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Post by alexjsell on Mar 29, 2019 1:23:05 GMT -5
Unfortunately my wife and I have very different opinions of where my mental health is at and what is causing any issues with it. She is of the opinion that everything wrong with my mental health is a result of my traumatic childhood and wants me to see counsellers who will force me to relive all the traumas and hardships so I can "Come to terms" with it all and move on.
My opinion is that I have "Come to terms" with my past trauma as well as I can, reliving the trauma in therapy will not be healthy or helpful. I feel my mental health is a result & reaction to my environment and the current state of my relationship and home life. Hence, I am on anti-depressants that are specifically for emotional instability such as anger outbursts & frustration. The only therapy I may need in the future would be training in anger management & self-control however, until the triggers behind these issues are resolved I don't beleive therapy will yield any positive results.
My wife believes that I have a long way to go. Every time I lose my temper, snap or react as anything other than a charming, friendly model citizen I am simply reinforcing her opinion.
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Post by baza on Mar 29, 2019 1:49:10 GMT -5
You have your reasons for not wanting to go any further with therapy Brother alexjsell . That is a perfectly legitimate position to take. Your missus (not a trained therapist I assume) appears to think you should go on with therapy. She's entitled to her opinion. You are entitled to ignore her opinion. Mate, it reads like you have your focus on her issues and what she could do about them. And she has her focus on your issues and what you could do about them. A good old stand-off going nowhere. Apparently a position where neither of you are up for owning your own stuff, but instead are concentrated on the others stuff. I haven't got much time for 'joint' counselling for ILIASM type deals .... but in this case maybe you two need an "umpire" to knock this off top dead centre. But at the end of the day, your missus' issues are hers, and yours are yours. You can't force her to take ownership of her stuff. She can't force you to take ownership of your stuff. It seems that you do not see any long term gain in addressing your stuff. It also seems that your missus' does not see and long term gain in addressing her stuff. That looks like the end of the story. Is there any point in flogging this dead horse any further ?
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Post by elkclan2 on Mar 30, 2019 14:44:37 GMT -5
Is your wife a mental health professional? Therapy is not always and certainly does not have to be about 'past traumas'- what can be super helpful is therapy which helps you deal with and get unstuck from what's going on right now and find a way to move ahead. If you indeed have come to terms with past traumas you can spend absolutely zero time talking about that.
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Post by angeleyes65 on May 1, 2019 20:46:06 GMT -5
alexjsell welcome to the club. I think most of us got to the point where we didn't want our rejecting spouse anymore or not enough to put in the effort. I think honesty is the best policy if you aren't happy with the situation don't pretend you are. If you tell her you are growing disinterested and detached maybe she will let her doctor know and get hormones checked. Maybe start excercising. I frankly told my spouse we were roommates because that's how I felt. Either way being unhappy isn't fun. Find what you need to be happy. Best of luck to you and happy reading!
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Post by cassiopeia92 on May 12, 2019 15:40:24 GMT -5
Welcome to the club no one wants to be in.
Everything I have read your wife say is an excuse, our spouses are full of excuses. You are only 7 years in, some of us are decades. Ibhave dealt with asthma in my family, excuse, I am a BBW, excuse, your PTSD, excuse...the thing you have to decide on is, do you go another 7 or more years of this or not?
Whatever your choice is, there is lots of support here.
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