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Post by lessingham on Sept 4, 2019 4:01:39 GMT -5
Feeling flattened. How do you get a life? I am in limbo over the looming operation for my wife. We do nothing, go nowhere and I spend my time reading and painting. How do you restart your life? m
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Post by baza on Sept 4, 2019 6:34:52 GMT -5
The process of choice will pretty much drive the direction of your life Brother lessingham . Keep choosing what you've hitherto been choosing, and you'll pretty much get the same outcomes you've been getting. If those choices have been based on your longer term best interests, you incrementally move toward a better life. If those choices have been based on what is convenient in the moment, or what seems 'easiest' and least disruptive, you generally don't.
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Post by worksforme2 on Sept 4, 2019 7:02:47 GMT -5
My take on restarting one's life. 1st one has to make a definitive decision about where one is in one's current life. Have you reached the point where your current life is so unacceptable that you really have no choice but to take a different path. It's sometimes called "deal breaker status". If you haven't reached the point where you flatly say to yourself "that's it, I'm done", then you aren't done, and your deal will continue on as is.
In the mean time it looks like you need an easing back into socializing with people at or near your age demographic. In the US there is forum called "Meet Up". Here people of all ages and norms look for activities, groups or people who have an interest in common with them. It's pretty inexpensive usually, unless your thing is sampling rare 100 yr. old wines or traveling the world. I bet there is something similar in the UK. We also have senior citizen centers that have all sorts of activities, usually available. Ping pong, pool, line dancing, card games and the list goes on and on. Also day trips come about once or twice a quarter. Again usually a pretty inexpensive way to spend a day, along with meeting some new members of your community. You could volunteer at your local hospital or senior center. Have you thought in terms of a church? My own has numerous committees(groups) that volunteer in the community through food banks or local school programs. We have a backpack program that assists a local elementary school to provide supplies for students that can't afford them. You could mentor children that need help with their studies. There are groups that police secondary roads by cleaning up trash, all volunteers. There's no end to things that need attention. You only have to get yourself moving and life will make itself available to you.
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Sept 4, 2019 9:50:27 GMT -5
One suggestion...start small and then go in phases.
I did a 90 day reboot to start. The goal for this reboot was change my mindset. Setting specific goals for those 90 days and having a written plan worked for me.
During those 90 days, take time to figure out what the next year looks like. Write down that plan. Adjust as need be.
During that year, project further out...5 years, 10 years etc.
Think holistically about your goals: mind body, heart (emotionally speaking), financial, relationships (friends, family, community), career, hobbies, travel,personal development.
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Post by lessingham on Sept 4, 2019 15:52:01 GMT -5
Thank you. It is helpful to know this site is here
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 5, 2019 8:05:36 GMT -5
How do you get a life? You stop spending your time only with your partner. You venture out alone and do things: volunteer with groups that interest you, go to Meet-ups, take classes that interest you, join and use a gym, go to coffee shops, and movies alone and smile st strangers and engage them in conversation.
Read books about making friends and small talk. Follow their advice.
Move out of the bedroom you’ve been sharing with your refuser. Make your new space a comfortable place for you.
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Post by Rhapsodee on Sept 5, 2019 14:22:51 GMT -5
I joined a hiking club. Getting out every weekend to walk and talk to interesting people opened my world. I made friends and my confidence grew.
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Post by lessingham on Sept 6, 2019 9:14:07 GMT -5
I an volunteering at the local school and also joined the church cleaning crew. I am going to a wargame convention tomorrow. It is so long since I took an interest I do not know if I still enjoy it. But if I do, I will join the club. Baby steps.
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Post by lessingham on Sept 14, 2019 6:20:10 GMT -5
Going to the local astromony club next week. It is highly structured, talks and slide shows, so no hanging around with coffee searching for chat mates. Still the search for what I want to be when I grow up.
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Sept 14, 2019 7:01:38 GMT -5
I reached out to a distant cousin I havent seen in about 8 years. He was excited I called. We went out for a beer and picked up the conversation like it had only been a week since we last spoke.
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Post by thefullmoon on Sept 14, 2019 16:06:55 GMT -5
Feeling flattened. How do you get a life? I am in limbo over the looming operation for my wife. We do nothing, go nowhere and I spend my time reading and painting. How do you restart your life? m I just started my MA course...I am 59..
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Post by lessingham on Sept 16, 2019 6:09:53 GMT -5
Too many qualifications, not boasting, to start the university of the third age. The weird thing, my brother lives about 20 miles away abd I never see or hear from him. There is no bad blood, he just never keeps in touch. Maybe I could drive over with a peace cake.
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 16, 2019 8:04:11 GMT -5
Lessingham said: “too many qualifications, not boasting, to start the university of the third age. “
You continue to put yourself in a box of your own creation. I have a social science doctorate and have been a professor. At about 52 I started taking undergrad classes in French at a local university. . At about 57, I started taking acting classes at a local community college. My teachers were up to 20 years younger than I. Students could have been my grand kids.
I made friends from the ranks of students and professors. I also developed skills that eventually led to my having major roles in community theater and getting paid work doing commercials. I developed friendships and a life very separate from my refuser. Eventually, I divorced and now have been for 6 years with a man I met in community theater. We both just got cast in a play in the country where we moved to in June.
The people I know who are the most fun and engaging are those who do take up new activities despite their ages or professional background.
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Post by saarinista on Sept 16, 2019 16:24:43 GMT -5
Too many qualifications, not boasting, to start the university of the third age. The weird thing, my brother lives about 20 miles away abd I never see or hear from him. There is no bad blood, he just never keeps in touch. Maybe I could drive over with a peace cake. So DO it. Get the peace cake and make that drive over to see your brother. DON'T just keep coming up with these great ideas, but not DOING them! I agree with northstarmom. You continue to talk yourself out of doing things that could be helpful to you. I don't know why that is, but things will never change unless you do something different from what you have been doing. I wonder why you're sabotaging your happiness?
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2019 17:27:08 GMT -5
The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”” — Jack Kerouac,
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