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Post by solodriver on Feb 23, 2019 14:07:51 GMT -5
What is a typical day like for you in your SM and, for those of you who have left your SM, what's it like now?
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Post by warmways on Feb 23, 2019 16:10:43 GMT -5
Great question. Since my divorce on Wednesday 2-20, I just feel free. I have a new sense of calm and my head is clearer. I feel an absence of anxiety that was always there behind everything I did because I just wasn’t happy and no amount of distraction or denial could erase it completely.
I know it’s not going to be all good—-all peach trees and rainbows, but I feel like a new person.
What I do during the day now divorced is the same as before but I’m making more ambitious plans now like to go back to singing lessons, go back to school and maybe go to Scotland with my sister and brother and their spouses in May.
. I moved out and into a new apartment on Dec. 1 and that made me happier and before that was living with a girlfriend and before that back in August 2018 when I moved out and I moved in with my parents but my typical day feels easier. I’m no longer spending as much time making decisions. I’m just more able to flow through the day without fear or that sadness that followed me when I was still married.
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Post by baza on Feb 23, 2019 17:46:19 GMT -5
I started off writing a comparison between Feb 2009 and Feb 2019, but on a re-read of what I wrote showed it to be boring in the extreme so I wiped it and started again. I am out. Have been for 9 years+.
Today, I do NOT live a problem free life, any more than I did 10 years ago. But back then, among my assorted problems there were some "unfixable" problems, as well as the usual day to day issues that beset us all.
Nowdays, those "unfixable" problems are no more. My ILIASM deal is no more. All I have now are the bog standard problems of life, just like we all have. But I am a pretty happy bloke. Dealing with the day to day things that come up is no great hardship. Like I say, I am a pretty happy bloke.
Addendum. From that base above, I also got lucky. Met Ms enna, with whom I live. That relationship has value added to my life by heaps too. A lovely bonus.
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Post by Handy on Feb 23, 2019 18:15:05 GMT -5
WTG Baza and Ms Enna!!!
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Post by smith227 on Feb 23, 2019 19:24:37 GMT -5
My day. Wake up around 8am. Eat breakfast and watch tv. Usually go back to sleep on the couch for a bit, then get ready and go to work. Work 8 hours, come home, watch some tv and go to be around 11pm. The 2 days I have off I have the same routine, but laundry and grocery shopping are thrown in the mix. My roommate’s day. Wakes up around 1pm but doesn’t get out of bed. Instead grabs his laptop he keeps on the nightstand and gets on the Internet til around 4pm bc anything on the internet is far more important than anything in real life. Gets up, comes downstairs and gets on his phone to be on the internet til he goes to work at 5pm on the 4 days he works a week. If he doesn’t go to work, he’ll come downstairs put YouTube on the tv and watch internet videos til around 9pm. He’ll then change to video games til 2am. At that point he’ll go back to his phone for internet til 4am. Then he’ll get in bed with his laptop and get on internet again til around 7am. Never thought I’d be living like this. Oh well. Maybe if I ran on WiFi he’d find me interesting. I just did the math and he spends around 14 hours a day on the Internet. I fucking hate this. I can’t wait to get out.
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Post by Rhapsodee on Feb 23, 2019 21:18:47 GMT -5
That’s awful. It’s like living with a zombie. You can’t change him so you have to change yourself. Get yourself out and involved with the world. Instead of chores on the weekend go to a movie, alone if you have to. My husband watches tv and videos on his phone from the time he gets home ‘till he goes to bed. He does the same on the weekends. I go line dancing twice a week and on hikes with the hiking club nearly every weekend. I have an entire world he knows nothing about. I’m happier. He’s the same.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Feb 23, 2019 22:33:54 GMT -5
@ deedle. My life in my SM was get up go to work come home go straight to bedroom and workout( avoidance) sit down and play on my phone and watch TV until bedtime. Where I had a body pillow between us. Weekends I cleaned. And hoped it passed fast. Now that I'm out and in a relationship. I get up get ready for work. Go in and kiss my bf goodbye. Work look forward to coming home to him. We talk and eat dinner or go to the gym then eat. Then snuggle on the couch watching TV. We fall asleep in each other's arms. I clean on Sat because he works. We go out often with friends. Sex minimum of 3 times a week. Life is good. I'm happy.
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Post by Rhapsodee on Feb 23, 2019 22:43:14 GMT -5
Ahhhhh. That’s wonderful.
