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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 28, 2019 20:20:54 GMT -5
Been through most of these responses myself.
No 1 If i believed legit i would show sympathy and accept the situation. (For what its worth i now believe that a lot of what i thought was legit is bullshit. No 2 When Bullshit was thrown my way would call her out on it start a fight and throw a childish tantrum. (Would matter something along the lines of Go Fuck Yourself im not doing xyz)
Now None of the above happens as i dont initiate and have accepted the situation and know the deal. I find solace in other areas of my life.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jan 28, 2019 20:33:09 GMT -5
This is a weird question for me. I did get excuses that seemed credible for years and I believed them and took whatever crumbs would come my way. Eventually I just got the one excuse "I am just fucked up. I am sorry. Something is wrong with me. I am working on it and it will get better." That was what I heard for 5 years. It is hard to have any reaction to that. If I pushed he would act like a beaten puppy - complete with crying at times. I stopped pushing. Eventually I stopped asking. Ditto. Aaaaall of this. When propositioning your H for sex leads to him crying, it quickly leads you to stop asking. But that doesn’t take away the overarching desire and frustration, unfortunately.
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Post by Handy on Jan 28, 2019 23:57:52 GMT -5
Workingonit I just got the one excuse "I am just fucked up. I am sorry. Something is wrong with me. I am working on it and it will get better." That was what I heard for 5 years. It is hard to have any reaction to that. If I pushed he would act like a beaten puppy - complete with crying at times.
I can understand the "I am just fucked up. I am sorry." Once when everything seemed like it was caving in on me, I kind of felt that was so messed up that my W would want to leave. I was having major health issues and coudn't do my physical demanding job any longer, the local economy was in the tank so finding a new job was out of the question and the health insurance companies were trying to pawn me off on each other. I wound up hiring an attorney, which I was dead against until the world wa crumbling around me.
No crying but things looked very dark.
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 29, 2019 3:20:55 GMT -5
Legit excuse - I would accept, say nothing and that was that (whilst feeling disappointed maybe even upset).
Non legit excuses- I would accept and show no sign that I knew or believed that it was not a legit excuse. I even used to hide any disappointment/upset.
All of the above was because I foolishly thought that it was wrong to be oppressive regarding sex (which it is) and that any attempt to persuade her in to sex after a refusal or display frustration/upset/anger or any other negative emotion was a form of oppression.
After a couple of years I stopped initiating sex for at least 4-5 weeks after the last time and I would have anything between 3-5 further weeks of further waiting and or being rejected before she would eventually initiate sex with me.
My wife has never been up for ‘no’ sex but she’s got a crazily low libido and likes sex under all her own circumstances, her terms, her preference.
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muzack
Junior Member
Posts: 75
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Post by muzack on Jan 29, 2019 6:47:53 GMT -5
My wife has never been up for ‘no’ sex but she’s got a crazily low libido and likes sex under all her own circumstances, her terms, her preference. Same story, but the gaps between encounters keeps getting longer. At 1 to 2 times a year now when all the stars align perfectly for her libido to kick in.
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 29, 2019 20:03:38 GMT -5
My wife has never been up for ‘no’ sex but she’s got a crazily low libido and likes sex under all her own circumstances, her terms, her preference. Same story, but the gaps between encounters keeps getting longer. At 1 to 2 times a year now when all the stars align perfectly for her libido to kick in. Who initiates the 1-2 times a year?
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muzack
Junior Member
Posts: 75
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Post by muzack on Jan 30, 2019 17:38:25 GMT -5
She does. Those are the times she tells me, Let's have sex "after my period is over" or "next week" or whatever and it actually happens. Sex really doesn't occur unless she has had it on her mind several days.
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Post by Handy on Jan 30, 2019 19:02:13 GMT -5
How do I respond to refusal?
The game has been over for a while so I don't respond anymore. NO reward/resolution = no participation.
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Post by shamwow on Jan 30, 2019 19:46:16 GMT -5
She does. Those are the times she tells me, Let's have sex "after my period is over" or "next week" or whatever and it actually happens. Sex really doesn't occur unless she has had it on her mind several days. Not to sound offensive, but she appears to have you well trained. That being said... I was too.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jan 30, 2019 20:55:06 GMT -5
She does. Those are the times she tells me, Let's have sex "after my period is over" or "next week" or whatever and it actually happens. Sex really doesn't occur unless she has had it on her mind several days. Not to sound offensive, but she appears to have you well trained. That being said... I was too. I think we all are/were, Shammy. It took a number of years but I knew when I could or couldn’t proposition my ex, in what ways might possibly have the slightest chance of being positively received, when not to even bother thinking of approaching the topic. He didn’t have to do much to cause me to recede quickly if he wasn’t interested, like a damn trained seal. Fuck, it’s infuriating now...
