Has anyone here done yoga? There’s a yoga studio a couple blocks from my house and I’m starting classes there tomorrow. I’m really looking forward to it and hope it helps with my journey in healing. I feel like I’ve been doing okay. Good job, nice place to live. No car yet but I’m working on it. Sometimes I hit a brick wall and feel like my world is collapsing, but the recovery time from that is getting shorter. I’m a little over a month out and I keep a notebook on my coffee table to jot down notes when I feel like I was impulsive about leaving. Things like how my ex use to immediately go brush his teeth and use mouthwash anytime we kissed for longer than a second, but would use a plate that a cat had been sleeping on for his dinner without washing it first. The yoga studio also offers meditation classes and I’m going to participate in those as well. I’m trying to practice mindfulness and I think that will help.
Yes, I started yoga about a year ago and am now hooked and go three time per week. My class includes meditation which is just great also. I have found these classes super helpful post exiting my deal as it is an investment of time and energy just for myself which is a rarity in my busy life at the moment. I have also made some new friends which are much needed right now as they do not know by back story and accept me as a singleton. The absence of ‘you and H? Really I didn’t see that coming, what happened?’ is a relief. Also, yoga has benefitted my posture, energy levels, and overall calmness and I can’t get enough of it. And of course.... man, the flexibility is to die for 😉.
I have been in a senior yoga class for 3 years. I started going because I have a friend that had some back problems and he used to go to a chiropractor, but the yoga classes did more good than the chiropractor visits. With my back problem history, I decided I needed to follow my friends examples so I could avoid some regularly occurring back problems. So far it is working for me.
What I have found is the instructor is very important. I say this not because some do the job poorly. It is more like the instructor and you seem to be in mental synchronization of what works for you. Our regular instructor is perfect for what I consider my physical abilities and she has very good intuition skills and some how mentally connects with our older age group ideas of self car.
We have a few more expert yoga leaders but the personal connections were missing a little bit. I don't want to say any alternative instructor was lacking in any way but the "one on one" personal connection wasn't the same. The alternative instructors did introduce some new ways to do what we were doing in the past, so that was good.
I have to admit, I don't make the connections to the meditation parts, other than try to not take some things so serious and that where ever a person is in life, to be gentle with our inner person while moving forward. This applies to how we inter act with other reasonable people.
If you take the path of not competing with anyone else in the class, do the moves to a reasonable effort on your part and leave judgements or should's out of the class and your life, I think you will benefit from yoga. Our instructor has to remind me to be good to myself and this isn't like what happened on my jobs, where most things I did were valuated several times a year and where I had to come up with how I could improve. If I didn't improve I was given a warning that my job might be in jeopardy.
I am saying this because so many people in sexless marriages have struggled with being treated with respect and being valued. Yoga has helped me a little to value what I do well, ignore some limitations I don't have much control over and helps me think how worthwhile I really am to myself and to most other people in my life, contrary to what a spouse thinks or how they acted towards us.
Not all instructors are going to help with the self worth part on a personal level but feeling stronger physically usually helps a great deal with valuing yourself and feeling better about your future.
In my group there are 4 men and about 8 women that regulatory attend the class. We are all retired. I will say everyone is friendly but I don't see any people doing any after class activities so I found that a little disappointing. About 4 times a year I have coffee after class with another couple but I do other things with this couple at least once a month not connected with yoga.
The yoga class is held at a gym and I don't see anyone going to coffee or lunch. Most people just do their own thing while listening to something on their cell phone / music player.
I am not saying you can't make friends outside of the yoga class or gym, it is that I don't see it happening.
Post by northstarmom on May 18, 2019 0:33:02 GMT -5
I do yoga and meditation and love both practices. I started about 12 years ago, some 6 years before I decided to leave my SM. Both experiences were very helpful in my healing and getting the confidence to leave my marriage.
Like handy, I didn’t find that people went to coffee or chatted after yoga classes unless they had come with friends.. But I did make friends and deepen my practice by going to yoga retreats. I found that people were more likely to chat after meditation than yoga and after bonding at meditation and yoga retreats. I also found that lots of the same people go to yoga, meditation and similar practices and I did develop some good friendships after repeatedly running into the same people.
One tip about meditation. It’s normal for your mind to wander, even wander multiple times a minute. Just bring it gently back to meditation. That gentleness to yourself and awareness of the present moment is where healing hsppens.
Post by northstarmom on May 20, 2019 12:27:21 GMT -5
There was a nice guy my age who. I would chat with in yoga class and in a local meditation group (often one runs into the same people at yoga whom one sees at health food stores, meditation centers and even art galleries). I’d known him casually for years when I decided to divorce. I also decided to take stained glass classes and when I told him that, he offered to teach me some things at his home studio. It was a great offer as he is an award winning artist. I suspected he was romantically interested in me but was waiting for my divorce to be final before asking me out.
Busy with other activities, I never found the time to follow up on visiting his studio. And he never made a clear move. Meanwhile, my now partner of 6 years was making moves and by the time I divorced, we were in a relationship. My artist friend learned that when we ran into him at a gallery showing his works.
Moral: yes, one can meet potential partners at yoga classes but don’t take forever to make your move.
I like yoga even though I don’t do it. I’d say yes - when you try it out you may find it beneficial. I’m glad that you got out.
For me, it’s been ten months but the hurt is deep and it’s incremental w a lot of pain.
