|
Post by lessingham on Jul 10, 2019 3:05:05 GMT -5
Okaaay. Nice, it is a word bandied around here and seems to have several meanings depending on who is using it. Nice can mean trying to please someone and from a male point of view, a sexual tactic. Nice seems to be a sexual tactic that creeps a lot of women out. It is also a unintentional cruel tactic used by women,hoping the guy will get the message and go, but trying to be nice about it. Nice can be passive and passive aggressive. Nice can be a tactic used by men kicked in the teeth by women and not wanting the repeat. Nice guys come last. When does nice stop being nice and enter the creep zone? Here in the UK the word is always followed by, "it/he was nice..... But." Women know the difference between aggressive and assertive, it seems us guys don't and opt for nice instead. Can one unlearn nice? My life was an attempt to be nice and I guess I came last.
|
|
|
Post by baza on Jul 10, 2019 3:51:58 GMT -5
I'm none too sure that "nice" is actually a problem. Here's some names for you. shamwow . endthegame . thebaffledking . filtermachine . nolongerlonely . All of these ILIASM members seem - to me - to be real good blokes. Nice fellows. And in the great race of life, I would not describe them as having finished last. Au contraire. Another comment true of this handful example above is that all of them have gotten out of their ILIASM shitholes. Maybe we are debating semantics here about what "nice" means - and we can all put our own spin on that. But to me, being "nice" does not give you a pass on making difficult choices, and that handful of examples above are testament to that fact. Being "nice" is not really a problem (in my opinion) Giving yourself a pass on making choices, now that IS a problem.
|
|
|
Post by elkclan2 on Jul 10, 2019 6:29:21 GMT -5
My guy is a nice guy. He's not however a 'nice guy' - using faux niceness to try to get something. When I say he's a nice guy, I mean he's kind, considerate, thoughtful and patient- and not just to me. But to me, my kid, his kids, his colleagues, the little old lady who needs help crossing the road. It's real and it's who he is. It's not just not being rude to servers or kicking puppies, it's an awareness of other people's needs and feelings. It makes him a great lover, too - where he's considerate of my needs and feelings and it sometimes results in him being naughty rather than nice ;-)
|
|
|
Nice
Jul 10, 2019 7:41:47 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by lessingham on Jul 10, 2019 7:41:47 GMT -5
That is what I am saying, hopefully. It is a word with many shades of meaning, from a good person, a good thing to a weak and disappointing event or person.
|
|
|
Nice
Jul 10, 2019 11:57:37 GMT -5
Post by mescaline on Jul 10, 2019 11:57:37 GMT -5
It's one of those vague words that is entirely context dependent, and also completely subjective, my "nice" in a given situation maybe very different from yours!
|
|
DrNo
Junior Member
Posts: 52
Age Range: 51-55
|
Post by DrNo on Jul 10, 2019 12:46:41 GMT -5
As a British guy myself I do my upmost to avoid the word "nice". I was taught that it was a lazy word to describe everything and nothing. :-)
|
|
endthegame
Junior Member
Posts: 96
Age Range: 46-50
|
Post by endthegame on Jul 10, 2019 14:02:29 GMT -5
Nice... Rhetoric, relativity, semantics, whatever. Does it matter? Thankyou Baz for calling me nice. Which reminds me, your lovely Enna wrote a storming post, the nice refuser. Now that's relativity. It was a nice post, very nice. Maybe worth a re post?
For what it's worth during the process of leaving I was NOT nice. I had conviction, direction, strength, purpose. But, at no point was I a wanker.
One needs to love themselves enough to leave. You can still be nice while sticking to your morals, conviction, goals etc.
And Baz, how on earth do you tag someone on this forum?
|
|
|
Nice
Jul 11, 2019 20:02:53 GMT -5
Post by baza on Jul 11, 2019 20:02:53 GMT -5
Just put an @ symbol in front of the name mate. For example if you wanted to tag member mypaintbrushes then you'd type @mypaintbrushs and that tags them. And after you've posted it the members name will come up in blue - like this - mypaintbrushes - so you know you have successfully tagged them.
|
|
|
Post by deadzone75 on Jul 11, 2019 22:01:53 GMT -5
One thing I know: I've never been laid by anyone who has called me nice.