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Post by shamwow on Jan 30, 2019 21:42:15 GMT -5
Not to sound offensive, but she appears to have you well trained. That being said... I was too. I think we all are/were, Shammy. It took a number of years but I knew when I could or couldn’t proposition my ex, in what ways might possibly have the slightest chance of being positively received, when not to even bother thinking of approaching the topic. He didn’t have to do much to cause me to recede quickly if he wasn’t interested, like a damn trained seal. Fuck, it’s infuriating now... Oh, yes. The most infuriating thing is how damn hard it is to see when in it but how crystal clear things are when out.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jan 30, 2019 22:35:33 GMT -5
I think we all are/were, Shammy. It took a number of years but I knew when I could or couldn’t proposition my ex, in what ways might possibly have the slightest chance of being positively received, when not to even bother thinking of approaching the topic. He didn’t have to do much to cause me to recede quickly if he wasn’t interested, like a damn trained seal. Fuck, it’s infuriating now... Oh, yes. The most infuriating thing is how damn hard it is to see when in it but how crystal clear things are when out. Amen.
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Post by carl on Feb 2, 2019 7:38:11 GMT -5
I would respond to the illegitimate excuses in the same way as the legit ones because I am not a mind reader. So for a long while I was patient. After sometime I pressed her and her excuse was that this needed sorting or that needed doing. This or that person has disrespected her, we weren’t living in the best area, not in a good enough house. So I changed what she asked making a huge effort but that made zero difference. At least though I benefited from a lot of the improvements too. But in the end my response to the bullshit was panic. I was lost and scared being married with children to someone who seemed to be destroying everything. No reason, no feelings. I would beg her to talk and she would literally roll over, give me her back and actually fall asleep, whilst I would sit in the yard or in the basement and chain smoke or drink myself to sleep. I am older now and her crummy attitude to sex doesn’t scare me at all and true to my character I am not prone to panicking. Once I learn , I learn well and I don’t need to learn again. So my response now, not that I would need to get one would be total and utter indifference. It would be like going for a game of racket ball and bringing my fishing gear.
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Post by shamwow on Feb 2, 2019 8:10:16 GMT -5
I would respond to the illegitimate excuses in the same way as the legit ones because I am not a mind reader. So for a long while I was patient. After sometime I pressed her and her excuse was that this needed sorting or that needed doing. This or that person has disrespected her, we weren’t living in the best area, not in a good enough house. So I changed what she asked making a huge effort but that made zero difference. At least though I benefited from a lot of the improvements too. But in the end my response to the bullshit was panic. I was lost and scared being married with children to someone who seemed to be destroying everything. No reason, no feelings. I would beg her to talk and she would literally roll over, give me her back and actually fall asleep, whilst I would sit in the yard or in the basement and chain smoke or drink myself to sleep. I am older now and her crummy attitude to sex doesn’t scare me at all and true to my character I am not prone to panicking. Once I learn , I learn well and I don’t need to learn again. So my response now, not that I would need to get one would be total and utter indifference. It would be like going for a game of racket ball and bringing my fishing gear. Ouch. This sounded familiar. Thank God I'm done with that shit now.
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Post by rejected101 on Feb 12, 2019 14:34:46 GMT -5
She does. Those are the times she tells me, Let's have sex "after my period is over" or "next week" or whatever and it actually happens. Sex really doesn't occur unless she has had it on her mind several days. So basically, a lot like my wife has done over the years, when **she** fancies having sex **she** let’s you know and only because you are starved so badly of sex you enthusiastically agree like some sort of dog that runs to its owner when called because there’s a treat being pulled out of the pocket. **She** uses you for sex. It didn’t occur to me until around a couple of years ago that low sex drive people can be the one using their spouse for sex. I had always previously believed it would only work the other way around but definitely not! I was used for sex for years without saying anything as I didn’t want to be that partner who was seen to pressure their partner in any conceivable way and she took full advantage. Turn me away and reject me all the time until **she** fancied riding my cock.
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