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Post by carl on Feb 12, 2019 20:22:27 GMT -5
shamwow. That combination of honesty and trust is definitely a sign that you have a great relationship. It’s really what we all should aspire to.
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Post by Handy on Feb 12, 2019 22:30:52 GMT -5
northstarmom Thus, it is to her advantage for you to think she is your only option.
NSM, I know my W tries to keep me around for her benefit. I know I act too responsible for my own good. I also know I am risk adverse. What I am doing is developing friendships outside my marriage to see how things go, learn what works for me and I look for comparability traits in other people.
A lot of my problems center around being overly responsible, which leads to some guilt on my part if I think I am violating some long held social norms.
I don't know if I am making progress but today I invited Widow-2 to join us for lunch. Widow-1 was there too because she is a family friend and more my W's friend. My W asked me if I was happy with going to lunch with 3 wives.
When some people get our age we go to a few too many funerals, some have failing eye-site, other have medical issues/surgeries, so it is a good idea to have lots of friends that can help each other out in time of need.
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onlyhuman
Junior Member
Learning to be all right with what I want.
Posts: 30
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Post by onlyhuman on Feb 12, 2019 22:39:26 GMT -5
When some people get our age we go to a few too many funerals, some have failing eye-site, other have medical issues/surgeries, so it is a good idea to have lots of friends that can help each other out in time of need. Too bad your W hasn't been there for you in your "time of need", handy. 😕
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Post by Handy on Feb 12, 2019 22:46:53 GMT -5
OH, my W would be there for me if I had some physical disability related to surgery. What the main problem is she thinks people need to solve their own problems and not rely on anyone else if the person giving the help doesn't want to give help or emotional support. Her opinion is, if there is the slightest doubt you want to be involved, then don't get involved and only do what you want and like to do. She doesn't like to do anything difficult, anything that takes time or skills and it has to be something she LIKES doing. She didn't like her part time job so she quit. Other things she decided she didn't like, she quit. So now she watches TV 14 hrs a day and has the cat or dog sit with her. She likes cats and dogs, so that works for her.
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Post by baza on Feb 12, 2019 22:54:24 GMT -5
The general principle you are operating on here Brother Handy - "developing friendships outside my marriage to see how things go, learn what works for me and I look for comparability traits in other people" - is a very sound policy to persue. Expanding your social network (which by default will expand your support network) is a very smart strategy....particularly if your primary relationship is not providing much in the way of support.
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Post by Handy on Feb 12, 2019 23:02:17 GMT -5
Baza, I used to work so many hours, I didn't maintain many social contacts outside of work.. I know all work most likely had some negative consequences so I thought that was an area that needed improving. I have the money and responsibility part of life mastered, maybe too well, so I decided the social side of me was where to invest a bit more time.
I always thought exercising was wasting energy and people just needed to do some physical work. Well going to yoga 2x a week and doing some other physical recreational activities is another area I now spend time doing. I told one friend I needed to learn how to have some fun. I am actually not feeling guilty for not working so I guess I am making progress.
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