|
Post by shamwow on Jun 4, 2019 8:54:25 GMT -5
Good God I really cannot even believe such extreme selfishness. But then again I also cannot imagine getting gifted with kitchen orgasms so I guess we have reached the limits of my imagination. Sorry, friend. This is a shitty end to an otherwise delightfully sexy brussel sprout related tale. Well I'm flying out to San Diego Friday with my son to see ballofconfusion. With three of her kids at her place, my son will be chilling on an air mattress in the kitchen. He's 15 so that's no biggie for him. So no kitchen action this weekend. But I'm looking on the bright side. We only have 4 kids with us this weekend instead of the potential 6. If we had the full complement we would literally have them set up in the garage 𤣠But our evenings are free and we sure as hell make up for it when the "old people" need to go to bed early to "rest" đ
|
|
|
Post by deadzone75 on Jun 4, 2019 10:54:31 GMT -5
You've been a member here since January 2017 Brother deadzone75 and have contributed quite a few threads, and those threads have attracted quite a few comments. Plus, you've had 2.5 years worth of reading other peoples stories and the comments there-on as well. You're not a 'newbie', you know what's going on, you've seen all the options. In about April 2017 you seemed to be leaning toward the leaving option and there were a fair few responses offering suggestions in that regard, but you had financial issues that were going to take a couple of years to sort out. That's more or less now, June 2019. Is this posting just a vent mate ? Or is there something you are looking for some input on ? Just venting. I have accepted that I will likely never be in that "perfect" place financially and mentally to leave, especially since my finances are really no better, no worse. Plus I'm two years older now, and my age was a factor two years ago. I did have some really dark days in April of last year where we didn't speak for almost an entire month, and I was ready to get a U-Haul and just go back to Iowa with no real plan. There was a big, cathartic blowout and that didn't happen. I'd say that's as close as I have come, and I think I realize it will take something just snapping for me to leave. Careful, lengthy planning only serves to give me time to worry about the cons of taking that leap, worries I can't seem to overcome, things that seem even worse than no sex. Plus I still have the ridiculous desperate shred of hope that some miraculous intervention will turn her around and spark that sexual interest. I know better, though; I know the score, and I know you can't change a refuser.
|
|
|
Post by deadzone75 on Jun 4, 2019 11:26:37 GMT -5
deadzone75 I am sincerely sorry you experienced this selfishness. I am with sadkat , Iâve just nowhere to put this at all. For me the unexpected and playful approach you describe is what dreams are made of. If I am lucky enough to get a ânext timeâ I would feel very grateful to find a lover with this spontaneous and generous approach to sex. I do not understand your W at all. Intimacy revolves around enjoyment of both giving and receiving pleasure to maximise the fun. In summary- sheâs an idiot. I hope you experience better than this in the future, either inside or outside your marriage in whatever works for you. You clearly deserve it. Thank you for the kind words. They mean a lot. I am very thankful for this site, not just to have a place to vent, but to feel a little less crazy. Coming here is essential to reminding us that we are not alone, and that the refusers are the ones who are actually crazy.
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Jun 4, 2019 18:37:46 GMT -5
deadzone75 I am sincerely sorry you experienced this selfishness. I am with sadkat , Iâve just nowhere to put this at all. For me the unexpected and playful approach you describe is what dreams are made of. If I am lucky enough to get a ânext timeâ I would feel very grateful to find a lover with this spontaneous and generous approach to sex. I do not understand your W at all. Intimacy revolves around enjoyment of both giving and receiving pleasure to maximise the fun. In summary- sheâs an idiot. I hope you experience better than this in the future, either inside or outside your marriage in whatever works for you. You clearly deserve it. Thank you for the kind words. They mean a lot. I am very thankful for this site, not just to have a place to vent, but to feel a little less crazy. Coming here is essential to reminding us that we are not alone, and that the refusers are the ones who are actually crazy. Oh, you ain't alone, brother.
