jessie83
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Post by jessie83 on Mar 30, 2019 1:24:16 GMT -5
My hubby and I had sex tonight. No not great he couldn't even get off after an hour of oral, vaginal, and anal sex. He didn't even bother to say anything he just pulled out and went to the bathroom. Are you fucking kidding me. I don't ever and I mean ever want ANYONE to see me naked again EVER!!! This just desamated any tiny sliver of self esteem I had left. I am just shattered and there is nothing left of a woman anymore just an empty shell.
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Post by Handy on Mar 30, 2019 3:21:33 GMT -5
jessie83, I understand your severe disappointment about your H not orgasms and how it affects your self esteem. What you can not control is your H's ability to get off. He may not be in control of it himself. Please do not think of yourself as an empty shell because of what your H did or didn't do.
This sexual stuff is hard on people that want or need sex to be good for both people. In most cases sexuality and sexual activity works and is a bonding activity for two people. The down side is some people are weird and they do not respond to or desire sex like most normal people. If they do not react to sexual stimuli like normal people it is all on them and there is not much you can do about it.
With the right person you could be the hottest woman in town. It takes someone that is in tune with you had a person with sexual desires and actions. Not every man (women too) has those inner workings and no outsider can make them into a hot stud/vixen.
I am not promoting any hook-ups with the sex starved men on this forum but I bet most men on this forum would nut/cum/get off in an exciting way. Some might even bust a nut in a few minuets the first time.
My point is some guys have it and some don't and you can't do much about it. Yes it is devastating to you but it is out of your control.
There is a saying, if you do not have control over what a person does or does not do or how they act, then you shouldn't take responsibility for how they act. Your H's sexuality is his problem but it affects you, I get that. But his sexuality as far as you doing something about it falls along the lines of "not your circus, not your monkeys.
Sorry the sex was so depressing.
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jessie83
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Post by jessie83 on Mar 30, 2019 3:54:05 GMT -5
This had been an ongoing problem for months. He would always lose his erection shortly after we began sex. It wasn't like this for 20 years then bam out of the blue problems. He is 38 so Ed is unlikely I think. In my head it's because he has lost feeling for me. If he wants out he needs to ha e the balls to admit it and stop fu kin with my emotions.
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Post by lessingham on Mar 30, 2019 4:40:32 GMT -5
After a hour of oral, vaginal and anal sex, I too would pull out and visit the shrine of whatever god answered my wildest dream to heap thank yous on it
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jessie83
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Post by jessie83 on Mar 30, 2019 6:59:26 GMT -5
Well lessingham my husband won't ever have to worry about it happening again. I mean fuck I'm not superwoman but I gave it my best shot... Even though he couldn't.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Mar 30, 2019 12:13:35 GMT -5
This had been an ongoing problem for months. He would always lose his erection shortly after we began sex. It wasn't like this for 20 years then bam out of the blue problems. He is 38 so Ed is unlikely I think. In my head it's because he has lost feeling for me. If he wants out he needs to ha e the balls to admit it and stop fu kin with my emotions. This is exactly how my very good sex life died after he got addicted to porn. Hard to compete with Photoshop and air brushing. And unrealistic fantasy. The few times he made it to bed and attempted sex for my benefit he would get hard lose it as soon as he got inside me. Emotionally it devastated me. I later found out porn causes that. Couldn't even snuggle because he either wasn't in bed or I was so hurt/pissed off I wouldn't to prove a point. I would snuggle him after he fell asleep because I needed that connection. Now I sleep naked pressed up against my bf. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. And ITS NOT YOU! You really need to find your anger and inner walls or he is going to destroy you. He can only do that if you allow it. Love yourself enough to not allow it.
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Post by northstarmom on Mar 30, 2019 12:42:07 GMT -5
jessie83 said: "This had been an ongoing problem for months. He would always lose his erection shortly after we began sex. It wasn't like this for 20 years then bam out of the blue problems. He is 38 so Ed is unlikely I think. In my head it's because he has lost feeling for me."
Despite his age, it could still be a medical problem -- one that he should see a doctor about. Medical problems could include things like diabetes. The problem also could be due to overuse of porn. Whatever the problem, he is the one who'd need to solve it. If he doesn't bother to find solutions, then figure out whether you'd prefer to remain in a sexless marriage or if you'd prefer to be divorced. You can't change him. You can, however, change your options.
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Post by ngreenwood57 on Mar 30, 2019 13:27:18 GMT -5
I'm sorry you're having this problem. Whether a woman or a man, it's hard to feel unwanted, because it's too easy to turn those thoughts to unattractive. Take care of yourself, emotionally and mentally, do something nice for yourself and try to stay positive.
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Post by Handy on Mar 30, 2019 15:38:21 GMT -5
jessie83, so OK you did your best. I know it hurts your ego / self esteem but look at it this way. If a man did all of those things to his W and she didn't cum woud you blame the man? Non orgasmic problems can hit a woman or a man. With a man it is more observable.
