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Post by Deleted on May 21, 2019 11:25:20 GMT -5
File this under the heading of "staying in sexless marriage venting".
My wife and I have been separated quite a bit due to relocation. She's staying with our house being sold in the upper midwest, I'm at my new job in the southwest and started building our home. Last weekend I traveled back for our son's College graduation and W and I hadn't seen each other in person for almost a month. I didn't expect any big greeting, kiss, tight hug, any sign of affection, etc and my expectations were met. Slept in separate bedrooms as usual.
As I was leaving after a few days, she initiated a kiss. This is waaay out of character. I returned it (the usual peck or pretty-much a peck) and then she said, "I know we're too old for 'this stuff"". I said, "Like a kiss goodbye?", Her, "Yes, that stuff's for kids. See ya."
It's not a surprise but it is still somewhat eye opening to me that she considers an almost platonic kiss a big deal. Sigh. Too old. We're 52.
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Post by h on May 21, 2019 14:26:00 GMT -5
☹️
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Post by flashjohn on May 21, 2019 16:03:06 GMT -5
File this under the heading of "staying in sexless marriage venting".
My wife and I have been separated quite a bit due to relocation. She's staying with our house being sold in the upper midwest, I'm at my new job in the southwest and started building our home. Last weekend I traveled back for our son's College graduation and W and I hadn't seen each other in person for almost a month. I didn't expect any big greeting, kiss, tight hug, any sign of affection, etc and my expectations were met. Slept in separate bedrooms as usual.
As I was leaving after a few days, she initiated a kiss. This is waaay out of character. I returned it (the usual peck or pretty-much a peck) and then she said, "I know we're too old for 'this stuff"". I said, "Like a kiss goodbye?", Her, "Yes, that stuff's for kids. See ya."
It's not a surprise but it is still somewhat eye opening to me that she considers an almost platonic kiss a big deal. Sigh. Too old. We're 52.
I am very sorry my friend. I am 54 and my wife and I fuck twice a day unless one of us is sick.
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Post by saarinista on May 21, 2019 16:14:04 GMT -5
Yeah, yeah flashjohn. Rub it in. 😢🙄 Just kidding with you. Hey, you've earned your bliss the hard way. Not that anyone should have to earn their bliss, but you know what I mean. I'm just glad things are working out for you and others. Gives me a bit of hope.
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Post by saarinista on May 21, 2019 16:19:10 GMT -5
File this under the heading of "staying in sexless marriage venting".
My wife and I have been separated quite a bit due to relocation.
It's not a surprise but it is still somewhat eye opening to me that she considers an almost platonic kiss a big deal. Sigh. Too old. We're 52.
As for you, @tooyoungtobeold2.. I'm 58. I hope you're being sarcastic sardonic or facetious there about 52 being too old. In my view, if you love someone, you ought to want to have sex until you're physically unable. I'm sure that doesn't apply to you. It definitely doesn't apply to me.
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Post by flashjohn on May 21, 2019 16:24:00 GMT -5
Yeah, yeah flashjohn . Rub it in. 😢🙄 Just kidding with you. Hey, you've earned your bliss the hard way. Not that anyone should have to earn their bliss, but you know what I mean. I'm just glad things are working out for you and others. Gives me a bit of hope. Thank you very much. I still kind of cringe when I look at our pictures. I look every bit my age, but at 46, Kim looks about 30.
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Post by Deleted on May 21, 2019 17:41:41 GMT -5
File this under the heading of "staying in sexless marriage venting".
My wife and I have been separated quite a bit due to relocation. She's staying with our house being sold in the upper midwest, I'm at my new job in the southwest and started building our home. Last weekend I traveled back for our son's College graduation and W and I hadn't seen each other in person for almost a month. I didn't expect any big greeting, kiss, tight hug, any sign of affection, etc and my expectations were met. Slept in separate bedrooms as usual.
As I was leaving after a few days, she initiated a kiss. This is waaay out of character. I returned it (the usual peck or pretty-much a peck) and then she said, "I know we're too old for 'this stuff"". I said, "Like a kiss goodbye?", Her, "Yes, that stuff's for kids. See ya."
It's not a surprise but it is still somewhat eye opening to me that she considers an almost platonic kiss a big deal. Sigh. Too old. We're 52.
I am very sorry my friend. I am 54 and my wife and I fuck twice a day unless one of us is sick. Sexual desire is definitely on a spectrum, not sure if I would want twice a day anymore : )
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Post by Deleted on May 21, 2019 17:45:51 GMT -5
File this under the heading of "staying in sexless marriage venting".
My wife and I have been separated quite a bit due to relocation.
It's not a surprise but it is still somewhat eye opening to me that she considers an almost platonic kiss a big deal. Sigh. Too old. We're 52.
As for you, @tooyoungtobeold2 .. I'm 58. I hope you're being sarcastic sardonic or facetious there about 52 being too old. In my view, if you love someone, you ought to want to have sex until you're physically unable. I'm sure that doesn't apply to you. It definitely doesn't apply to me. I don't think I'm too old at all, my surprise/sadness comes from my W's "yet another excuse" of being too old. If you're as old as you feel, I feel 26. A slightly greyer, slightly less hard-bodied 26 but 26 nonetheless : )
I'm in agreement with you. My tooyoungtobeold originally came from a few years ago when menopause hit for my W and what was a relatively sexless marriage (once a month less) went to zero to twice per year. It never occurred to me that I would be relegated to forced celibacy when I was 49. I suggested a doctor's visit but...well, we all know the story.
