|
Post by deadzone75 on Jul 16, 2019 14:47:51 GMT -5
Happy Birthday deadzone75 ! How did wife get 2 broken ribs?? I’m sorry you’re facing another sexless Birthday. I can commiserate. My last birthday was probably the worst one I’ve ever had. I’m hopeful I’ll not have another one like it again. Hang in there! Thank you! No idea how she got them. Technically, they are only suspected to be fractured, but x-rays were inconclusive. She is likely going for an MRI, but as to the cause, best guess is a dock door that came down on her head at work. I'm sorry your last birthday was miserable. SM related, I assume? She did order me a nice cake and an awesome Cowboys robe, so that was cool. But we both know the gift I really asked birthday Santa for.
|
|
|
Post by isthisit on Jul 16, 2019 16:15:58 GMT -5
Well, just an update. Still haven't come close to testing this foreign device in her body. And now she is laid up with a fractured rib for 2 weeks, give or take. I may not have sex the rest of 2019 the way things are going. Looks like a 14th straight birthday not getting laid. Oh well, I'll eat a shitload of cake and then get myself off to round out the day. Happy birthday deadzone75 . I hope for better for you next year, it's pretty miserable to sort yourself out on your birthday.
|
|
|
Post by deadzone75 on Jul 17, 2019 11:34:33 GMT -5
Well, just an update. Still haven't come close to testing this foreign device in her body. And now she is laid up with a fractured rib for 2 weeks, give or take. I may not have sex the rest of 2019 the way things are going. Looks like a 14th straight birthday not getting laid. Oh well, I'll eat a shitload of cake and then get myself off to round out the day. Happy birthday deadzone75 . I hope for better for you next year, it's pretty miserable to sort yourself out on your birthday. Thank you
|
|
|
Post by flashjohn on Jul 17, 2019 14:50:55 GMT -5
Well, just an update. Still haven't come close to testing this foreign device in her body. And now she is laid up with a fractured rib for 2 weeks, give or take. I may not have sex the rest of 2019 the way things are going. Looks like a 14th straight birthday not getting laid. Oh well, I'll eat a shitload of cake and then get myself off to round out the day. So sorry my friend. I did not have sex on my birthday for the 28 years I was with my ExRefuser. However, since leaving her in 2016, I have had sex on every birthday and most all days in between. Not gloating, I just want to let you know that things can be different.
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jul 18, 2019 7:17:19 GMT -5
Does she think you have an active sex life? I feel like she has serious delusions from what you have shared. Those would have to be some SERIOUS delusions if she considers us sexually active. I think we have to keep in mind that often our refusers do not track the frequency of intimacy in the relationship as we often do. Numerous members, including me, have posted that their partners often make the statement "we just had sex". That would be fine except that often that statement comes after a lapse in frequency, usually of months. So in their minds the sex really is frequent. Why they see things from that perspective is anyone's guess, but this response happens far too often to be random chance.
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jul 19, 2019 8:31:56 GMT -5
I have tried to think of a compelling reason or even an argument for your W getting an IUD when she is not sexually active with you. I can only come up with one. I don't know of any medical or psychological benefit for having the proceedure when there is no chance of you impregnating her if the 2 of you aren't having sex. I am afraid this basically puts me in the boat with jim44444. Meaning that she is either currently active or is planning on being sexually active with someone else in the future. Why else address potential pregnancy issues if she is not in danger of becoming pregnant? You may not be the only party that is dis-satisfied with the current state of intimacy in the marriage.
|
|
|
Post by deadzone75 on Jul 21, 2019 14:57:24 GMT -5
Those would have to be some SERIOUS delusions if she considers us sexually active. I think we have to keep in mind that often our refusers do not track the frequency of intimacy in the relationship as we often do. Numerous members, including me, have posted that their partners often make the statement "we just had sex". That would be fine except that often that statement comes after a lapse in frequency, usually of months. So in their minds the sex really is frequent. Why they see things from that perspective is anyone's guess, but this response happens far too often to be random chance. I never would have believed that until I found this place. It blows my mind that a refuser can actually be oblivious to the frequency of sex.
|
|
|
Post by deadzone75 on Jul 21, 2019 15:01:46 GMT -5
I have tried to think of a compelling reason or even an argument for your W getting an IUD when she is not sexually active with you. I can only come up with one. I don't know of any medical or psychological benefit for having the proceedure when there is no chance of you impregnating her if the 2 of you aren't having sex. I am afraid this basically puts me in the boat with jim44444. Meaning that she is either currently active or is planning on being sexually active with someone else in the future. Why else address potential pregnancy issues if she is not in danger of becoming pregnant? You may not be the only party that is dis-satisfied with the current state of intimacy in the marriage. At one point I practically begged her to sleep with someone else. In some ridiculous way, I believed that banging someone else might spark something inside of her. Maybe because I've heard stories of people having 3somes or 4somes or sharing, and their marriages being saved as a result. I'm sure those instances are rare, but when you are at rock-bottom, you'll try about anything, I guess. Even now, if she were to come home and confess she slept with someone, I'd probably get excited and ask for details. That's probably a good sign that the damage is officially irreversible.
