interest elsewhere, or a host of other psychological explanations. Contrary to popular opinion, arousal and climax have a huge mental component for guys, even though erections can have a mind of their own. Sure, it’s very physical for guys, but our mind has to be in the right space or it’ll never happen; some guys, their head is always in that space and can’t be dissuaded.
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 11, 2019 5:31:04 GMT -5
This is a long shot.
In the process of trying to fix my SM, I worked at getting better at sex. One issue was that I blew a nut quickly, and my ex refused to do foreplay. Well, I figured out some tricks for staying power. I hope this is not TMI. One kink trick was cock bondage. I found several methods of tying my junk which had several positive effects such as increased rigidity, size, and staying power. There were two problems. One, having my junk tied increased friction to my partner in undesirable ways, and, two, holding in the blood for an extra large and painfully hard boner for any real length of time risks damage to the member, and I ended up desensitized by nerve damage which fortunately was temporary, but still lasted several months.
I don't think this sort of damage can be done with traditional rough masterbation, but if he is in the habit of using cock rings or penis pumps, this might be the cause of his desensitization.
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jessie83
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Post by jessie83 on Oct 12, 2019 18:59:36 GMT -5
jessie83Can I have a go at this? I’m the HL in my SM. After 7 1/2 years of absolute celibacy, a divorce threat and months of marital counseling, the W decided to reset me. There were three starfish-style encounters in the span of 2 months, but the collateral rejections were FAR more triggering than the sex was satisfying, so I called off the hunt. I was 39 at the time. Anyhows, I experienced what I think you are describing: No problem getting it up, but I outlasted her by far. The first 2 times, I didn’t even bother finishing. Of course she doesn’t make it easy by not taking off her shirt or making any attempt whatsoever to do anything remotely sexy; just lays there with that “how long do I have to endure this” look on her face. I do think the condom had something to do it (long story), and any of the suggestions above could have contributed, but honestly, I believe I have a 2-part “chemical” problem— 1. Chemical imbalance (depression) 2. There ain’t been a lick of “chemistry” in this relationship since the day my youngest was born, and W declared (without asking my opinion) that we would not be having any more kids. So, any of that apply in your neck a’ tha woods? Maybe he is a little stressed but nothing out of the ordinary. I can tell you I definitely do not lay like a piece of fuzz on the sheets. I do everything I can to excite him but still have so many issues 🤔
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