Best of luck with all the positive choices like yoga
Hi @ warmways- I’m curious about your comment about the hurt being deep and incremental with a lot of pain. Are you able to explain that in more detail? Are you still hurting over the split from h or is something else going on?
I’m going through a lot of sadness. Not really sure what it’s all about.
Part of me feels guilty I left him even though it was unhealthy but my ex had been diagnosed with MD about a year prior to my exit and even though I know I didn’t cause it I still feel bad that he has that. I want to shake off the guilt.
I just have a lot of sadness and doubt about myself but I see my therapist next week and am not giving up on hope and a chance that I can get happier.
I think I’m still hurting from the split but I have a lot of my own issues to work out still. There’s a lot of emotional pain. I can always find ways to be encouraged though, this site is a blessing and I’m so glad for it.
warmways I'm sorry you're feeling down. I hope the therapist helps. And yes, this site is a blessing.
In the meanwhile, I'd like to reiterate my support for yoga (or pilates) as an adjunct to therapy. Have you considered enhancing your exercise with some cute yoga outfits? I went to Target a few days ago and got myself some new yoga clothes that are more attractive than the Walmart leggings and t-shirts I had been wearing. It's just another way to have a little fun for not a whole lot of money.
Please forgive any typos or poor sentence structure. As I often say, you can have it perfect or you can have it now. Here, I choose now.
Thank you @ saarinista. I’ve been considering signing up for a yoga class for a while, so your suggestion comes at the right time! I’ll find a class and cute clothes make all the difference I already have the mat and leggings - used to take yoga a long time ago.
Feeling better… this site helps, meeting people at the gym and going dancing last night and just making myself not isolate is all good. Also watching comedians is the best.
worksforme2: Real Mustang Guy....To see the latest posts, stories, replies, move your scroll arrow left to ILIASM Forum and wait. The General Category will appear. Move your arrow downto the word General and left click. All the categories will appear.
Oct 22, 2019 17:19:53 GMT -5
RealMustangGuy: Thank you worksforme2. That helps but this site is really confusing for me for some reason. I'll keep trying to figure it out though. Thank you again for your explanation.
Oct 23, 2019 8:15:40 GMT -5
RealMustangGuy: misssunnybunny, thank you as well for your link. I'll study that and hopefully it will help me figure this site out.
Oct 23, 2019 8:16:35 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: You're welcome! I do hope it helps.
Oct 23, 2019 20:44:53 GMT -5
RealMustangGuy: Hope everyone has a great weekend.
Oct 26, 2019 9:02:26 GMT -5
warmways: Happy birthday solodriver!
Oct 30, 2019 9:17:55 GMT -5
solodriver: Thanks warmways
Oct 30, 2019 23:36:15 GMT -5
RealMustangGuy: When using a member's username in a post, how does one get it to be in different color and work as a link? I can type in the name but after posting it doesn't look the same as when others use member's usernames in their posts.
Nov 2, 2019 11:37:25 GMT -5
bfar: Just stumbled on this article:https://masculinebydesign.com/sexless-marriage-is-symptomatic-of-emasculated-husbands/ was more than a little disconcerting. Are we digging ourselves further in the hole by trying to be all enlightened and sensitive?
Nov 3, 2019 13:46:42 GMT -5
petrushka: Mate, what's the alternative to all enlightened and sensitive here? Rape? Coercion? Sexual assault? Thanks, but I can do better than being a complete arsehole (or psychopath for that matter).
Nov 3, 2019 21:11:53 GMT -5
bfar: Petrushka... I'm just wondering if we shot ourselves in the foot, as it were, by giving giving up on our strength, and giving in to the feminist agenda of making men irrelevant.
Nov 5, 2019 11:30:21 GMT -5
petrushka: Sorry, I don't buy into that at all. I'm not giving up anything. I've been into the "feminist agenda" for nearly 60 years. Having an empowered partner empowers me. I want strong women around me who take responsibility for themselves and who can face me
Nov 5, 2019 17:20:16 GMT -5
petrushka: I see 'strong men', and controlling bullies, as basically weak, lacking confidence and self esteem -- hence they think they need to assert themselves that way. I loathe patriarchy as much as matriarchy. Partners should be equals.
Nov 5, 2019 17:24:43 GMT -5
petrushka: In my world view, you are buying into some really shitty memes there.
Nov 5, 2019 17:25:20 GMT -5
apocrypha: The "feminist agenda" has changed across the past 60 years. Some feminists of the 60's call the current iteration "fainting couch feminism", thinking it a subversion and betrayal of women's lib. Hard to get a bead on what folks think, using a broad label.
Nov 8, 2019 9:37:14 GMT -5
apocrypha: No aspect of that article (which I amount to a magazine offering bad diet advice) promotes rape, coercion (beyond seduction), sexual assault, and I don't understand your public performance suggesting that they would be and thus implicating bfar.
Nov 8, 2019 9:41:51 GMT -5
mirrororchid: pfar, being sensitive means understanding how others think and feel. It doesn't mean you are compelled to adopt their thoughts and feelings. This is a matter of understanding people including loved ones. If you aren't sensitive, you lack tools to
Nov 11, 2019 8:09:49 GMT -5
mirrororchid: live well. You need not soften, but you should be able to understand vulnerability. Recognizing others' distress provides me with cues when I need to use self-control or extend help. If you're strong, you should be helping others. Use what works.
Nov 11, 2019 8:14:06 GMT -5