DryCreek - good advice and good questions: I make more than twice as much as my husband, and I have a substantial amount in my own account that I inherited from my mom, which he is not entitled to. I am scared of having to pay him alimony and/or fork over some of my pension and deferred compensation. I do have my check directly deposited into a joint account, which my husband pays our bills from. I need to make sure I monitor the account closely after I file and make sure he actually makes the payments, as he has been very irresponsible with it. I should have taken over he bills a long time ago, that is my own fault.
You might still consider having your check deposited to a personal account that you then use to fund the joint account. It puts you in a better position to take control of ensuring the bills get paid if he starts spending the money elsewhere.
Depending on your locale, you might very well end up paying alimony; splitting part of your retirement / deferred comp is even more likely unless his retirement savings is comparable.
As you head into that negotiation, be savvy about tax basis (1031 rollovers on investment real-estate; capital gains exemption for personal real estate), tax-deferred retirement (IRA, 401k), and Roth tax-free retirement accounts - the real value of these assets needs to account for their tax liability (or lack thereof).
Last Edit: Aug 30, 2019 14:20:31 GMT -5 by DryCreek
Hope this does not sound flippant but I am reminded of the old military dictum, no battle plan survives contact with the enemy. As long as you have your plan, you have 100% control of the process. As soon as you initiate it, then you get to deal with the drama and counterstrokes of your partner, which throw your plans off track.
“Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face.” - Mike Tyson
Plans are good things to have, but things rarely go according to plan. Gotta have contingencies.
It’s an interesting pattern here that often once someone has a long-range plan worked out, something happens unexpectedly and the plan is put into motion much sooner than expected. But having that plan thought out makes all the difference.
Last Edit: Aug 31, 2019 12:17:46 GMT -5 by DryCreek
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
solodriver: Thanks warmways
Oct 30, 2019 23:36:15 GMT -5
RealMustangGuy: When using a member's username in a post, how does one get it to be in different color and work as a link? I can type in the name but after posting it doesn't look the same as when others use member's usernames in their posts.
Nov 2, 2019 11:37:25 GMT -5
bfar: Just stumbled on this article:https://masculinebydesign.com/sexless-marriage-is-symptomatic-of-emasculated-husbands/ was more than a little disconcerting. Are we digging ourselves further in the hole by trying to be all enlightened and sensitive?
Nov 3, 2019 13:46:42 GMT -5
petrushka: Mate, what's the alternative to all enlightened and sensitive here? Rape? Coercion? Sexual assault? Thanks, but I can do better than being a complete arsehole (or psychopath for that matter).
Nov 3, 2019 21:11:53 GMT -5
bfar: Petrushka... I'm just wondering if we shot ourselves in the foot, as it were, by giving giving up on our strength, and giving in to the feminist agenda of making men irrelevant.
Nov 5, 2019 11:30:21 GMT -5
petrushka: Sorry, I don't buy into that at all. I'm not giving up anything. I've been into the "feminist agenda" for nearly 60 years. Having an empowered partner empowers me. I want strong women around me who take responsibility for themselves and who can face me
Nov 5, 2019 17:20:16 GMT -5
petrushka: I see 'strong men', and controlling bullies, as basically weak, lacking confidence and self esteem -- hence they think they need to assert themselves that way. I loathe patriarchy as much as matriarchy. Partners should be equals.
Nov 5, 2019 17:24:43 GMT -5
petrushka: In my world view, you are buying into some really shitty memes there.
Nov 5, 2019 17:25:20 GMT -5
apocrypha: The "feminist agenda" has changed across the past 60 years. Some feminists of the 60's call the current iteration "fainting couch feminism", thinking it a subversion and betrayal of women's lib. Hard to get a bead on what folks think, using a broad label.
Nov 8, 2019 9:37:14 GMT -5
apocrypha: No aspect of that article (which I amount to a magazine offering bad diet advice) promotes rape, coercion (beyond seduction), sexual assault, and I don't understand your public performance suggesting that they would be and thus implicating bfar.
Nov 8, 2019 9:41:51 GMT -5
mirrororchid: pfar, being sensitive means understanding how others think and feel. It doesn't mean you are compelled to adopt their thoughts and feelings. This is a matter of understanding people including loved ones. If you aren't sensitive, you lack tools to
Nov 11, 2019 8:09:49 GMT -5
mirrororchid: live well. You need not soften, but you should be able to understand vulnerability. Recognizing others' distress provides me with cues when I need to use self-control or extend help. If you're strong, you should be helping others. Use what works.
Nov 11, 2019 8:14:06 GMT -5
worksforme2: You know who I miss ...I miss smartkat and andie..and snowman 12345
Nov 14, 2019 9:16:44 GMT -5