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Post by flashjohn on May 9, 2019 14:40:59 GMT -5
I left my ExRefuser on 2/29/16, got divorced, and I am now remarried. So it has been over 3 years since I got away from her. I feel like I have learned a lot throughout this process.
1. A Sexless marriage is abnormal. A person has every right to be celibate, but no one has the right to impose celibacy on a spouse. When you marry, you sign up for monogamy, not celibacy.
2. If a spouse ridicules the other or says he/she is abnormal for wanting sex, this is abusive. Sexual desire is a normal part of the vast majority of people.
3. If a refuser will not try to find a solution, he or she probably doesn't love you. A loving spouse wants the other to be fulfilled and happy.
4. Porn can be harmful, but if a spouse is a refuser, it is ok.
5. I am no Brad Pitt , but I am actually nice looking. Also, I listen very well, I am considerate, I am thoughtful, I am kind, and I actually care about people. These are very attractive qualities.
6. Everything is NOT my fault. Even if I make a mistake, I am not a horrible person who deserves to be berated.
7. I have every right to relax when I am home. I have a very stressful job, and if I need some time to decompress, there is nothing wrong with that.
8. My children love me very much and no matter what my ExRefuser says, they will always love me.
9. So far, my practice is going very well. I am an excellent attorney and much better than most. With a woman who loves me, supports me, and encourages me, I will likely be able to almost triple my income this year.
These are some of the things I have learned in the past 3 years. I may add more later.
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Post by DryCreek on May 9, 2019 15:18:23 GMT -5
flashjohn, thanks for sharing. I’m always happy to hear someone striking out on their own and finding success. You were a prosecutor until recently, right? Did you leap cold turkey into a new focus for your practice, or have you been able to make use of your prior connections?
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Post by flashjohn on May 9, 2019 15:47:21 GMT -5
flashjohn , thanks for sharing. I’m always happy to hear someone striking out on their own and finding success. You were a prosecutor until recently, right? Did you leap cold turkey into a new focus for your practice, or have you been able to make use of your prior connections? Nope, I am doing mostly criminal defense. It works very well since I understand the prosecution's perspective. I know how they are likely to review a case and so I know what I can do to get a case resolved. And since I know most of the prosecutors, I already have a good relationship with them. So I can get deals for defendants that most defense attorneys cannot.
I am also doing some wills and estate planning. I have always done some of that, and I enjoy doing it.
Also, I was a claims adjuster for over 10 years, so I may end up doing some personal injury. The thing with that is you have to screen the cases before taking them so you don't end up with a crappy case.
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Post by baza on May 9, 2019 19:39:31 GMT -5
It's a pity your old run of stories prior to Oct 2017 got deleted Brother flashjohn , as it's always interesting to read members original situation and compare it with their current situation. In any event it still reads like the difficult and painful choices you made back in 2016 put you in a position of availability for a greatly enhanced life, and you grabbed that opportunity by the throat. And now you are enjoying the long term benefits of having done that. It's a terrific story.
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Post by saarinista on May 10, 2019 10:26:14 GMT -5
so glad it's all working out! To top it all off, your college 🏀🏀team almost won the NCAA Natty this year. Beating Sparty is no small feat. Congrats and may the good times continue to roll.🏀
P. S. Allow me to add that your refuser ex-spouse stands out in my mind as one of the jerkiest, meanest ones I've read of on this forum. I'm so glad you gave her the heave-ho and are now with a woman who appreciates you. May it ever be thus.
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