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Post by sadkat on Jun 28, 2019 16:13:13 GMT -5
TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo- thank you for your explanation- it makes sense to me. I can see how fear of rejection would impact how you feel about sex in general. Getting to a place where you are no longer concerned about the outcome should you be the one to initiate is commendable. The bottom line is that you are not really seeking validation through sex. Instead, you are not allowing yourself to feel invalidated should you initiate and be refused. That’s really great progress!
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Post by Handy on Jun 28, 2019 16:54:06 GMT -5
Workingonit And the TRUTH of your wife's past matters much less than her narrative about that past. She has created the meaning of her life based on her narrative. Trying to counteract that is a waste of your time.This is so revealing and an insight to remember. I got my W's narrative of me and our past, it doesn't match what I was trying and attempting to accomplish. My W's narrative was way off from my reality. I did 20 things right but the 2 things I did wrong really put me in a hole that is difficult to dig out of.
In a way I am a screw-up, but in another way I am a genius. I might make a good hermit that lives off the grid (except I need the Internet).
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 28, 2019 17:41:21 GMT -5
I got my W's narrative of me and our past, it doesn't match what I was trying and attempting to accomplish. My W's narrative was way off from my reality. I did 20 things right but the 2 things I did wrong really put me in a hole that is difficult to dig out of. I wrote a story on this long ago... how the same action can be endearing or creepy, exciting or offensive, all depending on how the recipient chooses to receive it. I’ve gone another round of this myself recently, with W claiming the problem is that I need to start doing X, when I’d been doing precisely that for 2 years. Before that, I needed to stop doing Y - something I had consciously stopped doing 6 months prior.
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Post by Handy on Jun 28, 2019 18:51:55 GMT -5
Drycreek, my situation sounds similar. My W tells me I am angry and mean, yet I do several thing every day for her. I told her she rarely does anything for me so I just try to not ask for anything and go out on my own to provide what I need.
Today sucked but maybe that is what was needed.
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Post by lessingham on Jun 29, 2019 4:19:54 GMT -5
The bad day was not all my wife's fault. The hot weather has resulted in women wearing skimpy clothes and sexy summer dresses. Yes, I know they do it to keep cool and to entice the young, good lookin guys. But I am in a daze of delight and desire. Plus my wife sleeps naked due to the heat. Another come on that is not a come on. Lots of visual triggers and no chance of release equals bad days and cold showers.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 30, 2019 10:49:03 GMT -5
Lessingham said: “Plus my wife sleeps naked due to the heat. Another come on that is not a come on. Lots of visual triggers and no chance of release equals bad days and cold showers.”
Yet you choose to share a bed with your naked refuser.
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Post by saarinista on Jul 1, 2019 3:19:25 GMT -5
lessingham, is there a remote place to which you could repair for a respite from your wife's ongoing drama? Maybe zip code therapy would help you clear your head and deal more effectively with the realities of your situation.
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Post by noregretz on Jul 1, 2019 5:35:37 GMT -5
lessingham, is there a remote place to which you could repair for a respite from your wife's ongoing drama? Maybe zip code therapy would help you clear your head and deal more effectively with the realities of your situation. Zip code therapy? That's a new one to me and I thought I'd heard it all... I'd like to adopt that.... ZCT.... 😏
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Post by saarinista on Jul 1, 2019 12:17:50 GMT -5
lessingham, is there a remote place to which you could repair for a respite from your wife's ongoing drama? Maybe zip code therapy would help you clear your head and deal more effectively with the realities of your situation. Zip code therapy? That's a new one to me and I thought I'd heard it all... I'd like to adopt that.... ZCT.... 😏 My dear, you are living the ZCT life. 😉
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Post by flashjohn on Jul 1, 2019 17:39:23 GMT -5
The bad day was not all my wife's fault. The hot weather has resulted in women wearing skimpy clothes and sexy summer dresses. Yes, I know they do it to keep cool and to entice the young, good lookin guys. But I am in a daze of delight and desire. Plus my wife sleeps naked due to the heat. Another come on that is not a come on. Lots of visual triggers and no chance of release equals bad days and cold showers. There is no reason for this. I suggest you watch porn and masturbate right beside her. IF she has the nerve to object, tell her that you know that since her body is off limits, you should be able to enjoy your sexuality anyway.
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Post by Handy on Jul 1, 2019 18:09:28 GMT -5
ZCT? ZCT is a neutral CT which is based on zero sequence current detection. What happens during leakage, the current in the phases are not the same & hence the in? is not equal to zero. This difference of current flows into the neutral CT which trips the RCCB. I think this is about 3 phase electricity.
OH! ZCT=Zip code Therapy! Some days the light comes on a little slower than on one of my better days. Or maybe I make things more complicated than they were designed.
Edit to add:
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Hmmmmmm.
Jul 2, 2019 2:37:17 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by lessingham on Jul 2, 2019 2:37:17 GMT -5
The dog in the manger paradox. Sexless pertners still demanding rights over our sexuality. I do masturbate, secretly, and Kindle is a great porn source in bed.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 2, 2019 7:49:20 GMT -5
Lessingham, why do you choose to sleep with your naked refuser?
This is the kind of thing you need to explore in therapy, not your wife’s narratives about her life. Your actions contribute a great deal to your misery. If your individual therapist allows your to waste sessions by focusing on analyzing your wife, you need a therapist who will focus on what you can change: yourself.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 2, 2019 8:28:16 GMT -5
Furtive, secret masturbation in the toilet is how you have previously described getting off, lessingham: “My wife disapproves. The worst for me is watching porn on my phone in the toilet. I cannot have the sound on and the moment of pleasure has to be silent too. Pathetically sad.”
Why don’t you move out of your shared bedroom and sleep in a different room so at least you can jack off in more pleasant surroundings?
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Post by lessingham on Jul 3, 2019 2:58:07 GMT -5
It took me 20 years of therapy to get this far and it is still hard to make progress. We discussed lots of things and as the problems of my life were wound up eith the actions of women close to me, their motivations and reasons were bound to come up. I know you are being helpful but as Ingrid Bergman says in Spellbound, "try not to biff too hard."
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