|
Post by nyctos on Apr 2, 2019 16:50:52 GMT -5
Jessie, I'm really sorry you had that experience; I know it's awful felling your spouse isn't attracted to you.
If it helps at all, I'm convinced this is an issue in his mind and doesn't say anything about you.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2019 17:08:29 GMT -5
@greatcostal .... Discovering, all these 'things' takes a partner that is willing to understand. So true! It takes TWO patient and willing people, who have the ability to look within and process feelings and emotions and situations. You being willing to look at your part, without shutting down, is huge. Sadly, many men (and women alike) cannot do this. This does not come normal at all for my H, but overtime we're slowing tearing that wall down - very, very slowly. I doubt he will ever be comfortable at anything dealing with feelings or emotions, but he has come a long way and is willing to work with me. ironhamster ... "Ask anyone at a swingers club about "stage fright," and they will confirm this. ... I think it is a blessing for a guy to have a partner that understands that, and it is a blessing for a woman to have a partner that does not retreat when things don't go as planned." I've witnessed that 'stage fright' first hand many times at the swinger clubs, often with young men who can't fathom what the hell just happened ... or rather, didn't happen. The lady can be patient and understanding as can be, but if the guy can't get over it or deal with it, the small, and maybe one time problem, can become a lifetime obstacle. As greatcoastal touched on, too, both parties have to work together. I can be as patient and understand as possible with my H, but if he refuses to let it go or dig deeper to find out why, my hands are tied.
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Apr 2, 2019 20:24:32 GMT -5
I agree with ballofconfusion . My friend can't always keep an erection and often it takes a long time before he can ejaculate. First time we had sex, he was a bit nervous because it had been a while since he had sex. He wanted to perform well and got frustrated with himself that he couldn't the way he wanted to. It wasn't a big deal for me and we joked a bit about needing practice. It got a lot better since then. I think sex with him is very good most times now. It doesn't matter if he loses his erection, because then he focuses on pleasuring me and it doesn't take long before he has an erection again. He just takes a few breaks now and then. And the practice we had helped a lot to get to know each other's likes and dislikes. Not putting pressure on each other is very important. This is what I fear when I finally have a chance at sexual intimacy. It's been 20 years and I fear I may be nervous and fail my companion. I just pray she is as understanding and caring as you have been so that I can regain my confidence as a lover and help build that important part of a new relationship.
|
|
|
Post by Handy on Apr 2, 2019 21:00:31 GMT -5
Reading about the understanding women on this forum and what they accept with out judging a man is a breath of fresh air.
Thank you all.
|
|
jgb
Junior Member
Posts: 32
|
Post by jgb on Apr 3, 2019 20:24:21 GMT -5
My hubby and I had sex tonight. No not great he couldn't even get off after an hour of oral, vaginal, and anal sex. He didn't even bother to say anything he just pulled out and went to the bathroom. Are you fucking kidding me. I don't ever and I mean ever want ANYONE to see me naked again EVER!!! This just desamated any tiny sliver of self esteem I had left. I am just shattered and there is nothing left of a woman anymore just an empty shell. There is a not-insignificant chance you are reading too much into this. I am 55 years old and it has been more than 10 years since I could orgasm. I have had trouble maintaining an erection for even longer than that. the point is... level of desire has nothing to do with it. For a lot of men it is a medical issue, one that is extremely humiliating to deal with. It is quite possible that he gave up in shame, not disgust. I've made my peace with it and I haven't tried to address it medically, because my wife has zero interest in sex, so what would be the point? But, I remember that feeling... just finally giving up and the scalding embarrassment. It's a horrible feeling. Fleeing the scene is a normal reaction. Not a good one, but understandable. Of course, I don't know your husband. Maybe this is the result of a specific lack of desire for you. Might be that he is gay. Might be a porn addiction. Drugs, even. But, the scenario I have mentioned is a strong possibility and I wouldn't abandon my self-worth until you know for sure. You certainly sound like someone who doesn't have an over-long list of things you won't do in bed, so you've got that going for you. I would suggest you try to get him to talk about it with a 'we can work on this as a team' attitude. That conversation can not happen when he is lying there all sweaty and limp. If that fails, or you find out that the worst-case scenario is the truth, well, then at least you will know and move on from there
|
|
|
Post by nyartgal on Apr 3, 2019 21:54:20 GMT -5
My ex had at least some ED from the start, when he was 33. I didn’t know at first because he used Viagra secretly and we were in a long distance relationship. He couldn’t admit he had ED and he was so ashamed of it, it was easier to not try or to make sure I wasn’t enjoying it either. Why did he have ED? I have no idea. Could have been physical, psychological, who knows—the point was he refused to admit it until it was far too late for our relationship.