|
|
|
Post by workingonit on Jun 4, 2019 18:43:30 GMT -5
Good God I really cannot even believe such extreme selfishness. But then again I also cannot imagine getting gifted with kitchen orgasms so I guess we have reached the limits of my imagination. Sorry, friend. This is a shitty end to an otherwise delightfully sexy brussel sprout related tale. Well I'm flying out to San Diego Friday with my son to see ballofconfusion . With three of her kids at her place, my son will be chilling on an air mattress in the kitchen. He's 15 so that's no biggie for him. So no kitchen action this weekend. But I'm looking on the bright side. We only have 4 kids with us this weekend instead of the potential 6. If we had the full complement we would literally have them set up in the garage 𤣠But our evenings are free and we sure as hell make up for it when the "old people" need to go to bed early to "rest" đ Damn. It has been awhile since we got some details of a Shammy/BOC lovefest and I was hoping the brussel sprouts would inspire you. *sigh* I will just have to be patient to enjoy listening to stories about your kitchen play (and cheering you two on!).
|
|
|
Post by isthisit on Jun 4, 2019 19:18:31 GMT -5
deadzone75 I am sincerely sorry you experienced this selfishness. I am with sadkat , Iâve just nowhere to put this at all. For me the unexpected and playful approach you describe is what dreams are made of. If I am lucky enough to get a ânext timeâ I would feel very grateful to find a lover with this spontaneous and generous approach to sex. I do not understand your W at all. Intimacy revolves around enjoyment of both giving and receiving pleasure to maximise the fun. In summary- sheâs an idiot. I hope you experience better than this in the future, either inside or outside your marriage in whatever works for you. You clearly deserve it. Thank you for the kind words. They mean a lot. I am very thankful for this site, not just to have a place to vent, but to feel a little less crazy. Coming here is essential to reminding us that we are not alone, and that the refusers are the ones who are actually crazy. deadzone75 I am glad that my thoughts provided some comfort, but there is absolutely nothing crazy about wishing for physical and emotional intimacy with your spouse. Totally and completely healthy and normal. After all this is the element that separates a spousal relationship from any other, or is supposed to be. I remember all too well how soul destroying it was to be declined over and over again. The joy that can be achieved from the freedom to touch and kiss your spouse wherever you wish whenever you wish and know that this will be welcomed as an expression of your feelings for them is a priceless. I can only just remember this feeling from the early part of my M and I wish I had not deprived myself for such a huge chunk of my adult life. The funny thing is, now that I am separated and de facto celibate rather than nearly so it feels much better as this is my choice. Also this place leaves me one step closer to achieving the goal of imaginative, generous and playful love life I want and deserve. We all deserve. Itâs just finding the courage to take the leap isnât it?
|
|
|
Post by baza on Jun 4, 2019 19:56:24 GMT -5
You've been a member here since January 2017 Brother deadzone75 and have contributed quite a few threads, and those threads have attracted quite a few comments. Plus, you've had 2.5 years worth of reading other peoples stories and the comments there-on as well. You're not a 'newbie', you know what's going on, you've seen all the options. In about April 2017 you seemed to be leaning toward the leaving option and there were a fair few responses offering suggestions in that regard, but you had financial issues that were going to take a couple of years to sort out. That's more or less now, June 2019. Is this posting just a vent mate ? Or is there something you are looking for some input on ? Just venting. I have accepted that I will likely never be in that "perfect" place financially and mentally to leave, especially since my finances are really no better, no worse. Plus I'm two years older now, and my age was a factor two years ago. I did have some really dark days in April of last year where we didn't speak for almost an entire month, and I was ready to get a U-Haul and just go back to Iowa with no real plan. There was a big, cathartic blowout and that didn't happen. I'd say that's as close as I have come, and I think I realize it will take something just snapping for me to leave. Careful, lengthy planning only serves to give me time to worry about the cons of taking that leap, worries I can't seem to overcome, things that seem even worse than no sex. Plus I still have the ridiculous desperate shred of hope that some miraculous intervention will turn her around and spark that sexual interest. I know better, though; I know the score, and I know you can't change a refuser. Well, "getting a U-Haul and going back to Iowa" might not be the most detailed plan I've ever seen, it is a plan. A plan that could be fleshed out into something workable .... if that's what you want.
|
|
|
Post by flounder on Jun 4, 2019 21:38:43 GMT -5
Dead zone, did you ask her to reciprocate? You did get her off during a time in which it was unlikely she could reciprocate. Did you make a move on her later in bed and say something like, âmy turnâ? The next day I did mention that I didn't get my turn after the kitchen event. I got that nervous laugh while avoiding eye contact which signals "please let some kind of divine intervention change this subject". Her gestures and small mannerisms are more crippling than any direct verbal rejection these days. Sounds like my wife. She has a quick excuse to get out of it every time.
|
|
|
Post by flounder on Jun 4, 2019 21:40:28 GMT -5
Thank you for the kind words. They mean a lot. I am very thankful for this site, not just to have a place to vent, but to feel a little less crazy. Coming here is essential to reminding us that we are not alone, and that the refusers are the ones who are actually crazy. Oh, you ain't alone, brother. Not by any means.
