I think any "advice" or "suggestions" need to be based on the narrative the member writes.
For example, if you looked at Brother timeforliving2 it would be stupid to suggest he leave. His narrative does not support such a suggestion. But another example, say Sister elynne , it would border on negligence to suggest she stayed in her shithole.
To take a position that leaving (or staying) is the right course of action, irrespective of the members narrative serves no useful purpose. Each needs to be looked at on its' merits.
The facts are however, that in this group there is a paucity of stories that suggest the ILIASM deal is recoverable. They invariably describe basket case deals. Whereas one might say - erring on the optimistic side - that there are about 5 members here with credible claims to having had a 'turnaround' they are outnumbered 10 to 1 or more by members who's method of resolution was to part company.
Now that, does not make leaving "right in all cases" but it certainly makes it "right" for those who chose that. And that's what it comes down to. Staying can be the right choice for some. Cheating can be the right choice for some. Leaving can be the right choice for some.
Like baza I’ve read too many relationship books to count. What I’ve found to be the most helpful is the articles I find after googling. Some examples: How to live life without human touch? My husband doesn’t touch me ever. How to talk to a narcissistic? Am I being gaslighted? Is my husband gay? My husband is repulsed by me. Dismissive avoidant. Touch avoidant husband? How to deal with a manipulative spouse? Detachment in marriage. Apathy in marriage. Divorce attorneys. The best search by far, was the last.
We have a similar search history. 😅 I could add: ‘Why doesn’t my husband love me?’ ‘Does my husband hate me?’ and all sorts of iterations on that theme.
Then the whole ‘parenting with a narcissistic spouse’ phase.
By far the most helpful phase has been the searches dealing with how to get out. Even thinking about life post-divorce gives me a light and happy feeling.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
saarinista: is anyone else watching March Madness?
Mar 24, 2019 11:44:48 GMT -5
worksforme2: doesn't much look like it...
Mar 27, 2019 12:20:10 GMT -5
saarinista: Well, my team is going to the Final Four! I am beyond thrilled. Basketball is life.
Apr 1, 2019 0:47:14 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Congrats! Yay! I don't know how many people see the shout box, I don't think it shows up not he mobile version of the site. Maybe post something in the Off Topic section and more folks may see it?
Apr 1, 2019 15:38:34 GMT -5
wewbwb: Or, maybe baseball season started . . .
Apr 2, 2019 5:27:34 GMT -5
flashjohn: saarinista, my alma mater, Texas Tech, is also in the final four.
Apr 3, 2019 14:59:01 GMT -5
saarinista: : flashjohn Ruh, roh. Then we have to be mortal enemies for the weekend because I went to MSU!
Apr 4, 2019 16:09:20 GMT -5
worksforme2: The add attachment says a max of 1mb...I see plenty of videos that are way longer than that...how do I do that? My video is 4.97 mbs
Apr 25, 2019 20:10:25 GMT -5
h: The videos posted aren't attached. They are links to videos outside the site.
Apr 26, 2019 14:09:04 GMT -5
sexlessinga: Hi guys just joined
May 10, 2019 20:49:28 GMT -5
worksforme2: @mslowmaintenance….long time no see, welcome back...
May 29, 2019 9:30:25 GMT -5
noregretz: You can never outrun a Grizzly bear, but that's ok. You only have to outrun the person you're with....
Jun 15, 2019 12:28:09 GMT -5
solodriver: or in this case your refuser.
Jun 16, 2019 19:21:47 GMT -5