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Post by ironhamster on Feb 23, 2019 23:33:22 GMT -5
Before, every time I looked at our checking account it was running on fumes. I worked a lot of overtime to compensate. Sex, about every three or four months, crappy man on top get it over with quick type sex.
Now, my ex takes a sizeable chunk of my paycheck, but I can live modestly on the rest. My bedroom is like a sex toy shop. I live a couple hours from my once AP now girlfriend, with plans to move closer. We are past the infatuation stage, and still deeply into each other. As long as travel conditions and family plans don't stop us, we see each other every weekend. We have more sex each weekend than my ex and I had in our whole marriage, and it is still hot.
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Post by solodriver on Feb 24, 2019 20:10:51 GMT -5
I love hearing your before/after stories. It gives me encouragement everyone! Keep them coming! And even if you haven't left your SM yet, feel free to share your daily story as well. I get encouragement from those as well, knowing that I'm not alone in my day-to-day struggles.
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Post by tirefire on Feb 24, 2019 22:10:30 GMT -5
Still formally getting out of the SM. In a practical sense, I checked out a long time ago. Lawyers are engaged but we're still living under the same roof with the kids. I can't wait to get my own place and get out of here. Hopefully not much longer now. My new gf is in my thoughts all day. I get lost thinking about her beautiful eyes. Right now life is such that I can see her every second weekend and it isn't anywhere near enough. On each of those weekends, we spend hours in bed. And it's never near enough. Regardless of the amount of time we have, I'm so happy 7/24 and would never look back. My gf reminds me that many men never leave. To those men I say: just do it. Get out and never look back.
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Post by idgaf96 on Feb 24, 2019 22:15:05 GMT -5
My 'typical' day is different from moment to moment. I'm in the midst of my divorce and my spouse is an emotional rollercoaster. Shit I wont lie, i am too... Weekdays. I wake up as he is leaving. He usually has some comment about fucking myself (not in the fun way) before he leaves then I make coffee and get things going like laundry and feeding the dogs. I wake the kids and get them ready and off to school. Usually around that time my spouse calls to bitch at me or remind me that I am a cheating whore. I go to work and smile through my day. I do my best to put on a happy face and make customers laugh. I run home to cook, help the kids with homework, do chores and run the kids to their different things. When I get home he is usually a couple shots in and spends the evening reminding me with a variety of snide comments about how I have ruined our lives. I try to ignore it and just do what I have to do. Weekends. I try to spend as much time with #ironhamster as I can without missing to much with my kids. When I am with them I try to stay busy with activities or visiting friends and fam to stay out the house. This will be over soon and I so look forward to the day I can be in a more peaceful environment. I'd be gone now if it wasn't so complicated.
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Post by elkclan2 on Feb 25, 2019 4:05:13 GMT -5
My 'typical' day is different from moment to moment. I'm in the midst of my divorce and my spouse is an emotional rollercoaster. Shit I wont lie, i am too... Weekdays. I wake up as he is leaving. He usually has some comment about fucking myself (not in the fun way) before he leaves then I make coffee and get things going like laundry and feeding the dogs. I wake the kids and get them ready and off to school. Usually around that time my spouse calls to bitch at me or remind me that I am a cheating whore. I go to work and smile through my day. I do my best to put on a happy face and make customers laugh. I run home to cook, help the kids with homework, do chores and run the kids to their different things. When I get home he is usually a couple shots in and spends the evening reminding me with a variety of snide comments about how I have ruined our lives. I try to ignore it and just do what I have to do. Weekends. I try to spend as much time with #ironhamster as I can without missing to much with my kids. When I am with them I try to stay busy with activities or visiting friends and fam to stay out the house. This will be over soon and I so look forward to the day I can be in a more peaceful environment. I'd be gone now if it wasn't so complicated. He sounds like a charmer! I don't understand why you're walking away from that.
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Post by lessingham on Feb 25, 2019 4:24:41 GMT -5
A typical day? My Italian friend called me Cinderello, which pretty much sums it up. But there will be no Princess Charming to rescue me, that is my own job to carry out.
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Post by lessingham on Feb 25, 2019 5:49:41 GMT -5
So, today I got up, made myself a coffee, painted and watched porn. I did not make her breakfast in bed, did not wash up, do the laundry or clean. I took my wedding ring off and had a pure Lessingham morning. If this is post SM, I could be happy.
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