Don't blame attraction to you as the only cause of your H's problems. It could be porn or a number of other things shy he doesn't orgasam and there might not be a lot you could do to change him back to an orgasmic mode.
It is his problem to solve but it effects you, that is the issue. I would hope he would have more consideration for your needs, that is also part of the problem.
Let me ask, over this hour of sexual activity, did you orgasm? Did part of the sexual activity feel good to you?
Just a little about my sexual activities. No sex with my W for many years and before that it wasn't all that often. A long time ago we had sex 2X a week and she rarely had an orgasm. I tried, I asked what it took for her to get there. She said it was too much work and if I was pushing for her to orgasm it would be the opposite for her and mess up what she did like about sex. So I went along with most of what she wanted, which was a foot and back rub and to play with her hair. It almost put her to sleep but she enjoyed what I did to a point and we had some skin to skin time for about 20 to 30 minuets
I even bought and read the book "She Comes First" but my W wanted nothing to do with what was suggested in the book. It would have made her more resistant to have sex with me. If I pushed the book ideas it would have meant even less sex and skin to skin time.
Fast forward 20 years, separate bedrooms, less than 5% common social interests, and i mostly do my own thing. No FWB or divorce but I am tempted.
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jessie83
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Post by jessie83 on Mar 30, 2019 16:02:27 GMT -5
It started off pleasurable for me but i started to worry is he gonna be able to keep it up. When I say I went hard at it I went hard. He seemed to be concentrating really hard but in the end he fell short. I mean he didn't say shit he just pulled out and jetted like WTF?? So I didn't get off because I could tell it was gonna be a struggle for him. If he doesn't seem to enjoy it's a turn off for me. I have tried to talk to him about it but he just shuts down and just keeps saying he doesn't know what's wrong. He went to the shower and tried to jerk off.
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Post by northstarmom on Mar 30, 2019 17:45:29 GMT -5
“ I have tried to talk to him about it but he just shuts down and just keeps saying he doesn't know what's wrong. He went to the shower and tried to jerk off.”
If he refuses to see a doctor or (if no medical cause is found) see a therapist then he’s unlikely to improve. Whether it’s worth it to stay is ulyour call. There are plenty of men without such problems or who are willing to get professional help if they have performance problems.
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Post by baza on Mar 30, 2019 18:34:22 GMT -5
My hubby and I had sex tonight. No not great he couldn't even get off after an hour of oral, vaginal, and anal sex. He didn't even bother to say anything he just pulled out and went to the bathroom. Are you fucking kidding me. I don't ever and I mean ever want ANYONE to see me naked again EVER!!! This just desamated any tiny sliver of self esteem I had left. I am just shattered and there is nothing left of a woman anymore just an empty shell. Suggestion. Try thinking this through in less absolute language (such as the bits in bold above) If you are going to sort this situation out you will need to deal with it on the basis of the facts, not the emotions.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 30, 2019 19:44:53 GMT -5
This had been an ongoing problem for months. He would always lose his erection shortly after we began sex. It wasn't like this for 20 years then bam out of the blue problems. He is 38 so Ed is unlikely I think. In my head it's because he has lost feeling for me. If he wants out he needs to ha e the balls to admit it and stop fu kin with my emotions. My husband has (IMO) a likely porn addiction at most, at least the 3 decades of watching porn have most assuredly affected his abilities in the sack. Research the side effects. 38 is by no means too young for ED and, if he FEELS inadequate or feels he is unable to sustain to please you, or cannot ejaculate with intercourse, it's very likely he has some issues completely and totally unrelated to you. Talk to him CALMLY. See if he will open up to you. The Male ego is the most delicate and sensitive thing I've ever encountered in my life! lol! Feel free to message me directly if you'd like to talk more.
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Post by northstarmom on Mar 30, 2019 20:31:33 GMT -5
“See if he will open up to you. The Male ego is the most delicate and sensitive thing I've ever encountered in my life! lol! Feel free to message me directly if you'd like to talk more.”
If he refuses to talk about it and get professional help don’t make his problem your permanent problem by continuing to try to get him to open up and get help. My refuser ex refused to talk about what o thought was his sexual problems. He also refused professional help. When I finally lost patience decided to divorce, he revealed he’d been secretly supporting a two year old that he though he’d fathered. Men who are concerned about their sex problems get help. They don’t need to be cajoled into treatment.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 30, 2019 20:37:10 GMT -5
“See if he will open up to you. The Male ego is the most delicate and sensitive thing I've ever encountered in my life! lol! Feel free to message me directly if you'd like to talk more.” If he refuses to talk about it and get professional help don’t make his problem your permanent problem by continuing to try to get him to open up and get help. My refuser ex refused to talk about what o thought was his sexual problems. He also refused professional help. When I finally lost patience decided to divorce, he revealed he’d been secretly supporting a two year old that he though he’d fathered. Men who are concerned about their sex problems get help. They don’t need to be cajoled into treatment. northstarmom ... For sure. There is a limit to trying and if our refusers continue to stall or not participate, then it becomes save them or save me. When I've reach that point, I will always save me. He's then on his own.
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