sunnysean
Junior Member
Posts: 59
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by sunnysean on Sept 18, 2019 12:37:53 GMT -5
I hurt my shoulder trying to lift something in a stupid way. Not bad, but it was sore. I asked my wife if she could try to get a knot out, she agreed and started rubbing it for me. I'm ashamed to say I got really aroused as it had been weeks since I had really been touched. I hid my arousal as it was clear that would go over poorly if she knew. After she was done, she said, "This is not really my thing, and I don't think I'm good at it. I'll pay for it if you want to go to a massage therapist." I told her I thought she did a fine job and it really helped. Yesterday she said she had made contact with a therapist and that she thought she would be real good. I told her I truly appreciated it, but I would have to think about it. I don't know if I could handle that. If I sport wood when my wife rubs my shoulder, what the heck would I do with the real deal? I would not want to offend her. Anyway, my wife now wants to pay for someone else to touch me.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 18, 2019 13:15:13 GMT -5
My wife gave me the worst backrub in history, once. This is going to sound a little harsh, especially from "a stayer" but I'm about 10 years older than you and understand your path. You are correct that she doesn't even want to touch you. She is intimacy averse. It won't change.
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DrNo
Junior Member
Posts: 52
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by DrNo on Sept 18, 2019 16:16:05 GMT -5
Tooyoung: well said 👏🙌
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Post by worksforme2 on Sept 18, 2019 17:12:11 GMT -5
If your W is paying for it then I would be looking for a muscle relaxing shoulder massage followed by a happy landing. Don't worry about offending the masseuse. Be upfront and honest with her about her effect on you if she has one. If she has been in the business long she has probably seen plenty of such reactions. And who knows, she might be happy to take care of that other muscle problem.
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Post by obobfla on Sept 18, 2019 18:13:48 GMT -5
sunnysean, you might take your wife at her word. There are legitimate massage therapists who do excellent muscle work, but they don’t give any extras. It could lead to losing their license or even getting arrested. My regular massage therapist would not, and I would never ask her. But she has great healing hands, so it’s worth seeing her. However, massage therapists are used to their clients getting aroused. When it happens, some offer to fix the problem. Those that offer are usually the ones who stay open later, include attractive pictures in their ad, and offer “oriental” or “sensual” massages. They’re easy to spot. But be careful. You are skirting the law. If you ask, you could get yourself in trouble.
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Post by baza on Sept 19, 2019 0:39:40 GMT -5
I hurt my shoulder trying to lift something in a stupid way. Not bad, but it was sore. I asked my wife if she could try to get a knot out, she agreed and started rubbing it for me. I'm ashamed to say I got really aroused as it had been weeks since I had really been touched. I hid my arousal as it was clear that would go over poorly if she knew. After she was done, she said, "This is not really my thing, and I don't think I'm good at it. I'll pay for it if you want to go to a massage therapist." I told her I thought she did a fine job and it really helped. Yesterday she said she had made contact with a therapist and that she thought she would be real good. I told her I truly appreciated it, but I would have to think about it. I don't know if I could handle that. If I sport wood when my wife rubs my shoulder, what the heck would I do with the real deal? I would not want to offend her. Anyway, my wife now wants to pay for someone else to touch me. It's interesting reading your back stories Brother sunnysean . From her preference for self administered sex, her unsubtle opinions about your weight, all the way through to this latest rejective episode all paints a pretty miserable picture. And whatever your aspirations might be, they don't seem to be getting much, if any, attention. I dunno what to suggest here Brother. But I'll make this observation - the resolution to your problem is NOT going to come from your missus. Your mission would be to get yourself in a position where YOU start driving YOUR agenda, making choices on what is in YOUR best longer term best interests. Of course to do that, you have to be operating from a pretty solid foundation, and to be frank, it doesn't look like you are, at this time. So perhaps some individual therapy might help you develop that solid foundation, and then from there, you might be able to move forward.
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Post by Handy on Sept 19, 2019 1:14:19 GMT -5
sunnysean just think of a massage as a medical need. The therapist might be a younger or older guy or a 60 year old overweight woman. Well over weight male or female. Therapist have their own sexual life and you are not in it, so keep that in mind. True story: My daughter's high school friend is a doctor I see once a year. It is strictly business but sort of weird too.
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Post by frednsa on Sept 19, 2019 6:55:58 GMT -5
My wife gave me the worst backrub in history, once. This is going to sound a little harsh, especially from "a stayer" but I'm about 10 years older than you and understand your path. You are correct that she doesn't even want to touch you. She is intimacy averse. It won't change. "Intimacy-averse" HOLY COW ! I always knew my wife fell into that pigeonhole but never named it. "Sexless" "frigid" "cold" all occurred to me but you've nailed it ! I'm a stayer too and regret it every day. Now on anti-depressant meds, working so now my emotions are flattened (sad), anger is reduced (OK) but conscious awareness is not diminished in any real way so a deeper sorrow over my plight is my state. If anyone has a suggestion pls respond seaboyemaildotcom. Lovely woman but avoids any significant social involvement in person, (she's a busy bee online). This facebook crap and such just enables people like my wife. I used to think i embarrassed her and thus she avoided social involvements but your phrase "IA" has somewhat relieved me of that feeling. Half a century of this has brought my self-esteem down to sewer level........sigh............
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sunnysean
Junior Member
Posts: 59
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by sunnysean on Sept 19, 2019 12:47:34 GMT -5
"Intimacy-averse" HOLY COW ! I always knew my wife fell into that pigeonhole but never named it. "Sexless" "frigid" "cold" all occurred to me but you've nailed it ! I'm a stayer too and regret it every day. Now on anti-depressant meds, working so now my emotions are flattened (sad), anger is reduced (OK) but conscious awareness is not diminished in any real way so a deeper sorrow over my plight is my state. If anyone has a suggestion pls respond seaboyemaildotcom. Lovely woman but avoids any significant social involvement in person, (she's a busy bee online). This facebook crap and such just enables people like my wife. I used to think i embarrassed her and thus she avoided social involvements but your phrase "IA" has somewhat relieved me of that feeling. Half a century of this has brought my self-esteem down to sewer level........sigh............
