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Post by workingonit on Oct 7, 2019 18:08:14 GMT -5
I too am si.ply aghast at her control based sex exchange policy. WTF? Does she not see how f'd up that is?
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Post by nyctos on Oct 7, 2019 18:33:15 GMT -5
I have to admit I have some sympathy for your W on the kiss attempt. If she has expressed before that she isn't comfortable with public displays of affection, you should respect that. BUT, she blows it all up with the quid pro quo. WTF?! You have every right to be miffed from that point forward. If she'd left it at that I still would have been sad, but I would have understood. I actually wouldn't have tried but I knew of I waited I wouldn't have been able to try. Besides the transactional nature of her control, though, she also asked several times about she wanted to go back, and how I must want to as well to see my wife be cute. Um, so I can feel the pain of being rejected again?! So I can want to kiss her but know that I can't?? And feel stupid and weak? Yeah, right... Anyway, I put my information on to a law firm to get the initial consultation. I have no idea if I'll be strong enough to do it, or if I'll regret it. Or if eventually I would ever be able to find another romantic partner, or even if I did if I'd be psychologically capable of trusting anyone. But I don't think I can stand the torture I'm in now, so any of that other stuff may not matter.
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Post by Apocrypha on Oct 8, 2019 8:53:16 GMT -5
Besides the transactional nature of her control, though, she also asked several times about she wanted to go back, and how I must want to as well to see my wife be cute. Um, so I can feel the pain of being rejected again?! So I can want to kiss her but know that I can't?? And feel stupid and weak? Yeah, right... Anyway, I put my information on to a law firm to get the initial consultation. I have no idea if I'll be strong enough to do it, or if I'll regret it. Or if eventually I would ever be able to find another romantic partner, or even if I did if I'd be psychologically capable of trusting anyone. But I don't think I can stand the torture I'm in now, so any of that other stuff may not matter. I read that as a slight insecurity. She saw she hit harder than she intended and that you'd reacted. By "reinforcing her value" to you and reminding you of her worth, she is trying to re-establish the value she thinks she spent. I look at that comment as a "tell". It's most definitely how she wants you to feel, and what she's insecure about. I understand being strong enough for the consultation. Look at it this way. It's two people talking. You and your lawyer. It's information. If you need a stronger ethical view of it - then take the larger view: 1. It's vital to your marriage that you and your wife have an equitable, sustainable, long term partnership. 2. You do not, at the moment, have that. People don't generally want to have sex with those they disrespect. Women in particular (#notall) 3. Creating other options to consider - for YOUR life, irrespective of the marriage - and being informed about them - changes the stalemate and requires her to respond in a different way. It increases the chance of a originating on consequence on your end. 4. As you orient yourself in general toward a single life that does not depend on her (whether or not you are getting divorced), you will realize a hundred things that you will feel eager to get started on to position yourself for success, and to cut bait on things that make you sad or frustrated. Things that position you for success are self-improvement and having interests, activitities. I think these tend to get cut in the marital endgame as the focus switches to the "marriage". Say "yes" to things and don't check with her first. Don't give her dibs on your time.
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Post by 1of365days on Oct 8, 2019 9:07:04 GMT -5
Hi, I just joined this group. I wanna tell you. When a woman loves you, she LOVES you. She has your back, no matter what. If you're wrong, she'll still have your back, but that doesn't mean she'll support your behavior. That's what makes a great wife and mother. She'll never belittle you as a man, publicly nor privately. If she fells you're not living up to your responsibilities as a man, she'll do it in a loving way, and if you're the one at fault and she's reached her breaking point. A good woman will walk away. That goes for either spouse. I know because that's why I'm here. Looking to heal with people going through similar problems rather than constantly forcing a square peg marriage thru a round hole.
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Post by saarinista on Oct 9, 2019 14:38:05 GMT -5
This x 💯. Same is true for men.
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