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Post by solodriver on Apr 8, 2019 20:22:30 GMT -5
For those who have left their SM, when did you quit wearing your wedding ring? I'm probably going to wait until after I have "The Talk" because again, I don't want to tip my hand as to my plans and have her notice and ask questions.
But what have other done that have left their SM and what was the reaction from their refuser spouse? Did outsourcing play a factor in it? So, answering solodriver 's questions: still in my SM; happened way in advance of The Talk; unrelated to outsourcing. FWIW: back in the day when I was outsourcing, I was always 100% clear that I was married. Oddly, being honest about that with my new paramour was very important to me; sexual fidelity toward my wife of twenty-something years, apparently not. If I took my ring off during extramarital encounters, it was not about trying to hide it from who I was meeting; perhaps I didn't want the minor distraction for me. Well sadly, outsourcing isn't my problem.
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Post by warmways on Apr 8, 2019 23:47:28 GMT -5
So, answering solodriver 's questions: still in my SM; happened way in advance of The Talk; unrelated to outsourcing. FWIW: back in the day when I was outsourcing, I was always 100% clear that I was married. Oddly, being honest about that with my new paramour was very important to me; sexual fidelity toward my wife of twenty-something years, apparently not. If I took my ring off during extramarital encounters, it was not about trying to hide it from who I was meeting; perhaps I didn't want the minor distraction for me. Well sadly, outsourcing isn't my problem.
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Post by warmways on Apr 8, 2019 23:52:37 GMT -5
I used to take it on and off during the year before finally leaving and he never seemed to notice or care too much. He was caught up with his music and video games and preoccupied to say anything if I’d forget to wear it but yeah, mine is most likely an unusual case.
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Post by tirefire on Apr 10, 2019 4:43:08 GMT -5
This is the stupidest. I took it off every time I was at the gym because the dumbbells were leaving indented patterns in the soft gold. I realized it made me feel shitty to put it back on so I just started leaving it in the little zipped pocket of my gym shorts. I have never remembered to take it out when washing them so it is still there perhaps two years later. Sometimes I notice the little bump in the pocket and smile at how great things are now. I'm just going to leave it there for that reason. I haven't even looked at it the whole time, just touching it through the cloth every so often. I don't think it's serving it's original purpose. 😂
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Post by shamwow on Apr 10, 2019 17:04:40 GMT -5
This is the stupidest. I took it off every time I was at the gym because the dumbbells were leaving indented patterns in the soft gold. I realized it made me feel shitty to put it back on so I just started leaving it in the little zipped pocket of my gym shorts. I have never remembered to take it out when washing them so it is still there perhaps two years later. Sometimes I notice the little bump in the pocket and smile at how great things are now. I'm just going to leave it there for that reason. I haven't even looked at it the whole time, just touching it through the cloth every so often. I don't think it's serving it's original purpose. 😂 Perhaps go to Mordor and throw the shorts into the fires of Mount Doom. Or maybe that's a bit dramatic.
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Post by workingonit on Apr 10, 2019 19:11:30 GMT -5
Questions like these make me sad.
Before I got married I wore my grandmother's ring from the time she died (when I was 12) until right before I got engaged at age 26. Right after I started dating my husband my grandmother's ring cracked and broke. I was such a romantic at the time I felt like it was a sign that I was letting go of my old life and welcoming a new one. I chose my wedding ring to look like a variation of my grandmother's ring, and my husband's was a masculine version (we designed them together). I loved it and was excited to wear it.
At the end of my first pregnancy my hands blew up like sausages and I had to take the ring off. My h gained a ton of weight during that year and took his off too. After I gave birth I wanted to put it back on and asked him to get his stretched so he could too. He said that he did not want to and he would just wait to lose the weight. He never did. I took mine off during my second pregnancy for the same reason as the first and never put it back on. He never said anything or cared.
I don't think the rings are necessarily a big deal if everything else is good but, as you all know, it was not.
I think a group field trip to Mordor is just what we need.
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Post by ironhamster on Apr 10, 2019 23:21:23 GMT -5
Mordor is never far away for a wedding ring. Look for any pawn shop with a "we buy gold" sign. They buy by weight, then pop the stones out and drop them in a bag. Used stones have very little value. The gold gets sold, melted down, and turned into new rings.
Some might jokingly refer to this as "the circle of life" but I am not ready to put such a positive spin on it. It reminds me more of the last scene in Pink Floyd's The Wall, after the lead character is finally able to tear down his wall, and the children are picking up the bricks to build walls of their own.
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Post by sadkat on Apr 11, 2019 8:23:42 GMT -5
After all of the conversations that have taken place between h and me over the past couple of weeks and knowing that it’s definitely over, I still have not taken off my ring. I’m not ready- for many reasons. I figure that’s the least of the issues that will be consuming my time over the next several months. I’ll take it off when I am ready. Incidentally, my h has not worn his wedding band for years....
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Post by worksforme2 on Apr 11, 2019 9:28:47 GMT -5
If there is to be any "rings to Mordor" then I will need a ring bearer for mine. I'm too old to be running away from lava and leaping off precipices onto rock outcroppings. Of coarse if the path to Mount Doom is Harley accessible, I'm in.
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Post by choosinghappy on Apr 11, 2019 12:41:51 GMT -5
This is the stupidest. I took it off every time I was at the gym because the dumbbells were leaving indented patterns in the soft gold. I realized it made me feel shitty to put it back on so I just started leaving it in the little zipped pocket of my gym shorts. I have never remembered to take it out when washing them so it is still there perhaps two years later. Sometimes I notice the little bump in the pocket and smile at how great things are now. I'm just going to leave it there for that reason. I haven't even looked at it the whole time, just touching it through the cloth every so often. I don't think it's serving it's original purpose. 😂 Perhaps go to Mordor and throw the shorts into the fires of Mount Doom. Or maybe that's a bit dramatic. Road trip! 😂
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Post by richfairy72 on Apr 11, 2019 13:30:09 GMT -5
Sadly my ring removal was one of the triggers for his assault. I had decided to take it off to show him I was serious that the marriage was over. Ironically, He had stopped wearing his years ago....in fact, looking back he used to try to hide my existence to his friends and workmates. Probably to enable him to triangulate a new target. I love the field trip to Mordor idea! However, I think I will sell mine and go on a lovely trip somewhere.
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Post by solodriver on Apr 11, 2019 20:53:05 GMT -5
Perhaps go to Mordor and throw the shorts into the fires of Mount Doom. Or maybe that's a bit dramatic. Road trip! 😂 I'm ready!
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