Post by cassiopeia92 on May 14, 2019 0:45:06 GMT -5
I used to post frequently in this forum, as I was once in a sexless marriage. Then my wife died. I am no longer married or sexless. I am dating a very understanding woman, and we meet at least once a week.
But be careful what you wish for. I wish my wife was still alive, and we were divorced. In spite of all we went through, I miss her. I could go on and hijack the entire forum, but my point is this - widowhood really sucks. There is not only the empty space she leaves behind, but all the guilt of wanting to leave her and not doing more to keep her alive. I shouldn’t beat myself up. I visited her every day for nine months, and she had breast cancer and a bad heart. If the doctors couldn’t save her, neither could I.
This is your thread, cassiopeia92, so I will only echo what everyone here has said. You can’t change your husband. He is responsible for taking his meds and eating right. I´m Type 2 myself. You are responsible for your own happiness. Make yourself happy. If that requires leaving him, so be it.
Seriously, take a weekend for yourself. You’ve probably put your husband, kids, and grandchildren first for quite a while. It’s your turn to take care of you. Find an online buddy to flirt with. Maybe that will result in taking a holiday with him. I know I did that, and I didn’t regret it.
I’m sure that after years of a marriage like yours, your self image has taken a beating. Work on you. Dress up. Get in shape. Then go get a man who wants you. Trust me, life is too short to be sexless and stuck.
Thank you for your advice. It meant a lot to me. I have chatted privately with a man from another forum, we are both in a SM, and I cant even talk to him on the phone, it feels like cheating and I dont feel right about it or ready.
I do think working on myself is crucial. Building my own self confidence and positivity because you are so right, I have not taken a physical beating but I have taken a mental one. If I am honest my internal dialogue right now is, look at me, who is going to want me. After 18 years of rejection I do need to take some time to care for myself.
I have read your story, and I think you are an amazing person.