As may be apparent from my postings, I am a mess of low self esteem and indecisiveness. A lot of my problems in the marriage is I cannot get over the decision hump of stay or leave. I have had serious depression since my teens. The marriage sexless thingy did not help. Sort of imploded aged 40 and have been in different sorts of therapy ever since. The past few years I am therapy free and flying solo. I am looking at a new session of therapy but am not sure. My last counsellor was lovely and for about 5 years we met weekly. However, I am not sure we ever progressed. She helped me feel good about myself but there was no "action". Lots of listening and support with observations. But I thing I need a more proactive "do this, this and this. How come last month's list ain't been done" type of therapy. (baza in his most inplacable mood?? (laughing)). Anyhow, a rambling monologue of where I am at the moment. I just wish I had the will, strength, confidence to go on with this decision making
Post by choosinghappy on Apr 12, 2019 6:06:32 GMT -5
I agree that therapy could be a help. Do some research and meet with a couple of them. Let them know that you think you need some action oriented help. You should be able to get out of therapy exactly what you want. And everyone’s approach is different. It is your right to try out different therapists until you find the right fit for you. Good luck! I hope you take this important step for yourself.
All counsellors are not good. They have to tread a fine line between being supportive, helping you dig for the truth, challenging your thinking, calling you out on any bullshit you might utter, and generally guiding the process (not running it) Sometimes they have to make you quite uncomfortable too. It's a tough gig.
You are parting with your hard earned when you see a counsellor. If you feel you aren't getting value for money you are well entitled to walk away and try another.
Post by misssunnybunny on Apr 12, 2019 7:52:50 GMT -5
Therapy can definitely be a benefit. We also may have to meet with a few to find the right fit. If you are looking for more concrete work, look for someone who does cognitive behavioral therapy or coaching therapy. These will be more goal/solution focused than traditional talk therapy.
We're all stories in the end. Just make it a good one.
Post by northstarmom on Apr 12, 2019 8:25:07 GMT -5
Therapy can be a help if you go with a specific goal and then stick to that goal. I suggest that your goal be to decide to choose whether to stay married and find a way to live happily in your sexless marriage or to decide to divorce and find a way to live happily divorced whether or not you have a partner.
This would put the ball in your lap about creating a life that allows you to be happy regardless of your partner or lack of partner. Discovering and pursuing activities that make you happy would be paramount. Also seeing if antidepressants or, if you are on medication, a different antidepresant or other drug is needed would be important.
You would have to be an active participant in your treatment by not just talking about your dilemma but taking actions under your control to find ways of being happy. Actions under your control means no longer trying to change your wife.
I agree with northstarmom and would add that you will only get out of therapy what you put into it. A therapist can only do so much in getting you to the point where you can help yourself. At the end of the day, you are the one who must do the work. So, I wouldn’t seek the help of a therapist until you commit to making the changes needed to help yourself.
misssunnybunny: You're welcome! So glad to hear you had a great day
Jan 19, 2019 16:34:01 GMT -5
worksforme2: anyone hear anything lately from mrslowmaintenance or smartkat?
Jan 24, 2019 18:06:02 GMT -5
petrushka: Just saw the forecast for Mildura at 47C -- I hope you and Ms. Enna are going to be ok Baz. That's getting dangerous.
Jan 24, 2019 20:10:00 GMT -5
lifeinwoodinville: I last heard from mrslowmaintenance about a month ago. I have been in regular contact with her for the last year and a half. I feel comfortable in saying that her situation remains unchanged. If you want to know more PM me.
Jan 25, 2019 22:36:50 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey baza,...I know it's hot and dry down under. N.C. is having record rainfall. I would gladly trade some rain for some sunshine....
Feb 22, 2019 20:28:35 GMT -5
tamara68: Today it's steak and blowjob day! I suppose the steak is for those who don't get a blowjob.
Mar 14, 2019 16:49:49 GMT -5
petrushka: tamara68 Laughing with tears in my eyes. And my steak is going to be semolina gruel, due to some tummy upset :-\
Mar 15, 2019 1:11:10 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: So sad to hear the news from New Zealand. Boston Strong supports Kiwi Strong!!
Mar 15, 2019 7:46:22 GMT -5
petrushka: I was gobsmacked when I heard. This is just not us. In all of 2017 we had 37 murders in the country ..... I think the echo chambers of "social media" have a lot to answer for.
Mar 15, 2019 18:45:45 GMT -5
baza: Feeling for our Brothers and Sisters across the ditch Brother petrushka .
Mar 15, 2019 19:27:50 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: petrushka, I thought I read the headline wrong (this stuff happens here, not in NZ). It is frightening the hate that is being spread; it makes my heart hurt.
Mar 15, 2019 20:46:54 GMT -5
saarinista: All of us, IMHO, should try to be civil and kind as much as possible in person and online. I actively Tweet (civilly) on political matters and am horrified by the rancor & trolling on both sides of the spectrum, which only inflames unstable people.
Mar 19, 2019 23:21:20 GMT -5
saarinista: is anyone else watching March Madness?
Mar 24, 2019 11:44:48 GMT -5
worksforme2: doesn't much look like it...
Mar 27, 2019 12:20:10 GMT -5
saarinista: Well, my team is going to the Final Four! I am beyond thrilled. Basketball is life.
Apr 1, 2019 0:47:14 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Congrats! Yay! I don't know how many people see the shout box, I don't think it shows up not he mobile version of the site. Maybe post something in the Off Topic section and more folks may see it?
Apr 1, 2019 15:38:34 GMT -5
wewbwb: Or, maybe baseball season started . . .
Apr 2, 2019 5:27:34 GMT -5
flashjohn: saarinista, my alma mater, Texas Tech, is also in the final four.
Apr 3, 2019 14:59:01 GMT -5
saarinista: : flashjohn Ruh, roh. Then we have to be mortal enemies for the weekend because I went to MSU!
Apr 4, 2019 16:09:20 GMT -5