jean
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Question
Apr 25, 2019 21:17:46 GMT -5
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Post by jean on Apr 25, 2019 21:17:46 GMT -5
I have been with my husband for about 10 years. He is 40 and I'm 39. I am very attractive and fit. He says we haven't had sex in 8 months because I don't dress likes he wants me to. I feel like he's blaming me for our lack of intimacy. I go to work Monday through Friday and men find me attractive daily so I kinda confused. I have tried so many times. Bout to give up and tired of the constant rejection. Any advice.
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Post by baza on Apr 25, 2019 21:30:55 GMT -5
There's insufficient to go on here Sister jean . However, if your situation has gotten you to the point of googling 'sexless marriage' then troubles loom ahead. What else is going on in your deal Sister jean ? Usually in these situations it ain't just the lack of sex that's the issue. Indeed most times it is other factors that are in play, and the lack of sex is just the prime symptom of the underlying dysfunctionality. Welcome to the zoo.
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firefollower
Full Member
Only you can prevent forest fires
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Post by firefollower on Apr 25, 2019 21:35:21 GMT -5
I have been with my husband for about 10 years. He is 40 and I'm 39. I am very attractive and fit. He says we haven't had sex in 8 months because I don't dress likes he wants me to. I feel like he's blaming me for our lack of intimacy. I go to work Monday through Friday and men find me attractive daily so I kinda confused. I have tried so many times. Bout to give up and tired of the constant rejection. Any advice. Welcome, sometimes we will never know the truth of why our refusers refuse us...my sense is it may have nothing to do with us at all. When I confronted my W...she could not articulate what the problem was...it just was not on her radar anymore. It is futile in my opinion to stress over reasons...in my case, I focus on the things I can change in myself. If it works great, if not, then it will make me a better person for someone else if that day ever comes.
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Post by ironhamster on Apr 26, 2019 1:22:08 GMT -5
I have been with my husband for about 10 years. He is 40 and I'm 39. I am very attractive and fit. He says we haven't had sex in 8 months because I don't dress likes he wants me to. I feel like he's blaming me for our lack of intimacy. I go to work Monday through Friday and men find me attractive daily so I kinda confused. I have tried so many times. Bout to give up and tired of the constant rejection. Any advice. Welcome to the club nobody wants to be a member of. Two terms I came across on this board are "gaslighting" and "DARVO". We all seem to get one or the other. He is trying to make this all your fault, and it just isn't. Let us say that, one night, you do dress up the way he wants. What happens next? Do you think his eyes will light up and he will give you the romp of your life? I doubt it. If he has gone eight months without sex, it is because he is comfortable not having sex and he knows you are not. That is not loving and cherishing. That is manipulative and controlling.
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Post by lessingham on Apr 26, 2019 2:45:40 GMT -5
Maybe he is plain bonkers? It is as good a reason as the many others that you, and all of us, ponder at 3am. If this is sudden and he wants to to change your dress style I would be suspicious. Does he want BDSM outfits, French maid uniforms or a much younger/older style? If it is just different, who is he trying to make you look like and who is he preferring? We all search for the why, Baza is uncompromising in stating the why is not important. But we all try to not be the excuse the refuser wants us to be. And we all, with varying shades of courage, face the hard question, what are you going to do about it? The nicest thing about this site is that you get the feeling everyone cares about you and roots for you.
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Post by baza on Apr 26, 2019 3:55:58 GMT -5
Some "why" chasing is inevitable in these circumstances, but it is best not to make a career of it as it leads nowhere Sister jean . But you can eliminate one "why". By your own testimony - "men find me attractive daily" So you can eliminate you being, generally, sexually unappealing as the "why". That however, then throws the spotlight squarely on your spouse, who apparently does not find you, specifically, sexually attractive. (I'd totally discount the "because he doesn't like what I wear "why", that looks like bullshit blame shifting) Logically, on the limited information available it appears that the problem resides with your spouse, and that would be his issue to sort out. Whether he is even interested in sorting himself out is not known, let alone whether he is capable of sorting his shit out. How long this has been going on seems critical information, what else is going on in the dynamic equally so.
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Post by flashjohn on Apr 26, 2019 10:50:20 GMT -5
Hi jean, so good to have you here. As others have said, please give us some more information. Do you have kids and/or a house? Does he tell you that you are unattractive or not sexy? Does he want you to wear revealing/sexy clothes in public? Just my opinion, but there is nothing wrong with dressing as provocatively as possible in private with your SO. But if he is asking you to dress that way in public that could be a problem.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2019 11:01:38 GMT -5
Jean, his comments on your wardrobe is an excuse. There are underlying issues maybe even he doesn't know about. It has nothing to do with how old, how fit, how hot you are, or how you dress. I know this because I'm hot as hell, sometimes from menopause but that's another forum. Suggest seeing a counselor with him to get at his (and your) deep-seated issues.
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Post by choosinghappy on Apr 26, 2019 18:25:15 GMT -5
I suggest you strip naked in front of him and ask if he likes that “outfit”. If that results in anything other than him ravaging you then there’s a bigger problem here.
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Post by hopingforachange on Apr 26, 2019 19:15:32 GMT -5
Hi jean, so good to have you here. As others have said, please give us some more information. Do you have kids and/or a house? Does he tell you that you are unattractive or not sexy? Does he want you to wear revealing/sexy clothes in public? Just my opinion, but there is nothing wrong with dressing as provocatively as possible in private with your SO. But if he is asking you to dress that way in public that could be a problem. Unless he wants to be cuckolded. He may not want to fuck you but watch other guys.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Apr 26, 2019 19:43:11 GMT -5
Curious to how he wants you to dress. My ex had a lingerie fetish. I didn't mind wearing it for him when I wanted to. It became a a sticking point when he's s idea of intiating became " do you want sex? Ok go get changed" I guess I wasn't good enough without lingerie.
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Post by Handy on Apr 26, 2019 21:23:34 GMT -5
Sex and birthday suits go together for me.
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Question
Apr 26, 2019 21:40:58 GMT -5
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Post by isthisit on Apr 26, 2019 21:40:58 GMT -5
Curious to how he wants you to dress. My ex had a lingerie fetish. I didn't mind wearing it for him when I wanted to. It became a a sticking point when he's s idea of intiating became " do you want sex? Ok go get changed" I guess I wasn't good enough without lingerie. Urgh. I think I would want to thump him.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Apr 26, 2019 21:46:31 GMT -5
Curious to how he wants you to dress. My ex had a lingerie fetish. I didn't mind wearing it for him when I wanted to. It became a a sticking point when he's s idea of intiating became " do you want sex? Ok go get changed" I guess I wasn't good enough without lingerie. Urgh. I think I would want to thump him. I did after a handful of times I said why don't you change. He said into what I said Brad Pitt and walked away sex did not happen lol
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Post by isthisit on Apr 26, 2019 21:49:50 GMT -5
Urgh. I think I would want to thump him. I did after a handful of times I said why don't you change. He said into what I said Brad Pitt and walked away sex did not happen lol Great to hear your response. The bloody cheek of it. Gosh we have all put up with so much, it’s hard to hear sometimes.
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