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Post by worksforme2 on May 22, 2019 10:09:59 GMT -5
We're "too old for that sort of thing" is a pretty common excuse once a refuser has attained a post mid life period in life. I heard it to as my X completed menopause and her libido vanished. Of coarse I didn't feel to old and neither did my penis. It was prepared to argue the other side, that the timing was perfect for some "nukkie time". Enforced celibacy comes as a shock to most of us. For many the shock gives way to acceptance for a myriad of perfectly valid reasons. For the rest of us it results in a refusal to accept someone else's unilateral decision about our sexuality with divorce usually following some time later. But if one is still in a SM one can expect to hear this excuse sooner or later if the marriage lasts long enough.
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Post by baza on May 22, 2019 21:14:59 GMT -5
If you don't want to do something - (say have sex with your spouse) - then you come up with an explanation.
It may be a completely valid explanation - eg "you are the worst root I ever had and I never want to root you again" It might be just the first thing that came into your head - eg "we're too old for this" It might be just complete bullshit - eg "it's too cold/hot", whatever
Thing is, whether it is honest or is bullshit or is something in between, the aim (to not have sex with your spouse) is achieved.
So any excuse/reason/justification is pretty much as good as another.
Now in Brother @tooyoungtobeold2 's example, the explanation - "we're too old for this" - reeks of bullshit, and you could, if you want, debunk that explanation and make the case that one is never too old to have a root. And you may make a highly compelling case, well reasoned, well researched and well argued.
But - that is NOT going to get you a root if your spouse doesn't want to.
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Post by kenyaone on May 23, 2019 3:00:11 GMT -5
Culture and way people are nurtured have placed a sealing on age limit to active sexual life. In some cultures once a woman has reached menopause or is a grand mom is not expected to be engaging in sex anymore. Thanks , that liberal thinking, dissertation of information and deviation from cultural norms that have restricted people to express their sexuality freely is taking precendence.
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Post by ironhamster on May 23, 2019 4:30:23 GMT -5
Maybe you can point out that if she is too old, then she should have no problem with you finding a friend that can.
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2019 12:30:04 GMT -5
Maybe you can point out that if she is too old, then she should have no problem with you finding a friend that can. To baza's point. There's no reason to point out anything. It's not that if I say, "Here is a copy of an article on sex over the age of 50 and clearly you can see that XX% of the population remains.....blahblah"
It doesn't matter. Before menopause it was other stuff, all of the "whys" that I chased for decades. She is just LL and that's that. Once she had a really good out (menopause) then it was just a done deal. I'm not trying to fix anything, not looking for a sex partner. I come here because it's part of my own coping but I cope pretty well these days mostly because I have learned a lot from all of you. I may pull the plug on the marriage at some point in the future but I'm stable for now. I'm also in the camp that I'm not particularly desirable to the opposite sex. I never "had game" when I was 30, fit and nicer looking. It's not like there are going to be women lined up for the 50+ version of me. I'm not despondent or negative or whatever, just mature and realistic.
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Post by ironhamster on May 23, 2019 13:41:13 GMT -5
Maybe you can point out that if she is too old, then she should have no problem with you finding a friend that can. To baza's point. There's no reason to point out anything. It's not that if I say, "Here is a copy of an article on sex over the age of 50 and clearly you can see that XX% of the population remains.....blahblah"
It doesn't matter. Before menopause it was other stuff, all of the "whys" that I chased for decades. She is just LL and that's that. Once she had a really good out (menopause) then it was just a done deal. I'm not trying to fix anything, not looking for a sex partner. I come here because it's part of my own coping but I cope pretty well these days mostly because I have learned a lot from all of you. I may pull the plug on the marriage at some point in the future but I'm stable for now. I'm also in the camp that I'm not particularly desirable to the opposite sex. I never "had game" when I was 30, fit and nicer looking. It's not like there are going to be women lined up for the 50+ version of me. I'm not despondent or negative or whatever, just mature and realistic.
I totally understand being on the receiving end of the litany of excuses. I totally get not being everyone's cup of tea. What I don't want to accept is defeat. When I was in college one of the big interview questions was where we saw ourselves in five years. The follow up was what concrete steps were we taking to get there. You don't have to accept your beaten down ILIASM future. You can start making changes. I did. It was a huge confidence builder, too.
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Post by northstarmom on May 23, 2019 13:46:40 GMT -5
Too young... said: “ I never "had game" when I was 30, fit and nicer looking. It's not like there are going to be women lined up for the 50+ version of me.”
Mature women of any age aren’t looking for “game.” This espevially is true of middle aged and older women. They want a man who is caring, empathic, and not a financial drain on them. Women who want sex want a man who is sexually capable and compatible with them.
One of my best friends — who was very pretty on high school and now, in her 60s, is still pretty had a 6 year affair with a married man who weighed 300 pounds.
I wonder if you view yourself as completely undesirable because you are seeking an excuse not to try to have sex with someone other than your wife. I have seen too many homely and even deformed people find live and romance to think it’s impossible for you. And if you really feel that unappealing and wanted a different partner you could choose to do things that would make you more appealing.
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