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Post by sadkat on May 1, 2019 9:25:44 GMT -5
The key learning to connecting with the right partner after separation is not what most expect. It’s becoming the kind of person who makes you happy. When you become the you who pleases you then you will attract the right people into your life. Do activities that you enjoy, be with people whom you enjoy, dress in a way that makes you happy. Do not try to change yourself to become a person who attracts a partner. Be the you who makes you smile. Typically accomplishing that after a sm happens as a result of a journey of healing and self discovery. Right on, as usual northstarmom!
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Post by elynne on May 4, 2019 6:12:35 GMT -5
I’m in the same boat. Moved out last week and seem to be regretting it more often than not. Like you I’ve been cleaning, reading, watching tons of television. Last night when I was going to bed I realized I haven’t had the same headache that I’ve been having for the last 7 months and I actually wasn’t weezing and congested. I didn’t feel sick bc I’m not in a filthy house with 2 cats. Cats that my ex refused to get rid of even though I’m incredibly allergic. Then I realized I hadn’t even taken any allergy medication in 4 days. I usually take it 3-4 times a day. So, I said a thank you to God and slept like a baby. I don’t feel as bad about leaving today. I physically feel better than I have in a long time, and that’s a good result and tells me that I was absolutely right in leaving. Hope you find your reasons that you weren’t even looking for, no matter how small. You’ll make it. I think your partner’s complete disregard for your health and well being is just as concerning, if not more so, as the sexlessness! Just my completely biased and uniformed opinion, but sounds like this is a healthy step on many levels.
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Post by smith227 on May 4, 2019 6:26:37 GMT -5
I’m in the same boat. Moved out last week and seem to be regretting it more often than not. Like you I’ve been cleaning, reading, watching tons of television. Last night when I was going to bed I realized I haven’t had the same headache that I’ve been having for the last 7 months and I actually wasn’t weezing and congested. I didn’t feel sick bc I’m not in a filthy house with 2 cats. Cats that my ex refused to get rid of even though I’m incredibly allergic. Then I realized I hadn’t even taken any allergy medication in 4 days. I usually take it 3-4 times a day. So, I said a thank you to God and slept like a baby. I don’t feel as bad about leaving today. I physically feel better than I have in a long time, and that’s a good result and tells me that I was absolutely right in leaving. Hope you find your reasons that you weren’t even looking for, no matter how small. You’ll make it. I think your partner’s complete disregard for your health and well being is just as concerning, if not more so, as the sexlessness! Just my completely biased and uniformed opinion, but sounds like this is a healthy step on many levels. You’re absolutely right. Those animals were a constant source of contention and he refused to believe they made me sick. Instead he would just say I hated his “babies”. Even when he’d see me coming home from the doctor at least once a month with some kind of upper respiratory infection. I walked over to his house a few days ago to pick up some mail and he begged me to come in to see all the work he’s done improving the house. When I walked up to the porch he told me to be careful opening the door bc there might be a cat by it. I smiled, and politely declined the offer to go inside. I told him that I’m allergic and I’ve been feeling amazing since I left, told him to have a nice day and started to walk away. He came down to the sidewalk where I was walking and told me his cats aren’t on the couch that much, they’re usually on his chest bc it just feels so good to have cats on his body. I internally puked, and kept walking. So, yeah. Fuck him and his nasty shitrats.
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Post by elynne on May 4, 2019 6:33:25 GMT -5
FWIW Sister moon , the way you write suggests to me that you are already a long way down the path of "being in a good space". Maybe even further down that path than you might think. In regard to a new relationship, I think it comes down to two main things. #1 - being open to that concept #2 - being available should that concept present itself #3 - pure blind luck that your paths intersected Re - *Pure Blind Luck" In my 9+ years of reading in the old EP group - and this one - I've seen this play out many many times .... with people like ballofconfusion tamara68 WindSister @mountainrunner and numerous others (most recently Sister elynne ) baza and enna30 for that matter - though that was some years ago now. It is interesting to note however, that the more of ones own shit one has sorted out, the more comfortable one is in ones own skin that the *luckier* one seems to get. I agree with Baza. Being lucky in love is a combo of a few factors. Pure dumb luck is a big factor. Courage to change the situation that you’re in is another big piece. But most important is working on yourself, healing the baggage and past crap that probably existed prior to the SM, allowed you to put up with it for so long, and all of the additional baggage that builds up from being in a SM. If you’ve cleaned that up, when someone truly special turns up and treats you really well you can accept it and enjoy it. And man - is it incredible to find that after more than a decade of a sexless marriage- that someone finds you attractive, thinks you are sexy, that sex can be fun and playful and absolutely delicious. That you can talk about it openly, discover what feels good. That it can be frequent and can also last for hours. That it consists of give and take. That someone else can truly enjoy focusing on your pleasure. And what I find incredible is it can be an expression of bonding and intimacy, of connecting more deeply. These recent discoveries only clarify that what was wrong in my marriage was so much bigger than the sexlessness. There are going to be ups and downs. But I believe when you remove something negative in your life you make room for something else. First there is a hole. And then you need to be cautious with what you choose to fill it. Something that feels familiar may just be replacing the old relationship with a different version of the same dynamic.
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Post by flashjohn on May 4, 2019 10:37:34 GMT -5
You’re absolutely right. Those animals were a constant source of contention and he refused to believe they made me sick. Instead he would just say I hated his “babies”. Even when he’d see me coming home from the doctor at least once a month with some kind of upper respiratory infection. I walked over to his house a few days ago to pick up some mail and he begged me to come in to see all the work he’s done improving the house. When I walked up to the porch he told me to be careful opening the door bc there might be a cat by it. I smiled, and politely declined the offer to go inside. I told him that I’m allergic and I’ve been feeling amazing since I left, told him to have a nice day and started to walk away. He came down to the sidewalk where I was walking and told me his cats aren’t on the couch that much, they’re usually on his chest bc it just feels so good to have cats on his body. I internally puked, and kept walking. So, yeah. Fuck him and his nasty shitrats. It is pretty obvious that he loves his cats way more than he ever loved you. I understand that people love their animals, but people have to come first, especially a spouse. Good for you for getting away from him and his cats.
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Post by northstarmom on May 4, 2019 12:25:55 GMT -5
A guy whose idea of bliss is having cats on his chest instead of a naked woman!!! Glad you are free of him!
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