Today the girls (9 and 11) left at 6am with the stbx to go skiing in Switzerland. The first of many vacations apart. It was a tough day. I was pretty weepy. Little things would set me off and I’d have a little cry.
But I’m feeling steady now. Calm. And still absolutely convinced that divorce is the right move.
I think this past week was the deep point. There will be ups and downs over the coming months, but I’m already looking forward to rebuilding my life. It feels like a fresh start.
Good for you friend!
There will also be plenty of trips for just you and your daughters in the future! ( a fresh start)
Trips that will not include their dad. Trips where they can see the stark difference in how both parents treat them, respect them, love them ,and the example you give them . An example that will show them what a healthy relationship ought to be!
Then there will be some of the simplest moments together at home with your daughters, how you react to their requests for friends, clothes, money, food, keeping their room clean etc...
Lot's of rebuilding... for all of you!
Your STBX? No longer your problem, no longer your concern. Parallel parenting ,and as much detachment ,and distance as possible!
You will be a light in a dark place. ( you always where, only now you get to shine! much brighter than before!)
Thank you. I’m not going to type more right now. I don’t want to start crying again! But thank you for your kind words and encouragement.
Just a little request. I’m headed into our 3rd mediation meeting. I’m a little nervous, but not as bad as last time. Send me good vibes! Positive thoughts! Strength! Wisdom! I’d like to wrap this pain pit of a marriage up and move the fuck on!
I have a few important points to make. 1. Stbx isn’t freely sharing financial info. I have a copy of a report he says doesn’t exist. I wonder how that will go over. 2. I want a temporary alimony agreement- giving me the ability to start looking for a place to live. 3. We divide the joint property equitably. Everything we own is joint property. 4. When does our parenting contract go into effect?
elynne, you’re making good progress. Keep standing your ground and don’t let him wear you down emotionally.
The person who has the most emotional investment in the outcome (“I *must* have the children every Christmas”) always gets the worse deal because they’ll compromise to get there. When you feel the urge to compromise, step back and let your lawyer carry on.
Be bold in your attitude. Make statements, not requests. Assume as fact, and make him prove it’s not. “This is the parenting schedule we discussed; there’s no reason it can’t be effected immediately.”
Your lawyer would be the one to advise on negotiations, but think about how you can paint a picture that he’s avoiding a worse outcome. Like “If you agree to alimony terms effective immediately, I won’t press for the maximum entitlement in court.”
Mediation again today. I’m ready to put this to bed and move on!
Well prepared. I’ve got my strategy in place. I know what I want - my starting position. I know what my bottom limit is. If the STBX is unreasonable and unwilling to come to a mutually acceptable agreement I’m ready to simply end mediation and let a judge decide. He’ll soon find that I’m more generous than a judge will be.
frednsa: i saw something on the wedding night (in the 60's) should have ended it during the honeymoon. i was played so perfectly. she is so wonderful in almost every other way, so...still wondering...thinking frigidity is a real thing and untreatable
Aug 29, 2019 12:07:04 GMT -5
worksforme2: Tomorrow is Labor Day 2019, no big plans for the day....thinking seriously of going commando
Sept 1, 2019 11:37:07 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey ironhamster...I just saw your picture on another site and your head wasn't covered. You actually look better without the bandana....
Sept 2, 2019 11:54:55 GMT -5
javba: Dunno Iron Hamster - I have not seen your other photo - I think you ROCK anyways.
Sept 4, 2019 10:11:42 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happened across Tamara68 on another site, messaged her but she didn't respond...
Sept 15, 2019 13:13:02 GMT -5
elkclan2: Dealing with an escaped gerbil. Fun times.
Sept 16, 2019 13:01:50 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: 1. Hope tamara is doing well. 2. Elkclan2, did you catch the critter???
Sept 17, 2019 15:40:05 GMT -5
worksforme2: Tamara answered me yesterday. She and her partner are moving into a house next week. It's probably about as good as is possible. She didn't comment on the situation with her daughter.
Sept 17, 2019 17:46:02 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Thanks for the update; just hope she is happy
Sept 17, 2019 19:49:55 GMT -5
workingonit: Elkclan2 my son's gerbil escaped at the same time as his pet snake. I did not think it was a coincidence!
Sept 17, 2019 20:40:26 GMT -5
hopingforachange: Wow, is been forever since I read the shoutbox.
Sept 17, 2019 21:33:01 GMT -5
hopingforachange: I need to set up another Skype session.
Sept 17, 2019 21:33:16 GMT -5