|
|
|
Post by elkclan2 on Jul 12, 2019 4:04:33 GMT -5
deadzone75 I really wanted a nice guy after being with a shitty guy. I love that he lights my fire in the bedroom and he's super nice to me everywhere else. Not that he isn't nice in the bedroom, too - for example, I've noticed that if I'm sick or upset or super busy with work, he doesn't initiate sex, but he is responsive. I noticed that if he's sick or super busy with work or whatever, I don't initiate either. We had a chat about it recently and articulated that we're just being respectful of the other person. Sometimes if you're feeling sick you still want sex, but that should be up to the sick person. I care more about how he feels than needing sex from him at any given moment. And I feel he cares more about how I feel than needing sex from me if I'm not well. He organised a major conference last year and while it was on, I never asked him for sex but let him know I was available if he wanted it - and he's done the same for me. That's nice. It isn't like we're lacking for sex on a day to day basis. He can also be quite naughty in the bedroom ;-)
|
|
|
Post by deadzone75 on Jul 13, 2019 19:32:48 GMT -5
deadzone75 I really wanted a nice guy after being with a shitty guy. I love that he lights my fire in the bedroom and he's super nice to me everywhere else. Not that he isn't nice in the bedroom, too - for example, I've noticed that if I'm sick or upset or super busy with work, he doesn't initiate sex, but he is responsive. I noticed that if he's sick or super busy with work or whatever, I don't initiate either. We had a chat about it recently and articulated that we're just being respectful of the other person. Sometimes if you're feeling sick you still want sex, but that should be up to the sick person. I care more about how he feels than needing sex from him at any given moment. And I feel he cares more about how I feel than needing sex from me if I'm not well. He organised a major conference last year and while it was on, I never asked him for sex but let him know I was available if he wanted it - and he's done the same for me. That's nice. It isn't like we're lacking for sex on a day to day basis. He can also be quite naughty in the bedroom ;-) Nice is good as a feeling toward someone, I just don't like hearing someone tell me I'm nice. Possibly because it takes me back to all the times a female used the word to describe me, which was code for "I like you, but I'm never going to have sex with you". Oh, God...high school flashbacks! Thanks, Prom night '92, for ruining my life.
|
|
|
Post by 2019change on Jul 14, 2019 9:42:43 GMT -5
I think the most common use is for the word 'nice' is describing someone boring. Like an old pair of shoes, comfy, does the job won't chafe and you know they are there and you can go on with your life without giving them a second thought.
|
|
|
Nice
Jul 17, 2019 3:40:59 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by lessingham on Jul 17, 2019 3:40:59 GMT -5
I think it is a word with so many nuances it stimies conversation. She says you are nice, meaning you are good company but you will never have a chance. He thinks wow, she thinks I am nice! I'll keep on doing all this nice stuff as I am almostcat the bedroom door. The dance of misunderstanding goes on until her patience snaps.
|
|
|
Nice
Jul 21, 2019 5:07:40 GMT -5
sadkat likes this
Post by richfairy72 on Jul 21, 2019 5:07:40 GMT -5
Okaaay. Nice, it is a word bandied around here and seems to have several meanings depending on who is using it. Nice can mean trying to please someone and from a male point of view, a sexual tactic. Nice seems to be a sexual tactic that creeps a lot of women out. It is also a unintentional cruel tactic used by women,hoping the guy will get the message and go, but trying to be nice about it. Nice can be passive and passive aggressive. Nice can be a tactic used by men kicked in the teeth by women and not wanting the repeat. Nice guys come last. When does nice stop being nice and enter the creep zone? Here in the UK the word is always followed by, "it/he was nice..... But." Women know the difference between aggressive and assertive, it seems us guys don't and opt for nice instead. Can one unlearn nice? My life was an attempt to be nice and I guess I came last. Being a nice personality (ie, kind considerate and loving) does not mean allowing other people to walk over you. I am still practising having healthy boundaries with friends, colleagues and my kids. I mistakenly thought that being nice meant putting my own needs aside for everyone else. I have learnt I can still prioritise my needs whilst being kind to others.....it just means I gradually feel less put-upon. I have been too nice, literally a walk over, for too long but I refuse to change my innate personality of being kind and compassionate to others. Not sure that makes sense but it is something that took a long time for me to be at peace with ....I felt angry that I felt walked all over because I'm nice.....I'm still working on this. Oh and gradually I am surrounding myself with non toxic people. That helps too!
|
|
|
Post by snowman12345 on Jul 21, 2019 6:52:40 GMT -5
Sometimes an experience is described as "nice" - meaning it was "ok" but did not meet one's expectations. That same meaning is often applied to a person - "he is nice because he is so patient with the kids, but I can't get him to fuck me."
|
|