I don’t know your backstory but what I DO know is that ED is not about you. It’s about him and his relationship with his own body.
He should go to a doctor, get his heart and hormones tested etc, and see if he has a medical problem. If not then he needs to go to therapy and figure out what could he holding him back. But that still IS NOT a reflection of you, your body, how desirable you are, etc. Maybe he is gay, in love with someone else, addicted to porn...still, NONE of these possibilities are a reflection of you and your worth. It’s about him.
When I finally kicked my ex out I found to my GREAT surprise that at age 37.5 I was SUPER fuckable, men were falling all over me. I was so convinced by my ex’s rejection that no one could possible want me (even if I knew intellectually that was wrong). And I was so wildly wrong!
You are not his penis. You are you.
|
|
|
Post by michael on Apr 6, 2019 11:15:19 GMT -5
My hubby and I had sex tonight. No not great he couldn't even get off after an hour of oral, vaginal, and anal sex. He didn't even bother to say anything he just pulled out and went to the bathroom. Are you fucking kidding me. I don't ever and I mean ever want ANYONE to see me naked again EVER!!! This just desamated any tiny sliver of self esteem I had left. I am just shattered and there is nothing left of a woman anymore just an empty shell. Maybe he masterbates too much. Just a thought. It can effect him so that he will only get off from visual stimulation and a certain technique which of course only he would know. And maybe he had masterbated only a few hours before hand. It can make it difficult. I’m just trying to look on the optimistic side. Probably I’m wrong but you never know.
|
|
|
Post by rejected101 on Apr 12, 2019 19:31:39 GMT -5
My hubby and I had sex tonight. No not great he couldn't even get off after an hour of oral, vaginal, and anal sex. He didn't even bother to say anything he just pulled out and went to the bathroom. Are you fucking kidding me. I don't ever and I mean ever want ANYONE to see me naked again EVER!!! This just desamated any tiny sliver of self esteem I had left. I am just shattered and there is nothing left of a woman anymore just an empty shell. Have you considered.... A) he is addicted to jerking off and there is nothing left in the tank B) he is having an affair and therefore regular sex C) he is gay/asexual D) there is a physical condition preventing enjoyingable sex for him It’s not you. There will be a magnitude of men out there who would fuck you gladly
|
|
|
Post by tiredoftears on Apr 12, 2019 23:59:21 GMT -5
My hubby and I had sex tonight. No not great he couldn't even get off after an hour of oral, vaginal, and anal sex. He didn't even bother to say anything he just pulled out and went to the bathroom. Are you fucking kidding me. I don't ever and I mean ever want ANYONE to see me naked again EVER!!! This just desamated any tiny sliver of self esteem I had left. I am just shattered and there is nothing left of a woman anymore just an empty shell. An HOUR??? Damn. My man lasts about two minutes.... TOPS. Like he's TRYING to hurry and get it over with. And that is a RARE occasion. Again, so glad I get to have sex with other people.