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Jun 8, 2019 15:58:09 GMT -5
And then there are times when I knowingly step in front of the rejection train, its light blinding and its lunatic whistle screaming, yet I stand on the tracks. My wife got back from a vacation last week, and though I knew she was tired from travel and wouldn't entertain sex, I thought I would take a chance and do something unexpected. She was cooking supper and she's telling me about her trip... (Why do I always want to have sex with her more when she's away on a trip when I don't have sex when she's here, anyway?) I ask how long she has until her supper is ready and she says 3 minutes. I drop to my knees right there in the kitchen and hike one of her legs up over my shoulder (she's wearing a nighty). I'm going down on her in front of the stove as she's holding a spatula. She enjoys it and I continue until she gets off. Then I stand up and reach around her from behind and use my fingers to get her off again. She asks what about brussel sprouts is so exciting. I think to myself, no way I'm not getting some kind of reciprocation after that...maybe not that night, but at the very least the next day (after all, we are about due for the 2nd of our 3-romp allowance of the year). She doesn't return the favor in any form that night, nor the next day. No sex, no blowjob, no handjob, no flirting, no mention or indication that anything had ever happened in the kitchen. I wish I would have just stuck with my counter-refusal approach. At least then I could have kept my misguided sense that I was in some way getting even. I can't be the only one who knowingly steps on the tracks, then has the audacity to be shocked and hurt. I ran in front of that rejection train last summer just trying to cuddle with my wife one evening and I will never do it again. I'm desperately trying to get a exit plan together that will work, but like yourself I have serious financial problems that is causing a roadblock to my escape. In the meantime, I've detached emotionally and physically from my refuser. Something that she has just taken notice of the past several days. I don't care anymore. I just want out and to have a new life with hope of love, romance and sex, which I will NEVER have in this marriage. I won't stay any longer than I absolutely have to and am looking for a successful exit, no matter how long that might take. But I have to admit that after I was informed of my financial reality during a free attorney consult, my feelings were hit hard and I was depressed for several days. But I know I can't quit or I will NEVER have hope of having what I want, need and want to share with someone else. So I just keep putting one foot in front of the other every day. I re-read a lot of the positive support that I've received here and I've kept a journal of my journey since last summer to remind myself of what has happened so I have no false hopes and delay myself leaving any longer than I need to.
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Jun 8, 2019 16:04:56 GMT -5
My W woulda shut my dinner substitution attempt down immediately. My chances of acceptance only improves from 0% to 10% after 2 full days of wooing. I can certainly relate to lack of reciprocation. My last bj was 15 yrs ago My last one was over 31 years ago.
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Jun 8, 2019 16:07:28 GMT -5
Good God I really cannot even believe such extreme selfishness. But then again I also cannot imagine getting gifted with kitchen orgasms so I guess we have reached the limits of my imagination. Sorry, friend. This is a shitty end to an otherwise delightfully sexy brussel sprout related tale. Kitchen orgasms are on my sexual bucket list
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Jun 8, 2019 16:09:08 GMT -5
I never would have made it that far. If she was in the middle of doing something and I dropped to my knees next to her she wouldn't have cooperated or allowed me to pleasure her at all. Guaranteed that whatever she was doing would be higher on her priority list than receiving an orgasm. In addition to that, she avoids any extra orgasms because she has this idea in her head that it's only fair if it's 1:1 equal and me giving her one obligates her to give me one (a task she'd rather avoid). I haven't tasted her in several years. The only time she allows me to pleasure her is immediately before sex. I have to give her one by hand or with a vibe before and then she won't let me bring her to orgasm again during intercourse. My refuser exactly!
|
|