Post by tooyoungtobeold on Aug 19, 2019 17:59:02 GMT -5
Finding happiness in a celibate life would appear to be the function of how it occurred. Did you choose a celibate life or was one chosen for you? Most of us here are in the latter category and, as I can well attest, coming to terms with it takes a long time. I am happy in my celibate life but I am also here on this board. If my life were almost exactly the same only with an intimate life then I would be truly graced and happIER. But it isn't. So, I stay, I come to terms, I "man up" for my family for my sanity.
Do I let go of what I have for the unknown? That choice might end your celibacy or might not. No wonder this is so hard.
Post by jamesbonding on Sept 11, 2019 23:47:25 GMT -5
Earlier this year I took a temporary job in another state for a few months, away from my wife. I was celibate during that time, and yes, happy. Work was enjoyable, and in my non-work time I explored the area, spent time on my computer, shopped for food, cooked, did laundry, etc.
As a result of that experience being away from my wife, I'm confident that if at some point I decided to leave my wife permanently, I'd be OK living by myself. My wife seemed to survive OK without me, too. I don't think she missed me much either. Shrug. It is what it is. (For now I continue to choose to stay because our life together is pleasant or at least "OK enough" that I don't feel motivated to leave. I get sex once or twice a week and some snuggling, which is as important to me as the sex. She gets a roof over her head - I pay the mortgage.)
I think the reason I'm not (much) bothered by sexual cravings during celibate periods is due to my practice (for the last 10+ years) of avoiding orgasms and some other sorts of intense sexual stimulation such as masturbation and porn. My brain and body have become used to living with little or no sexual stimulation; it's now normal for me. I do enjoy a sort of slow sex without orgasm, called "karezza." I talk more about it at iliasm.org/thread/4739/benefits-orgasming-seriously
Anyway, for those that want to reduce the frustration and cravings that come from lack of sex, I recommend AVOIDING masturbation, porn, night clubs, etc. It may not be not easy. Quitting masturbation is like quitting smoking (I imagine, since I've never smoked). It took me about six months to quit completely. But it was worth it. I feel so much better, not suffering from intense cravings for sexual release.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
solodriver: Thanks warmways
Oct 30, 2019 23:36:15 GMT -5
RealMustangGuy: When using a member's username in a post, how does one get it to be in different color and work as a link? I can type in the name but after posting it doesn't look the same as when others use member's usernames in their posts.
Nov 2, 2019 11:37:25 GMT -5
bfar: Just stumbled on this article:https://masculinebydesign.com/sexless-marriage-is-symptomatic-of-emasculated-husbands/ was more than a little disconcerting. Are we digging ourselves further in the hole by trying to be all enlightened and sensitive?
Nov 3, 2019 13:46:42 GMT -5
petrushka: Mate, what's the alternative to all enlightened and sensitive here? Rape? Coercion? Sexual assault? Thanks, but I can do better than being a complete arsehole (or psychopath for that matter).
Nov 3, 2019 21:11:53 GMT -5
bfar: Petrushka... I'm just wondering if we shot ourselves in the foot, as it were, by giving giving up on our strength, and giving in to the feminist agenda of making men irrelevant.
Nov 5, 2019 11:30:21 GMT -5
petrushka: Sorry, I don't buy into that at all. I'm not giving up anything. I've been into the "feminist agenda" for nearly 60 years. Having an empowered partner empowers me. I want strong women around me who take responsibility for themselves and who can face me
Nov 5, 2019 17:20:16 GMT -5
petrushka: I see 'strong men', and controlling bullies, as basically weak, lacking confidence and self esteem -- hence they think they need to assert themselves that way. I loathe patriarchy as much as matriarchy. Partners should be equals.
Nov 5, 2019 17:24:43 GMT -5
petrushka: In my world view, you are buying into some really shitty memes there.
Nov 5, 2019 17:25:20 GMT -5
apocrypha: The "feminist agenda" has changed across the past 60 years. Some feminists of the 60's call the current iteration "fainting couch feminism", thinking it a subversion and betrayal of women's lib. Hard to get a bead on what folks think, using a broad label.
Nov 8, 2019 9:37:14 GMT -5
apocrypha: No aspect of that article (which I amount to a magazine offering bad diet advice) promotes rape, coercion (beyond seduction), sexual assault, and I don't understand your public performance suggesting that they would be and thus implicating bfar.
Nov 8, 2019 9:41:51 GMT -5
mirrororchid: pfar, being sensitive means understanding how others think and feel. It doesn't mean you are compelled to adopt their thoughts and feelings. This is a matter of understanding people including loved ones. If you aren't sensitive, you lack tools to
Nov 11, 2019 8:09:49 GMT -5
mirrororchid: live well. You need not soften, but you should be able to understand vulnerability. Recognizing others' distress provides me with cues when I need to use self-control or extend help. If you're strong, you should be helping others. Use what works.
Nov 11, 2019 8:14:06 GMT -5
worksforme2: You know who I miss ...I miss smartkat and andie..and snowman 12345
Nov 14, 2019 9:16:44 GMT -5