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Post by cassiopeia92 on May 18, 2019 2:11:48 GMT -5
How many of you get this from your spouse on an ongoing basis?
Some stand outs for me include:
I am so sick of seeing you in those leggings why cant you wear jeans.
I hate jeans unless they are with high heels, why cant you wear heels more often.
You are such a negative ninny you drive me crazy.
I dont kiss you because I hate the way you kiss.
On the former I wear them because they are comfortable at my weight.
He bought me jeggings not jeans, I dont see a difference really. Always wear nice tops anyway.
The negative ninny hurt, so I am working on being a positive person.
On the kissing I asked him to teach me how, almost 18 years later he still hasnt.
And I have decided not to take his snipes anymore. Building up a few things to say. If you have suggestions or some things that worked let me know.
Taking back my power.
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Post by baza on May 18, 2019 3:07:02 GMT -5
What tends to happen in ILIASM deals is that you start taking less and less notice of the idiocy your spouse comes up with as regards your "short comings" and their assorted excuses for their own behaviour. At the same time you start taking more and more notice of your own gut feelings and start concentrating on your own longer term best interests. Your refuser spouse eventually behaves themselves into a position of irrelevancy. I'd counsel you not to get drawn into a war of sniping. That would be giving him relevancy that he doesn't warrant. You've got your own agenda to run Sister cassiopeia92 . And he's not relevant to it.
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Post by isthisit on May 18, 2019 3:14:31 GMT -5
Your refuser spouse eventually behaves themselves into a position of irrelevancy. Genius. Sums up the demise of my marriage in 11 words.
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Criticism
May 18, 2019 4:13:59 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by cassiopeia92 on May 18, 2019 4:13:59 GMT -5
Brilliant baza I shall hold my head up high and ignore with elan.
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Post by worksforme2 on May 18, 2019 8:06:55 GMT -5
Except for her being critical of how "needy" I was when it came to intimacy my X wasn't overly critical. Now that she rarely visits my home she doesn't have much to criticize about me. Although when I mentioned cleaning the front porch she was quick to pop off that it needed it. Duh !!!.. That's why I cleaned it. Now I need to clean all the little oak strings from the roof valleys. I have to congratulate you on how quickly you have picked up the mantle of self awareness and pre-positioning yourself for a potential escape in the future.
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Criticism
May 18, 2019 8:14:28 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by northstarmom on May 18, 2019 8:14:28 GMT -5
“And I have decided not to take his snipes anymore. Building up a few things to say. If you have suggestions or some things that worked let me know.”
What works is detaching from people who snipe at you.
Walk away. Leave the scene and do something that makes you happy. Talk a walk in a pretty place. Call, text or visit someone who boosts your spirits. Shore up your support system including here.
Your spouse is deliberately trying to erode your confidence so you lack the strength to leave him. From how you describe your relationship, his actions indicate that he doesn’t care about your welfare but probably wants you around for financial reasons and to save him from medical emergencies. He has more to lose if you leave than you have to lose if you leave. Stay with him and you’ll continue being miserable and also will be stuck as his caregiver.
You don’t have to follow his agenda. You can continue and strengthen your efforts to create the life you want. This includes dressing and acting in ways that make you happy. It means ending bending over backward to try to please your selfish, verbally abusive husband.
In your early posts here you said that companionship was a reason you stay in your sm. Seems you now are recognizing that the companionship he is providing is toxic.
P.S. My my ex didn’t snipe at me. He didn’t connect emotionsllynor sexually. However, when I decided to divorce, I still felt like a burden was lifted off my shoulders.
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Post by csl on May 19, 2019 15:48:53 GMT -5
And I have decided not to take his snipes anymore. Building up a few things to say. If you have suggestions or some things that worked let me know. You live in the UK, and to my mind, they have the ultimate put-down, suitable for all occasions: “You’re naught but a daft prick.” Right amount of scorn without the bile.
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Post by flashjohn on May 21, 2019 16:30:43 GMT -5
How many of you get this from your spouse on an ongoing basis? Some stand outs for me include: I am so sick of seeing you in those leggings why cant you wear jeans. I hate jeans unless they are with high heels, why cant you wear heels more often. You are such a negative ninny you drive me crazy. I dont kiss you because I hate the way you kiss. On the former I wear them because they are comfortable at my weight. He bought me jeggings not jeans, I dont see a difference really. Always wear nice tops anyway. The negative ninny hurt, so I am working on being a positive person. On the kissing I asked him to teach me how, almost 18 years later he still hasnt. And I have decided not to take his snipes anymore. Building up a few things to say. If you have suggestions or some things that worked let me know. Taking back my power. Yes, I got constant criticism on a regular basis. I was constantly told that I should color my hair to cover the gray. Now I have found that MANY WOMEN really like my gray hair.
I am NOT suggesting you say this, but I would be tempted to say, "Wow, if I gave a shit about what you thought, that would bother me."
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firefollower
Full Member
Only you can prevent forest fires
Posts: 154
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by firefollower on May 21, 2019 16:41:26 GMT -5
How many of you get this from your spouse on an ongoing basis? Some stand outs for me include: I am so sick of seeing you in those leggings why cant you wear jeans. I hate jeans unless they are with high heels, why cant you wear heels more often. You are such a negative ninny you drive me crazy. I dont kiss you because I hate the way you kiss. On the former I wear them because they are comfortable at my weight. He bought me jeggings not jeans, I dont see a difference really. Always wear nice tops anyway. The negative ninny hurt, so I am working on being a positive person. On the kissing I asked him to teach me how, almost 18 years later he still hasnt. And I have decided not to take his snipes anymore. Building up a few things to say. If you have suggestions or some things that worked let me know. Taking back my power. Yes, I got constant criticism on a regular basis. I was constantly told that I should color my hair to cover the gray. Now I have found that MANY WOMEN really like my gray hair.
I am NOT suggesting you say this, but I would be tempted to say, "Wow, if I gave a shit about what you thought, that would bother me."
I get this as well...still have my hair but it has definitely started to gray...W wanted me to color it...I looked into it...nah, I am good. Even if my hair wasn't gray, she would find another reason not to F me.
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Post by saarinista on May 21, 2019 19:37:43 GMT -5
I like gray hair on men.
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Post by sadkat on May 21, 2019 19:44:32 GMT -5
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Post by northstarmom on May 21, 2019 20:23:10 GMT -5
saarinista said:"I like gray hair on men." So do I. Post SM lover is a silver fox.
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