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Post by nyartgal on Feb 15, 2019 15:10:07 GMT -5
Thought I would leave a brief update!
Yesterday was my 5 year wedding anniversary to the man formerly referred to as SSSG (Spanish Super Sex God), and we are still extremely happy together, all these years, two kids and a zillion crazy things later! The sex is still HOT and though less frequent due to kids, exhaustion, schedules, etc, when we make time it’s terrific, spontaneous, free, and full of orgasms.
Even better, our relationship continues to grow, deepen, and get closer. We truly understand each other, something I never felt with my ex in our SM. Life is hectic, complicated and challenging—we don’t have a pot to piss on or a window to throw it out of, as they say. But there’s still no place I’d rather be.
Opposite Land is still amazing. Every once in awhile I remember something about my ex and our marriage and I feel no pain. Usually it makes me laugh to think of how absurd the whole thing was in certain ways. I also have some sweet memories of being happy together. I haven’t felt mad at him in years and years.
So in case you’re wondering, happy marriages are real! It doesn’t have to be a depressing, frustrating prison of confusion and rejection. I’m so glad I didn’t waste another minute in my SM.
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Post by sadkat on Feb 15, 2019 17:25:44 GMT -5
Thank you so much for sharing! I enjoy hearing from people in opposite land. It gives me hope that I can find happiness one day too!
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Post by shamwow on Feb 15, 2019 17:33:37 GMT -5
The real cool part is when opposite land becomes home and the SM is a distant nightmare!
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Post by baza on Feb 15, 2019 18:02:02 GMT -5
I was privileged to see nyartgal arrive as a newbie on the old EP/ILIASM site, at the 'everything's great bar the sex' stage. And to follow her process of digging down for her truth, owning it, making some hugely difficult choices and ultimately getting out. Then, there's been the delightful vignettes of what happened after.... .... an update about finding SSSG .... an update about getting re-married .... "I'm having a baby" .... other updates about ordinary (but wonderful) little things in OppositeLand .... "Having another baby" Like I said above - it has been a privilege to have read your full run of posts over the last (what is it ? 7 years ?) Inspirational. A real time real life example of "fully informed choice" in action. Thank you NYAG. Your posts have probably helped more people than you'll ever know.
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Post by richfairy72 on Feb 15, 2019 18:56:33 GMT -5
Thank You for the update. An inspirational story and one that gives hope for a happier future to us all. It's great so many people check in now and again.
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Post by smith227 on Feb 15, 2019 21:22:28 GMT -5
I’m so happy for you. It’s so nice to see happy posts on here about normal loving relationships. I can’t wait to get away from my roommate. Even if it’s just to be alone. You’re inspirational!
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Post by tirefire on Feb 17, 2019 18:26:09 GMT -5
Yes, thank you. There can never be too many reminders how happy you can be in a relationship. Congratulation on the 5 years!
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Post by workingonit on Feb 17, 2019 18:58:19 GMT -5
Amazing! What a great update! Keep appreciating your functional and nurturing relationship!
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Post by choosinghappy on Feb 17, 2019 20:12:55 GMT -5
Very happy for you 😊
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Post by solodriver on Feb 17, 2019 21:53:58 GMT -5
Thank you so much for sharing! I enjoy hearing from people in opposite land. It gives me hope that I can find happiness one day too! Me too sadkat
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Post by baza on Feb 17, 2019 22:13:39 GMT -5
Thank you so much for sharing! I enjoy hearing from people in opposite land. It gives me hope that I can find happiness one day too! Me too sadkat I guess that's the thing Sister sadkat . In between 'where one is now' and 'where happiness might reside' - there is an intermediate step that has to happen. That being going from 'in an ILIASM deal' to 'being single'. (I just put up a thread on this subject) And there is no guarantee attached to taking this step to 'single'. There's a whole lot of testimony in here from people who left reporting greatly enhanced lives and finding fulfilling relationships. But no guarantees. Personally, I think that if one is not comfortable with being single for a while (maybe a long while) then the leaving option has a big question mark besides it.
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Post by sadkat on Feb 17, 2019 22:38:27 GMT -5
Me too sadkat I guess that's the thing Sister sadkat . In between 'where one is now' and 'where happiness might reside' - there is an intermediate step that has to happen. That being going from 'in an ILIASM deal' to 'being single'. (I just put up a thread on this subject) And there is no guarantee attached to taking this step to 'single'. There's a whole lot of testimony in here from people who left reporting greatly enhanced lives and finding fulfilling relationships. But no guarantees. Personally, I think that if one is not comfortable with being single for a while (maybe a long while) then the leaving option has a big question mark besides it. Yes baza- I understand what you are saying. I don’t have a problem being single- I’m actually looking forward to some time on my own. But it doesn’t stop me from hoping for a loving relationship in the future. I know there are no guarantees but there is always hope.
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Post by baza on Feb 17, 2019 22:46:40 GMT -5
There's a 'sort of' guarantee in the leaving option Sister sadkat . That being that you guarantee yourself a shot at happiness in the future. There's no such shot at it in ones ILIASM deal. And, the testimony of many leavers here is such that your 'hope' has some basis in fact.
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Post by nyartgal on Feb 18, 2019 21:51:08 GMT -5
Thank you all! It made me feel so good to hear my experience has helped others in any way. That’s why I keep coming back periodically with updates—I know when you’re mired in the confusion and fog and frustration of a SM, a lifeline to “normal” outside can be a big help! Yes, baza, it’s been almost 7 years! I arrived at the old EP site in something like late June 2012 with my marriage already on the rocks but not quite over. Almost immediately, you, Enna, Chai and others took me under your wings, asked the hard questions, and helped me gain confidence that I wasn’t nuts but my marriage sure was! I got together with SSSG in late Oct 2012, got pregnant (very much on purpose) in early July 2013, married Feb 14, 2014 (the only day we were free to go to City Hall that week, but turned out to be a good idea), and our daughter was born exactly one month later. I couldn’t have predicted this if MY LIFE HAD DEPENDED ON IT. Meanwhile, my H left for a work trip back home on Thursday night (our anniversary) and on Saturday was already sending me messages about missing me and how no one understands him the way I do. How wonderful to be APPRECIATED. I never felt that with my ex. I felt like he had a secret grading system for me I could never measure up to no matter what. Life is short! I am glad to spend these last 6.5 years in Opposite Land!
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