Post by cassiopeia92 on May 16, 2019 12:59:49 GMT -5
This is twofold please bear with me. I got some really excellent advice today from a new friend. She said to completely take everything to do with my husband including his health issues off the table and look at what I want my life to look like. What will make me happy. To sit and think about it and make lists. Then set a date to make a decision by and stick to it.
Welllll, the date part threw me. I understand why but what is reasonable?
The next part is something I discussed with my daughter that could be an exit plan but could also be an emergency plan. What if one day my husband decided to just up and return to the States? What if something happened to him?
My daughter worked out until I get to State pension age in just over 4 and a half years I would have to work. Possibly part time would work to shore up my private pensions. Also a move to a cheaper rent home, I saw a lovely 1 bedroom house in a nice area that would work perfectly.
I decided the little bits of credit we have I need to pay down and eliminate altogether. I also need to have a seperate account that is in my name only to squirrel money to.
So its an exit plan that could become a real exit plan and I have to say it looks attractive.
I also need to outsource to make myself happy. I realised this because just a couple of days talking to a truly nice man in the same situation has made me feel so much better about myself.
Last night when I went to touch and kiss my husband it was like hitting a brick wall. My friend was there to understand just how shit that felt.
So here I am, undecided with no deadline, but with a plan in place that might or might not be an exit plan.
How the hell do you set a date? Or do I leave the date till my plan is at least where I could live alone if I had to?
This is why you need to see a lawyer in your jurisdiction to establish how a divorce would shake out for you. There could be a compelling case to leave a.s.a.p. There could be a compelling case to leave it for another year (or 4.5 years as you mention)
Anyway, my suggestion ..... See a lawyer in your jurisdiction to establish how a divorce would shake out for you. Within the parameters of that legal advice, put together an exit strategy (in your case, refine the rough exit strategy you are already working on) Shore up your support network. If kids are a consideration, research everything you can about shepherding them through such a process.
Once you've done all that, and are sitting pretty with a do-able exit strategy in your pocket, what happens next is entirely at your discretion. You may action your exit strategy as soon as you've lined up those ducks (above) You may, on the other hand, decide it's all too hard and choose not to action your exit strategy but just keep it up your sleeve until the situation becomes intolerable.
It reads like you might have a crack at cheating whilst this all plays out. I'd suggest that you do as suggested above in that case. Get your exit strategy all sorted out before you embark on that .... reason being that the cheating option is invariably a game changer and can spin things off at unexpected tangents over which you have no control, including getting caught and your spouse initiating the end of the marriage.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: I was gobsmacked when I heard. This is just not us. In all of 2017 we had 37 murders in the country ..... I think the echo chambers of "social media" have a lot to answer for.
Mar 15, 2019 18:45:45 GMT -5
baza: Feeling for our Brothers and Sisters across the ditch Brother petrushka .
Mar 15, 2019 19:27:50 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: petrushka, I thought I read the headline wrong (this stuff happens here, not in NZ). It is frightening the hate that is being spread; it makes my heart hurt.
Mar 15, 2019 20:46:54 GMT -5
saarinista: All of us, IMHO, should try to be civil and kind as much as possible in person and online. I actively Tweet (civilly) on political matters and am horrified by the rancor & trolling on both sides of the spectrum, which only inflames unstable people.
Mar 19, 2019 23:21:20 GMT -5
saarinista: is anyone else watching March Madness?
Mar 24, 2019 11:44:48 GMT -5
worksforme2: doesn't much look like it...
Mar 27, 2019 12:20:10 GMT -5
saarinista: Well, my team is going to the Final Four! I am beyond thrilled. Basketball is life.
Apr 1, 2019 0:47:14 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Congrats! Yay! I don't know how many people see the shout box, I don't think it shows up not he mobile version of the site. Maybe post something in the Off Topic section and more folks may see it?
Apr 1, 2019 15:38:34 GMT -5
wewbwb: Or, maybe baseball season started . . .
Apr 2, 2019 5:27:34 GMT -5
flashjohn: saarinista, my alma mater, Texas Tech, is also in the final four.
Apr 3, 2019 14:59:01 GMT -5
saarinista: : flashjohn Ruh, roh. Then we have to be mortal enemies for the weekend because I went to MSU!
Apr 4, 2019 16:09:20 GMT -5
worksforme2: The add attachment says a max of 1mb...I see plenty of videos that are way longer than that...how do I do that? My video is 4.97 mbs
Apr 25, 2019 20:10:25 GMT -5
h: The videos posted aren't attached. They are links to videos outside the site.
Apr 26, 2019 14:09:04 GMT -5
sexlessinga: Hi guys just joined
May 10, 2019 20:49:28 GMT -5
worksforme2: @mslowmaintenance….long time no see, welcome back...
May 29, 2019 9:30:25 GMT -5
noregretz: You can never outrun a Grizzly bear, but that's ok. You only have to outrun the person you're with....
Jun 15, 2019 12:28:09 GMT -5
solodriver: or in this case your refuser.
Jun 16, 2019 19:21:47 GMT -5