“If I had family members, for example, who could assist with a move or let me stay with them temporarily, moving would be easier. But I don't. Also, I need to find a job first. ”
Have you talked to a lawyer to see what your rights would be in a divorce? If you haven’t done that then your concerns about needing a job, having to move, etc. are just assumptions.
Nope, I haven't. but I'm definitely moving that way, ie, talking with a lawyer.
I realize it may sound like I'm procrastinating, but I'm not. I've just had a lot of crap to handle over the last 10 years. Depressing crap that is demotivating and exhausting. One thing leads to another, and it's really hard to pull out of these spirals, as I'm sure you know. Thank heaven for this forum. 💗
Please forgive any typos or poor sentence structure. As I often say, you can have it perfect or you can have it now. Here, I choose now.
I have read examples of women not working and being in a newish relationship. I have read more stories of women working part-time say at Walmart or McDonald's and being in a newish relationship. Both of these types of situations assumes the woman does most of the basic domestic work.
I suppose the reverse gender thing (man not working or not having a substantial income) might be possible but it doesn't seem to start out that way. I have read stories where the man has a job but something happens to the job and he never goes back to work, but those relationships are very troubled.
For most men, no financial contribution equals (from him) equals no romance for the man. For women I think the money/income is less important. Maybe I am too old school, where the man works and the woman takes care of things at home.
saarinista , I understand the "lot of crap to handle" and it being on the depressing side. BTDT myself.
Post by northstarmom on Jul 13, 2019 15:45:49 GMT -5
Saarinista said: “I realize it may sound like I'm procrastinating, but I'm not. I've just had a lot of crap to handle over the last 10 years. Depressing crap that is demotivating and exhausting. One thing leads to another, and it's really hard to pull out of these spirals, as I'm sure you know. Thank heaven for this forum. 💗”
I do empathize. When I filed, my oldest son was in rehab after being homeless, Baker Acted and then arrested. I didn’t discover this forum til a week after my divorce was final. Most of the wisdom that’s here I had to learn on my own. This included my rights in a community property state and in a longterm marriage. I only found out initial lawyer consultations are often free when I got the courage to see a lawyer and wasn’t charged.
If you keep delaying, you may end up in a situation in which it either would be much harder to leave (lessingham’s being stuck with a seriously ill wife is one example) or you may end up being divorced with nothing after your spouse hides money or otherwise pulls a fast one.
“That line of reasoning also assumes that once out off the sexless marriage, sex will follow..”
No it doesn’t. It assumes that if sex is a big priority, one would rather be sexless and unmarried than be married to a person who refuses to have sexually with you. If sex is sa big priority, one wouldn’t do what many here do, not only choose to remain in a sexless marriage but also share s bed with one’s refuser.
Divorce, moving away from one’s refuser are time limited hassles. Living with one’s refuser is daily pain if one values sex in an intimate relationship and if one isn’t choosing to outsource.
Ya. I found it to be an enormous burden lifted to sleep in a separate bed, to start. I was picking a lane. Sleeping in a different bed - and intending to do that from the outset, rather than running off in a huff of frustration - was really helpful in at least NOT continuing to put myself into a situation of unrequited desire and all of the emotional burden I associated with that. It felt like I was approaching a kind of truth about my relationship then.
It's a very different thing to be celibate on one's own, as a single person, than to be reminded on a daily basis that your partner doesn't see you has fit for a root.
If you don’t have the marriage you want then consider not giving her the marriage she wants. Think about the things that you do to make her life easier and stop doing it. Years ago I remember telling Mr Bballgirl that since he doesn’t have sex with me then I will not do his laundry. I still don’t and it’s decades later. However I got to the point in 2014 I never wanted sex with him again and found a lover. If she’s not interested in your sexuality then your sexuality is none of her business.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
saarinista: is anyone else watching March Madness?
Mar 24, 2019 11:44:48 GMT -5
worksforme2: doesn't much look like it...
Mar 27, 2019 12:20:10 GMT -5
saarinista: Well, my team is going to the Final Four! I am beyond thrilled. Basketball is life.
Apr 1, 2019 0:47:14 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Congrats! Yay! I don't know how many people see the shout box, I don't think it shows up not he mobile version of the site. Maybe post something in the Off Topic section and more folks may see it?
Apr 1, 2019 15:38:34 GMT -5
wewbwb: Or, maybe baseball season started . . .
Apr 2, 2019 5:27:34 GMT -5
flashjohn: saarinista, my alma mater, Texas Tech, is also in the final four.
Apr 3, 2019 14:59:01 GMT -5
saarinista: : flashjohn Ruh, roh. Then we have to be mortal enemies for the weekend because I went to MSU!
Apr 4, 2019 16:09:20 GMT -5
worksforme2: The add attachment says a max of 1mb...I see plenty of videos that are way longer than that...how do I do that? My video is 4.97 mbs
Apr 25, 2019 20:10:25 GMT -5
h: The videos posted aren't attached. They are links to videos outside the site.
Apr 26, 2019 14:09:04 GMT -5
sexlessinga: Hi guys just joined
May 10, 2019 20:49:28 GMT -5
worksforme2: @mslowmaintenance….long time no see, welcome back...
May 29, 2019 9:30:25 GMT -5
noregretz: You can never outrun a Grizzly bear, but that's ok. You only have to outrun the person you're with....
Jun 15, 2019 12:28:09 GMT -5
solodriver: or in this case your refuser.
Jun 16, 2019 19:21:47 GMT -5