Post by larry101 on Jun 3, 2019 15:24:38 GMT -5
try to be concise, but its a 13yr story...
13 years ago our intimacy waned. At this point, reduction in sex wasnt a problem. Yet. leading up to this, for about 2 years, i was stuck in a deppressed rut and didnt provide the attention my wife was yearning. this seemed to awaken a visious cycle. i have no issues owning the mistakes ive made. intentional or not.
We decided to have kids. After the children, rejection of my sexual advances began. Fine, women can't compartmentalize. Infants and toddlers are hard work. She's never in mood and pregnancy has sent her hormones into chaos. OK, I love her and will show patience and understanding.
During toddler years, it became clear I was placed after our 2 kids on her priority list. My needs weren't being met. I was rejected multiple times per week resulting in sex once every 2mths. I learned, in hindsight, this rejection was affecting me negatively. At the time, I certainly felt less confident and frustrated, but didn't realize the rejection was primary root cause.
Skip ahead 2 years. Kids are 4. I read a lot of books about "the dance". It was like I finally understood not only my role in the downward spiral, but my wife's as well. Unfortunately, she refused to read any of the books. I put my newfound knowledge to use. One of those new tidbits is "you can't change her, only yourself". This helped the situation somewhat, but it was short lived due to the low lobito parter (her) not seeing a problem. She never changed as a result of my self improvement which isn't surprising since she was content with infrequent sex.
Fast forward 4 years...kids are 8. The frustration reached a boiling point. Sure, there were unproductive fights, calm discussions, etc over 4 years gone by. Any glimmers of hope quickly faded. During this time porn became my substitute. Unfortunately, and contrary to majority female opinion, "getting off" isn't all that's required to fulfill men. But it does make SM more tolerable.
I finally broke. I stopped initiating sex with her. The rejection had become such a source of frustration and emotional pain, I found myself happier with no sex. This continued for 5 years. During these 5 years, she never once initiated. She wasn't happy either and would occasionally drop comments like "your not attracted to me anymore", "are you cheating on me", etc. Interestingly, the tables had turned. I didn't withhold as some sorta passive aggressive play or anything, it was about my coping. Not about punishing her. I know damn well this is no solution, it's purely where my emotions drove me.
3 weeks ago I decided our sex life and overall marriage was either going to improve, or it might be time to break up the home.the kids have served as glue or I otherwise would have undoubtably thrown in the towel years ago.
2 weeks ago I began becoming affectionate again toward my wife. it was her birthday, and i made it extra special for her. After a few days of this, it was quite clear she wanted sex/intimacy bad. So I initiated, and we had extremely passionate, hot sex. Obviously, just like my every 2-3 day libito, her 2mnth lobito was overdue. For the next 2 weeks we felt like a couple again. Lots of hand holding, passionate kisses, laughing, etc. No longer were we roomies, we were lovers again! Right?
Last night was exactly 2 weeks since the passionate sex. After a couples get together at a friend's, the kids crashed hard and she seemed pretty awake still. I initiated, she sorta responded. I continued to court her and invited her to meet me in bedroom. she interupted my attempt to escort her down the hall and said "this show is over in 5mins. ill be right there." fair enough i thought. while waiting in bed, 45mins passed before she finally arrived. during this time all the negative feelings of rejection and axiety came rushing back. we ultimately had starfish sex that couldnt hold a candle to the intimacy we had 2 weeks prior. this very incident has, relectantly, pushed me further toward the door. hence i joined this forum to read about others experiences.
13 years ago our intimacy waned. At this point, reduction in sex wasnt a problem. Yet. leading up to this, for about 2 years, i was stuck in a deppressed rut and didnt provide the attention my wife was yearning. this seemed to awaken a visious cycle. i have no issues owning the mistakes ive made. intentional or not.
We decided to have kids. After the children, rejection of my sexual advances began. Fine, women can't compartmentalize. Infants and toddlers are hard work. She's never in mood and pregnancy has sent her hormones into chaos. OK, I love her and will show patience and understanding.
During toddler years, it became clear I was placed after our 2 kids on her priority list. My needs weren't being met. I was rejected multiple times per week resulting in sex once every 2mths. I learned, in hindsight, this rejection was affecting me negatively. At the time, I certainly felt less confident and frustrated, but didn't realize the rejection was primary root cause.
Skip ahead 2 years. Kids are 4. I read a lot of books about "the dance". It was like I finally understood not only my role in the downward spiral, but my wife's as well. Unfortunately, she refused to read any of the books. I put my newfound knowledge to use. One of those new tidbits is "you can't change her, only yourself". This helped the situation somewhat, but it was short lived due to the low lobito parter (her) not seeing a problem. She never changed as a result of my self improvement which isn't surprising since she was content with infrequent sex.
Fast forward 4 years...kids are 8. The frustration reached a boiling point. Sure, there were unproductive fights, calm discussions, etc over 4 years gone by. Any glimmers of hope quickly faded. During this time porn became my substitute. Unfortunately, and contrary to majority female opinion, "getting off" isn't all that's required to fulfill men. But it does make SM more tolerable.
I finally broke. I stopped initiating sex with her. The rejection had become such a source of frustration and emotional pain, I found myself happier with no sex. This continued for 5 years. During these 5 years, she never once initiated. She wasn't happy either and would occasionally drop comments like "your not attracted to me anymore", "are you cheating on me", etc. Interestingly, the tables had turned. I didn't withhold as some sorta passive aggressive play or anything, it was about my coping. Not about punishing her. I know damn well this is no solution, it's purely where my emotions drove me.
3 weeks ago I decided our sex life and overall marriage was either going to improve, or it might be time to break up the home.the kids have served as glue or I otherwise would have undoubtably thrown in the towel years ago.
2 weeks ago I began becoming affectionate again toward my wife. it was her birthday, and i made it extra special for her. After a few days of this, it was quite clear she wanted sex/intimacy bad. So I initiated, and we had extremely passionate, hot sex. Obviously, just like my every 2-3 day libito, her 2mnth lobito was overdue. For the next 2 weeks we felt like a couple again. Lots of hand holding, passionate kisses, laughing, etc. No longer were we roomies, we were lovers again! Right?
Last night was exactly 2 weeks since the passionate sex. After a couples get together at a friend's, the kids crashed hard and she seemed pretty awake still. I initiated, she sorta responded. I continued to court her and invited her to meet me in bedroom. she interupted my attempt to escort her down the hall and said "this show is over in 5mins. ill be right there." fair enough i thought. while waiting in bed, 45mins passed before she finally arrived. during this time all the negative feelings of rejection and axiety came rushing back. we ultimately had starfish sex that couldnt hold a candle to the intimacy we had 2 weeks prior. this very incident has, relectantly, pushed me further toward the door. hence i joined this forum to read about others experiences.