I finally have started our divorce
Feb 10, 2019 4:11:16 GMT -5
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Dan, DryCreek, and 22 more like this
Post by elynne on Feb 10, 2019 4:11:16 GMT -5
I’m going to keep this quite brief and factual since I suspect that the stbx monitors me electronically.
Alimony law in the Netherlands is in the process of changing. It is moving from 12 to 5 years (though it may not apply in my situation). The day the law passed it’s first hurdle the stbx stopped couples therapy, admitted that our marriage sucked and stated he was unwilling to do anything about it. My calm reply: that leaves us with one option. To end it.
We’ve had one mediation session - I was horribly ill-prepared. I naively thought that if I made a good faith effort to come to a middle ground he’d meet me part of the way. That was foolish.
Our next mediation session is February 14th 😅. And I’m ready. I’ve gone through everything with a fine tooth comb, and with google translate. I know where I’m willing to compromise, what concessions I am willing to make. And I know my legal rights. STBX is in for the battle of his life. He should have played nicely while he had the chance.
There is still a ton of uncertainty- finding a place to live is my biggest concern. But I am so looking forward to picking up the pieces of my life and moving forward without his financial, emotional, verbal and sometimes physical abuse.
I want to thank everyone here at ILIASM for your support and guidance. For pushing me. It was necessary. I was in such a dark place I couldn’t find my way out. A good therapist was a godsend! Good legal advice also!
I know I’m going through the worst part of the divorce now - and despite all of the uncertainty, strangely I feel more at peace than I have in years. I’ve taken my power back. I’m back in charge of my life. And seeing the STBX shout and throw things and slam doors, threaten and attempt to shame and manipulate me.... makes me realize how powerless and threatened he actually feels and what a good move divorce is!
I’m sure he’ll manage to hide some funds. He’ll probably get away with spending over 25,000 in savings on upgrades to the house (he’ll keep the house and the upgrades were against my wishes and after we discussed divorce). But it’s time to cut my losses. Getting out in one piece, having the freedom to make my own choices, plan my own life, feeling safe, having the chance to find happiness again - that is the end goal.
Alimony law in the Netherlands is in the process of changing. It is moving from 12 to 5 years (though it may not apply in my situation). The day the law passed it’s first hurdle the stbx stopped couples therapy, admitted that our marriage sucked and stated he was unwilling to do anything about it. My calm reply: that leaves us with one option. To end it.
We’ve had one mediation session - I was horribly ill-prepared. I naively thought that if I made a good faith effort to come to a middle ground he’d meet me part of the way. That was foolish.
Our next mediation session is February 14th 😅. And I’m ready. I’ve gone through everything with a fine tooth comb, and with google translate. I know where I’m willing to compromise, what concessions I am willing to make. And I know my legal rights. STBX is in for the battle of his life. He should have played nicely while he had the chance.
There is still a ton of uncertainty- finding a place to live is my biggest concern. But I am so looking forward to picking up the pieces of my life and moving forward without his financial, emotional, verbal and sometimes physical abuse.
I want to thank everyone here at ILIASM for your support and guidance. For pushing me. It was necessary. I was in such a dark place I couldn’t find my way out. A good therapist was a godsend! Good legal advice also!
I know I’m going through the worst part of the divorce now - and despite all of the uncertainty, strangely I feel more at peace than I have in years. I’ve taken my power back. I’m back in charge of my life. And seeing the STBX shout and throw things and slam doors, threaten and attempt to shame and manipulate me.... makes me realize how powerless and threatened he actually feels and what a good move divorce is!
I’m sure he’ll manage to hide some funds. He’ll probably get away with spending over 25,000 in savings on upgrades to the house (he’ll keep the house and the upgrades were against my wishes and after we discussed divorce). But it’s time to cut my losses. Getting out in one piece, having the freedom to make my own choices, plan my own life, feeling safe, having the chance to find happiness again - that is the end goal.