Post by esmerelda on Jun 9, 2019 13:54:46 GMT -5
I feel so thankful for this forum. What has kept me in my SM has a lot to do with the fact that my H is so caring, so thoughtful, and affectionate. He tells me he loves me all the time. But that shit is confusing as hell when I want sex and he doesn't. I have told him again and again, the lack of sex in our relationship makes me feel unloved, and even if it is because he has "sexual hangups" the lack of action towards solving it makes me feel even more unloved. Because I have obviously not mattered enough to him to get help - until just recently - he has an appointment next week.
He has talked about performance anxiety, feeling repressed, feeling ashamed about his sexual "failures". He said he does want a healthy sex life with me, and that it is mostly shame that has held him back from solving things. My shame over being rejected has kept me from reaching out (until now).
But, I am tired of holding out hope. In reading these pages, and posts, I am increasingly aware that he may in fact, never change. That we may, in fact, be sexually incompatible. That he simply doesn't desire me. and that I could possibly find more happiness either alone or with someone else. I also know enough that he will never be the one to leave, because he's extremely passive. I will never get an honest admission from him in re: "I just don't want to have sex with you, I'm not sexually attracted to you." But the lack of that admission, doesn't mean I should stay.
I'm finally detaching myself emotionally, because I can't have an emotional connection with someone who ignores and neglects one of my basic needs; the reasons don't matter. This emotional detachment (not the lack of sex) is upsetting him, because at our best, we have had a very affectionate, strong, loving relationship, just minus the sex. I realize how large a part of myself I have had to ignore and how many beautiful vacations are spent with me having to repress my sexual desires. Life is fucking short. I am really wondering about leaving.