After wrestling hard with the stay or go dikemma, life took a hand and helped me decide to stay. The old problems remain and I am still as frustrated as a horny teen. But I can deal with that in this new frame, the widow thumb and her four daughters maybe, Fwb,(laughing). It is going to be an interesting few months.
There's several things that bring about ILIASM deals. #1 - is your own choices dumping you in the shit. #2 - is someone else's choice that - as collateral damage - dumps you in the shit. #3 - random events handed out by the cosmos that dump you in the shit.
That you have chosen to stay in your deal for a number of years is a #1. That your missus behaviours have disenfranchised you is a #2. That your missus now has a serious medical issue is a #3.
But irrespective of "how" you ended up in the shit, it is going to be you, and only you, who digs you out.
And at times "timing" is in your favour, and sometimes it ain't. Clearly here as events have unfolded, "timing" is not in your favour.
If your missus' condition is as serious as it seems, your focus is obviously going to be on that.
northstarmom has cautioned about this scenario any # of times. The HL spouse hangs on for any # of reasons and then fate intervenes and makes leaving much more difficult. If you are a newbie here and especially if your SM has dragged on for decades and you are getting somewhat long in the tooth, you should keep in the back of your mind the distinct possibility that an illness could strike your LL spouse, virtually trapping you in the marriage, perhaps until their death. I am saddened to read that lessingham, being a man with some integrity, finds himself in that situation. I hope the illness or condition of your ailing spouse in not life threating or of extended duration, and that she recovers her health in due time.
Post by northstarmom on Jun 1, 2019 8:02:24 GMT -5
What worksforme2 said.
In addition, keep in mind that something could happen to you and make you I physically dependent upon your refuser. That possibility also was a reason I chose divorce. I knew my now ex was a man who closes his eyes to serious problems. He is not a person I could express my concerns to if I were diagnosed with a serious illness. Instead, he’d constantly natter about sports, a subject I have no interest in. If I became incapable of speech but wanted my directive followed to stop extraordinary medical means, he would not do that because he’d think I wasn’t that bad off. My younger son and a couple of close friends are whom I’d trust with such decisions but not my ex.
Anyone who is hanging on to a miserable marriage for fear of dying alone also needs to realize that being married doesn’t guarantee someone will be with you at the end. Even if your spouse is healthier and younger than you, they still could precede you in death.
I do not fear to live alone, nor die alone. I get on with and love my wife outside of the sexless hell. I try to dislike what she does, rather than herself. I am helping her but I can also change myself in preparation. I aim to lose 10 pounds. I will go to night school. (laughing) I might even discover to secret of being sociable!
One of the fun things of staying is finding reasons. Ok, sex is now off the agenda and so is bitching about it. So, what is good about the rest? My wife is funny, intelligent and great company for starters. That is worth exploring
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
tamara68: Today it's steak and blowjob day! I suppose the steak is for those who don't get a blowjob.
Mar 14, 2019 16:49:49 GMT -5
petrushka: tamara68 Laughing with tears in my eyes. And my steak is going to be semolina gruel, due to some tummy upset :-\
Mar 15, 2019 1:11:10 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: So sad to hear the news from New Zealand. Boston Strong supports Kiwi Strong!!
Mar 15, 2019 7:46:22 GMT -5
petrushka: I was gobsmacked when I heard. This is just not us. In all of 2017 we had 37 murders in the country ..... I think the echo chambers of "social media" have a lot to answer for.
Mar 15, 2019 18:45:45 GMT -5
baza: Feeling for our Brothers and Sisters across the ditch Brother petrushka .
Mar 15, 2019 19:27:50 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: petrushka, I thought I read the headline wrong (this stuff happens here, not in NZ). It is frightening the hate that is being spread; it makes my heart hurt.
Mar 15, 2019 20:46:54 GMT -5
saarinista: All of us, IMHO, should try to be civil and kind as much as possible in person and online. I actively Tweet (civilly) on political matters and am horrified by the rancor & trolling on both sides of the spectrum, which only inflames unstable people.
Mar 19, 2019 23:21:20 GMT -5
saarinista: is anyone else watching March Madness?
Mar 24, 2019 11:44:48 GMT -5
worksforme2: doesn't much look like it...
Mar 27, 2019 12:20:10 GMT -5
saarinista: Well, my team is going to the Final Four! I am beyond thrilled. Basketball is life.
Apr 1, 2019 0:47:14 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Congrats! Yay! I don't know how many people see the shout box, I don't think it shows up not he mobile version of the site. Maybe post something in the Off Topic section and more folks may see it?
Apr 1, 2019 15:38:34 GMT -5
wewbwb: Or, maybe baseball season started . . .
Apr 2, 2019 5:27:34 GMT -5
flashjohn: saarinista, my alma mater, Texas Tech, is also in the final four.
Apr 3, 2019 14:59:01 GMT -5
saarinista: : flashjohn Ruh, roh. Then we have to be mortal enemies for the weekend because I went to MSU!
Apr 4, 2019 16:09:20 GMT -5
worksforme2: The add attachment says a max of 1mb...I see plenty of videos that are way longer than that...how do I do that? My video is 4.97 mbs
Apr 25, 2019 20:10:25 GMT -5
h: The videos posted aren't attached. They are links to videos outside the site.
Apr 26, 2019 14:09:04 GMT -5
sexlessinga: Hi guys just joined
May 10, 2019 20:49:28 GMT -5
worksforme2: @mslowmaintenance….long time no see, welcome back...
May 29, 2019 9:30:25 GMT -5
noregretz: You can never outrun a Grizzly bear, but that's ok. You only have to outrun the person you're with....
Jun 15, 2019 12:28:09 GMT -5
solodriver: or in this case your refuser.
Jun 16, 2019 19:21:47 GMT -5