Post by northstarmom on Feb 18, 2019 9:31:25 GMT -5
The Atlantic 2/14/2019, “The Bored Sex”. (Google to find this article. I’m running out of The Atlantic freebies)
“Although most people in sexual partnerships end up facing the conundrum biologists call “habituation to a stimulus” over time, a growing body of research suggests that heterosexual women, in the aggregate, are likely to face this problem earlier in the relationship than men. And that disparity tends not to even out over time. In general, men can manage wanting what they already have, while women struggle with it.
Marta Meana of the University of Nevada at Las Vegas spelled it out simply in an interview with me at the annual Society for Sex Therapy and Research conference in 2017. “Long-term relationships are tough on desire, and particularly on female desire,” she said. I was startled by her assertion, which contradicted just about everything I’d internalized over the years about who and how women are sexually. Somehow I, along with nearly everyone else I knew, was stuck on the idea that women are in it for the cuddles as much as the orgasms, and—besides—actually require emotional connection and familiarity to thrive sexually, whereas men chafe against the strictures of monogamy.”
“... In general, men can manage wanting what they already have, while women struggle with it. ..."
Friends who know both my wife and me sometimes joke about how I have "more ovaries" that she does. The above generalization seems to be flipped in the case of my marriage, thus adding support to our friends' conjecture.
Northstarmom, I sort of agree with the idea that women get board with sex faster than men. My W might like something sexual a couple of times but not after that. She is the same way with food, please no left overs.
I'd have to agree with that assessment, but also disagree in terms of my own SM. Agree in that my husband has a far more greater desire for "strange" than I do, but I am the one who desires sex more than he does. Seemingly, he is the one who 'got bored with me' and is more genuinely turned on by the strange available at our swinger parties. I, however, with the more vibrant sex drive, have a much larger and greater desire for sex with 'regulars' (most notably my husband, of course) and actually prefer my regular partners over someone new (who may not have a clue what they're doing! lol!) Regardless of the "why's" or "hows", as mescaline said, same old story in ILIASM. Sigh ....
Whynotm3 actually prefer my regular partners over someone new (who may not have a clue what they're doing!
I roll the same way in my mind (no first hand sexual experience) except the reason is a little different. I prefer to work with people that I know what they like.
@ handy .... I will admit a little 'strange' can be fun now and then but agree, being more familiar with someone IMO makes for a better experience. And, considering how seldom I get that experience, um, yeah, I'm going for what I know checks all the boxes and rings all the bells. 😉
Whynotme4 @ handy .... I will admit a little 'strange' can be fun now and then but agree, being more familiar with someone IMO makes for a better experience.
I believe you. My one and only experience is with my W. No other sex partners so strange would be a new experience.
I am coming from the background of no sex in several years so I really an not too hopeful about introducing any "strange" because everyone I try to open up about romantic or sexual interests, they all have said they were only interested in eating out, me giving them rides, me fixing things and they were not interested in much more. Most say they don't want a man in their life for more than I just posted. They also hint they wouldn't know how to react to physical intimacy. I know being married limits my opportunity for most instances of strange.
I have a couple of optional opinions to the reactions I have gotten. 1. Dried up/ no desire due to lack of hormones. 2. Not feeling good about wrinkles and extra weight. 3. Some think a man will put a financial or medical drain on them. One dead husband is their limit. 4. They want to do what they want to do when and if they feel like doing-not doing what ever. 5 Sour Grapes. No men fit their ideal standard so why bother.
Post by tooyoungtobeold on Feb 20, 2019 16:09:09 GMT -5
My problem with such studies is that all studies are a snapshot in time of a small group of people. Only as the study is reproduced, over time, with the same results across broader and more numbers does it become true. Yet, we publish this kind of thing continuously as definitive.
My own personal theory is that in western countries we are all so blessed (comparatively)that we behave more and more like characters from Tolstoy or Austen. I'll follow up a literary reference with one from a campy '80s movie Overboard. "You know what your problem is? You are so goddamn bored, you have to *invent* things to bitch about! You don't have a single thing to do on this earth except for your hair! The closet was fine, you just needed something to fill up your useless, nail-polishing, toe-polishing, rich bitch, sun-tanning days!"
That's become so many of us, but I'm in a mood today.
Oh I totally agree. I believe that our difficulties started when I got bored and started wanting more than the mere basics. The more I tried to introduce new experiences, the more he withdrew. I am a determined woman, but I finally threw in the towel. I stopped initiating.
misssunnybunny: You're welcome! So glad to hear you had a great day
Jan 19, 2019 16:34:01 GMT -5
worksforme2: anyone hear anything lately from mrslowmaintenance or smartkat?
Jan 24, 2019 18:06:02 GMT -5
petrushka: Just saw the forecast for Mildura at 47C -- I hope you and Ms. Enna are going to be ok Baz. That's getting dangerous.
Jan 24, 2019 20:10:00 GMT -5
lifeinwoodinville: I last heard from mrslowmaintenance about a month ago. I have been in regular contact with her for the last year and a half. I feel comfortable in saying that her situation remains unchanged. If you want to know more PM me.
Jan 25, 2019 22:36:50 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey baza,...I know it's hot and dry down under. N.C. is having record rainfall. I would gladly trade some rain for some sunshine....
Feb 22, 2019 20:28:35 GMT -5
tamara68: Today it's steak and blowjob day! I suppose the steak is for those who don't get a blowjob.
Mar 14, 2019 16:49:49 GMT -5
petrushka: tamara68 Laughing with tears in my eyes. And my steak is going to be semolina gruel, due to some tummy upset :-\
Mar 15, 2019 1:11:10 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: So sad to hear the news from New Zealand. Boston Strong supports Kiwi Strong!!
Mar 15, 2019 7:46:22 GMT -5
petrushka: I was gobsmacked when I heard. This is just not us. In all of 2017 we had 37 murders in the country ..... I think the echo chambers of "social media" have a lot to answer for.
Mar 15, 2019 18:45:45 GMT -5
baza: Feeling for our Brothers and Sisters across the ditch Brother petrushka .
Mar 15, 2019 19:27:50 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: petrushka, I thought I read the headline wrong (this stuff happens here, not in NZ). It is frightening the hate that is being spread; it makes my heart hurt.
Mar 15, 2019 20:46:54 GMT -5
saarinista: All of us, IMHO, should try to be civil and kind as much as possible in person and online. I actively Tweet (civilly) on political matters and am horrified by the rancor & trolling on both sides of the spectrum, which only inflames unstable people.
Mar 19, 2019 23:21:20 GMT -5