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Jul 21, 2019 16:56:37 GMT -5
I have tried to think of a compelling reason or even an argument for your W getting an IUD when she is not sexually active with you. I can only come up with one. I don't know of any medical or psychological benefit for having the proceedure when there is no chance of you impregnating her if the 2 of you aren't having sex. I am afraid this basically puts me in the boat with jim44444. Meaning that she is either currently active or is planning on being sexually active with someone else in the future. Why else address potential pregnancy issues if she is not in danger of becoming pregnant? You may not be the only party that is dis-satisfied with the current state of intimacy in the marriage. At one point I practically begged her to sleep with someone else. In some ridiculous way, I believed that banging someone else might spark something inside of her. Maybe because I've heard stories of people having 3somes or 4somes or sharing, and their marriages being saved as a result. I'm sure those instances are rare, but when you are at rock-bottom, you'll try about anything, I guess. Even now, if she were to come home and confess she slept with someone, I'd probably get excited and ask for details. That's probably a good sign that the damage is officially irreversible. Try not to feel strange about your reaction to the "what if" question.... I recall the day when our psychologist asked me, " greatcoastal how would you feel if your W was having an affair?" My response came without hesitation, I said " good!That's great, good for her. At least that would explain a few things and I would be free". Like you , it was another tipping point. And, once again, my ex denied and avoided giving any answer or showing any concern about the question. Her mind was always about remaining in CONTROL, and any weakness on her part would give me power and control. She could not handle that. I now have other people in my life and regret the years wasted.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Jul 21, 2019 17:11:57 GMT -5
Her having or planning to have an affair is the only reason I can think of for a refuser’s getting a birth control implant.
|
|
|
Post by Apocrypha on Jul 22, 2019 13:25:54 GMT -5
My paranoid mind thinks she has a boy friend that will not use condoms. Speaking from experience, what makes you think this is paranoid? If she was seeking to avoid sex altogether and to blame you for it, she already has a perfect reason. What do you think has changed in her world that prompted this measure? It would seem she doesn't really have a sexual relationship with you anyway, so the IUD is beside the point somewhat. Takes an enormous amount of energy to come to "accept" that someone else may get the benefit of that with one's partner, irrespective of you not get any either. The net result doesn't change all that much in the long run (either way, there's no romantic investment), but I wouldn't go so far as to say an affair is insignificant in the context of a sexless marriage. Whatever suffering you endure in a celibate relationship, you are both partners in the celibacy. Once an affair is revealed, it puts front and center the idea that you are no longer partners in misery - that bait is being cut and you aren't partners in the struggle. You are alone.
|
|
|
Post by Apocrypha on Jul 22, 2019 13:28:54 GMT -5
I hope cake is the name of your new girlfriend. There is ZERO reason why a broken rib prevents having sex. It would change what you can do but there's still ways to have sex. I bet she'll still take the dick from her boyfriend she got the IUD for so he can cream pie the pussy your should be getting. I'd settle for a handjob. She wouldn't even have to move her torso or her head. Hell, she'd barely have to be conscious. Sex from someone who doesn't want to have sex with you, will make you hate yourself and sex. Takes a few times to realize that's where it has landed. From the singles world, I can tell you that if you are attracted to someone and want to have sex, you will find a way, often going through inconvenience to do so. Disabled, paralyzed people want to have sex, and try to have it.
|
|
|
Post by flashjohn on Jul 22, 2019 14:41:57 GMT -5
Her having or planning to have an affair is the only reason I can think of for a refuser’s getting a birth control implant. I agree. She is fucking someone or planning to in the near future.
|
|
timedelay
Full Member
Posts: 153
Age Range: 46-50
|
Post by timedelay on Jul 23, 2019 4:35:37 GMT -5
deadzone75 Is it possible she has convinced herself the main reason she doesn't like sex with you is due to a fear of getting pregnant? I'm only mentioning this because I noticed a few asexual people discussing how the idea of getting pregnant is a massive issue for them. It took my husband an insanely long time to understand his fear of impregnating me was only part of his aversion to sex in general. I've been 'making' him tell me the truth lately. It's exhausting, draining and at times just annoying but I am finding a kind of freedom in demanding truth. It's also been eye opening to hear what has been going on in his head during our near 30yr relationship. He is also feeling some relief in finally being honest. The only way to find out why your wife has done this is to ask her straight out what her reasoning was/is. Something else that caught my attention this morning is this quote from an unknown source, "You either say how you feel and fuck it up or say nothing and let it fuck you up instead".
|
|
|
Post by Handy on Jul 23, 2019 21:22:35 GMT -5
timedelay, my W had a difficult second delivery and it made us reluctant at times to have sex. We both were concerned about creating a 3rd difficult delivery.
Yes, some men do have serious concerns about getting the W pregnant again.
deadzone75's W could have gotten the IUD mostly out of imagined fear she might become pregnant even if they only have sex once a year. Her imagination and fear might be over riding reality.
|
|