|
|
|
Post by ironhamster on Apr 14, 2019 2:19:11 GMT -5
My hubby and I had sex tonight. No not great he couldn't even get off after an hour of oral, vaginal, and anal sex. He didn't even bother to say anything he just pulled out and went to the bathroom. Are you fucking kidding me. I don't ever and I mean ever want ANYONE to see me naked again EVER!!! This just desamated any tiny sliver of self esteem I had left. I am just shattered and there is nothing left of a woman anymore just an empty shell. An HOUR??? Damn. My man lasts about two minutes.... TOPS. Like he's TRYING to hurry and get it over with. And that is a RARE occasion. Again, so glad I get to have sex with other people. My girlfriend's husband is void of passion, gets about 60% hard, and is also a two pump chump. The only time he has any sexual interest is when she gets home from seeing me. It's kind of gross, really.
|
|
|
Post by tiredoftears on Apr 14, 2019 3:55:30 GMT -5
An HOUR??? Damn. My man lasts about two minutes.... TOPS. Like he's TRYING to hurry and get it over with. And that is a RARE occasion. Again, so glad I get to have sex with other people. My girlfriend's husband is void of passion, gets about 60% hard, and is also a two pump chump. The only time he has any sexual interest is when she gets home from seeing me. It's kind of gross, really. Lol. That actually sounds a lot like him.
|
|
jessie83
Junior Member
Enter your message here...
Posts: 35
|
Post by jessie83 on Apr 16, 2019 19:57:48 GMT -5
My hubby and I had sex tonight. No not great he couldn't even get off after an hour of oral, vaginal, and anal sex. He didn't even bother to say anything he just pulled out and went to the bathroom. Are you fucking kidding me. I don't ever and I mean ever want ANYONE to see me naked again EVER!!! This just desamated any tiny sliver of self esteem I had left. I am just shattered and there is nothing left of a woman anymore just an empty shell. Have you considered.... A) he is addicted to jerking off and there is nothing left in the tank B) he is having an affair and therefore regular sex C) he is gay/asexual D) there is a physical condition preventing enjoyingable sex for him It’s not you. There will be a magnitude of men out there who would fuck you gladly I have considered these and have looked into all of them. Still don't know what the deal is. Maybe I could find someone else who wants me but I doubt it and I really hate to be a cheater.
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Apr 16, 2019 20:16:57 GMT -5
Have you considered.... A) he is addicted to jerking off and there is nothing left in the tank B) he is having an affair and therefore regular sex C) he is gay/asexual D) there is a physical condition preventing enjoyingable sex for him It’s not you. There will be a magnitude of men out there who would fuck you gladly I have considered these and have looked into all of them. Still don't know what the deal is. Maybe I could find someone else who wants me but I doubt it and I really hate to be a cheater. I don't know how many women have initially taken the position that in all probability, no one else would want to have sex with them, so why bother looking. Guess what? A large percentage of them, once they made themselves available, found they were highly f*ckable. In laymens terms, guys were ready, willing and able to plow their furrow.
|
|
|
Post by saarinista on Apr 16, 2019 23:45:57 GMT -5
Maybe I could find someone else who wants me but I doubt it and I really hate to be a cheater. I know how you feel, jessie83. It's been so long since I've been on the market I can'y even imagine being with someone else. And I'm 58. I feel like most men would look at me as unsexual. I suppose we all have some reason to fear getting out of our sexless marriages, though, regardless of our ages or self perceived sexiness or lack thereof.
|
|
|
Post by Handy on Apr 17, 2019 1:06:43 GMT -5
Saarinista 1. It's been so long since I've been on the market I can't even imagine being with someone else. 2. And I'm 58. I feel like most men would look at me as unsexual.
Saarinista, RE: #1, I heard other women say something similar. I think some people are reluctant to try a new and different type of a relationship because they wonder if they can adapt or if the new relationship will have significant problems.
Not wanting to be a cheater is very common.
#2. Well there are first visual impressions some men/people go by, then there is the "you someone gets to know," maybe not the sexuality oozing specimen some men would drool over visual, but the real you that would be pleasant to live with. My opinion is I would rather have the pleasant to be in a relationship / live with than the person that looks super sexy.
This is not any form of evaluation on any woman's looks.
|
|