When you say "facebook crap" what do you mean? I was wondering if you were talking about her posting like your life is wonderful and you and she have the perfect relationship? My wife isn't on facebook, but I have a good friend that is in a miserable relationship..but not sexless, so there's that...but she makes it look like their life is perfect on social media.
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Post by Apocrypha on Sept 19, 2019 15:19:05 GMT -5
My wife gave me the worst backrub in history, once. This is going to sound a little harsh, especially from "a stayer" but I'm about 10 years older than you and understand your path. You are correct that she doesn't even want to touch you. She is intimacy averse. It won't change. "Intimacy-averse" HOLY COW ! I always knew my wife fell into that pigeonhole but never named it. "Sexless" "frigid" "cold" all occurred to me but you've nailed it ! I'm a stayer too and regret it every day. Now on anti-depressant meds, working so now my emotions are flattened (sad), anger is reduced (OK) but conscious awareness is not diminished in any real way so a deeper sorrow over my plight is my state. If anyone has a suggestion pls respond seaboyemaildotcom. Lovely woman but avoids any significant social involvement in person, (she's a busy bee online). This facebook crap and such just enables people like my wife. I used to think i embarrassed her and thus she avoided social involvements but your phrase "IA" has somewhat relieved me of that feeling. Half a century of this has brought my self-esteem down to sewer level........sigh............
She is intimacy averse to you. Evidence is out as to whether that's the case outside of the scenario of a relationship with you. It's tempting to approach this as a marital obligation in which your partner has been afflicted with a case of "intimacy aversion", as if she has suffered a cancer or a permanent debilitating injury. You both externalize the aversion as a thing you both must contend with, and so the discussion and the tactics become aimed at enduring it or adapting to it. Anti-depressants are one way. If you are like me, you might even start to feel like the lengths you will go to and the pain that you'll endure indicate proof of how suited you are as her mate, because who else would remain loyal and persevere? Might even think eventually she will see the purgatory you are willing to endure and then realize what an ideal partner you are. So, the harder it gets, the harder she makes it, the harder you fight to tolerate it. People need connection. It's incredibly difficult when you don't have it, especially where you live. When it happens in the workplace, people leave. When it happens at home, it's very difficult to endure over the long term without incorporating it into your soul.
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 19, 2019 16:36:30 GMT -5
“f your W is paying for it then I would be looking for a muscle relaxing shoulder massage followed by a happy landing. Don't worry about offending the masseuse. Be upfront and honest with her about her effect on you if she has one. If she has been in the business long she has probably seen plenty of such reactions. And who knows, she might be happy to take care of that other muscle problem.”
Do not do this! I have several friends who are massage therapists. They are not hookers and would be insulted or possibly ca police if you requested a happy ending.
Obviously your wife doesn’t want to touch you. Is the marriage otherwise so wonderful that you’d choose to stay with a woman who’d pay so she doesn’t have to touch even your shoulder?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2019 17:02:23 GMT -5
“f your W is paying for it then I would be looking for a muscle relaxing shoulder massage followed by a happy landing. Don't worry about offending the masseuse. Be upfront and honest with her about her effect on you if she has one. If she has been in the business long she has probably seen plenty of such reactions. And who knows, she might be happy to take care of that other muscle problem.” Do not do this! I have several friends who are massage therapists. They are not hookers and would be insulted or possibly ca police if you requested a happy ending. Obviously your wife doesn’t want to touch you. Is the marriage otherwise so wonderful that you’d choose to stay with a woman who’d pay so she doesn’t have to touch even your shoulder? "Is the marriage otherwise so wonderful that you’d choose to stay with a woman who’d pay so she doesn’t have to touch even your shoulder?" That is really funny, not funny. Imagine where these people are on the spectrum of repulsed by sex (either all sex or sex with the refused) if the thought of a shoulder touch makes them want to outsource the job. Maybe the answer is like the designated hitter in baseball. me: "Hey hon, want a hug?" her: Steps aside to reveal the designated hugger. me: Hug
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Post by Handy on Sept 21, 2019 23:54:00 GMT -5
Northstarmom Do not do this! I have several friends who are massage therapists. They are not hookers and would be insulted or possibly ca police if you requested a happy ending.
I am going to go along with Northstarmom.
About happy endings at massage places, a recent reading about places that do that type of service are often involved is sex trafficking women and have pimps making the girls give hand jobs.
Not my idea of a good sexual experience.
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Post by lessingham on Sept 22, 2019 7:24:19 GMT -5
I had a great massage from a Thai woman a while ago. She was great and highly professional, no offers made on either side but some gentle joking. It is something I would love on a regular basis but there is an assumption amongst the general population that guys only go for happy endings.
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 22, 2019 8:17:34 GMT -5
Lessingham said:”had a great massage from a Thai woman a while ago. She was great and highly professional, no offers made on either side but some gentle joking. It is something I would love on a regular basis but there is an assumption amongst the general population that guys only go for happy endings.”
I know plenty of guys including post Sm lover who have massages for health or similar reasons such as massages helping with sports performances. I have never met anyone who said they assume. the only reason men get massages is for happy endings. What kind of minds in the gutter people do you know and why would you give a damn about their assumptions about your personal business?
You repeatedly find reasons to avoid allowing yourself pleasures. It’s not your wife but you who restricts your enjoyment of life.
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