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Post by tirefire on Apr 2, 2019 4:54:49 GMT -5
20 years of marriage and I can count on one hand the number of times she has reached out to touch me. I hope you've checked out the 5 love languages. Once I read that I realized that some couples are always going to be struggling to be happy together because they are mismatched. They'd have to work hard to make each other happy. For example, in my new relationship, both of us just can't get enough touch. So that works out great (other than probably making other people jealous). But yeah, I think I could say the same about my 20 years with the ex.
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Post by cassiopeia92 on May 16, 2019 0:31:24 GMT -5
I am so touch starved right now. I could go visit one woman that tries to get 25 hugs a day but then that might get me to wanting more. I know exactly how this feels. And I have seen here that almost without exception sexless also means no touch. But why? What I have not seen is the reason. My husband gives the dogs affection and the grandkids affection so why cant I have it?
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Post by Handy on May 16, 2019 1:43:16 GMT -5
Cassiopeia92 My husband gives the dogs affection and the grandkids affection so why cant I have it?
That is my w with the dogs. Sunday (Mother's Day in the USA) our daughter took us out to eat. When we left the house my W said "I love you" to the 2 dogs. Before my W moved to the spare bedroom she used to call one of her pets her "lover boy" then turn to me complaining "men are over sexed."
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Post by cassiopeia92 on May 16, 2019 3:07:36 GMT -5
Holy shit
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Post by northstarmom on May 16, 2019 7:40:06 GMT -5
Cassiopeia92 said: “My husband gives the dogs affection and the grandkids affection so why cant I have it?”
In your heart you know why. Since you can’t get the love and sexual intimacy you want from him what are your alternatives to filling that void in your life?
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firefollower
Full Member
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Post by firefollower on May 16, 2019 8:46:23 GMT -5
Cassiopeia92 My husband gives the dogs affection and the grandkids affection so why cant I have it?That is my w with the dogs. Sunday (Mother's Day in the USA) our daughter took us out to eat. When we left the house my W said "I love you" to the 2 dogs. Before my W moved to the spare bedroom she used to call one of her pets her "lover boy" then turn to me complaining "men are over sexed." Wow...sounds like there are anger issues there on the part of your W.
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Post by northstarmom on May 16, 2019 9:40:20 GMT -5
Anger issues? Maybe. What I see is she is very clearly telling her husband that she loves her dogs but has no use for the kind of love her husband offers and desires.
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Post by Handy on May 16, 2019 10:34:07 GMT -5
Northstarmom, my W prioritizes pets of any type, no matter who owns them, over people. She watches most of the TV programs related to pets. One program "My Cat from Hell" where one part of a couple is allergic to cats, my W's idea of problem solving is to keep the cat and get rid of the partner with the allergy.
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spencer
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Post by spencer on May 17, 2019 16:53:25 GMT -5
This is so subtle but true, I too crave hugs, touch, physical bonding. It is much is not about intercourse - merely lack of intimacy is making me decompose from the inside.
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Post by elynne on May 20, 2019 1:04:05 GMT -5
This will sound stupid but I used to look forward to getting a haircut for this very reason. Just a few minutes of touch. Any female touch. It feels so sad now looking back. I used to book Brazilian bikini waxes and enjoy the warm wax and the calming sensation of the skin being pressed to soothe the pain. Can you imagine?!!! I was so touch starved that I paid someone to rip out my pubic hair! And enjoyed it! 🤣
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Post by Handy on May 20, 2019 1:15:51 GMT -5
Elynne I was so touch starved that I paid someone to rip out my pubic hair! And enjoyed it!
OUCH! Maybe I am too chicken to have something like that done to me AND enjoy it.
Handy=free hugs to any lady on the forum. The down side is you have to come to me.
Well, cyber hugs go out to every touch starved ILIASM member.
Two styles to choose from. Man hugs for the guys and a lady appropriate hug to the gals.
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Post by Handy on May 25, 2019 7:28:22 GMT -5
I had a dream that felt real at the time.
I had to get up early to take a grand kid to work. I don't hear the alarm clock cheeping so in the dream my W got into bed with me but way over on her side. She can hear the alarm clock's high pitched sounds. It has been many years since she slept in the same bed with me.
So I go to sleep but wake up and reach out to hug her. No W and I am puzzled. In my dream I realize that lump on the other side of the bed was my bike helmet and gloves and it was never my W. Then I wake up for real. Well, my bike helmet and gloves were really there where they were in the dream.
After waking up for real, I had another hour to go before the alarm went off so I got up and wrote this post while having toast and coffee. The toast is lemon flavored bread, which is a little like lemon cake-bread and I melted cheddar cheese on it so that was a plus. It is quiet now, which I like, while I drink my coffee.
When my W gets up, she turns on the TV and it is loud because she too has some serious hearing loss, but will not use her hearing aids.
Maybe I should join that mythical adult "Hugs and Spooning (clothing optional) web site?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2019 20:33:44 GMT -5
I think there is also another dynamic where the partner is so sex averse that we (the refused) also inadvertently train them to withdraw all physical touch and warmth. They worry that everything will be seen as an overture to sex. I was guilty of that years ago. I'm smarter now but...too late.
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Post by baza on May 26, 2019 21:07:58 GMT -5
I think there is also another dynamic where the partner is so sex averse that we (the refused) also inadvertently train them to withdraw all physical touch and warmth. They worry that everything will be seen as an overture to sex. I was guilty of that years ago. I'm smarter now but...too late. There's a bit in what you say @tooyoungtobeold2 . After prolonged periods where there has not been any touch, and your spouse innocently and accidently brushes past you and the back of your hands touch momentarily, the deprived spouse can leap to the (erroneous) conclusion that it is a sign that an approach for more meaningful touch is warranted. When there's not much touch or sex happening in your life, you tend to latch onto any touch like a limpet. And give it way more gravitas or importance than it actually warrants.
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