Post by solodriver on Jan 21, 2019 20:42:53 GMT -5
I actually got more out of seeing the entire TED talk. Thanks again choosinghappy. I think I can see how you applied this to your SM. Maybe you could share how you applied the "What If...?" to your SM when you have some time so others can figure out how to apply it specifically to their SMs and the changes they will fear to make that they need to make in order to be happier.
Like he said and others have said, it won't be necessarily be easy to go through, but looking at yourself and others, that walk will be well worth it in order to have a better, healthier, happier life than the one we are currently experiencing in our SMs.
I didn't realize I was doing a form of this exercise as I am using my "T-Minus" (My Status) thread. That's exactly how NASA prepared for each manned space flight. They created every possible "What If" scenario that could happen and then the astronauts trained on those scenarios and created possible solutions that could be used in case it happened. Then when things did go wrong they were ready to deal with them.
And sometimes, things can happen that we are totally unprepared for.
And there is the value of this group. People sharing ideas that people in those situations can try until they find success and not just throw their hands up and say "I can't do this." If you look at the members of this board as a "Mission Control Team" who can support each of us as we go through this SM experience. But, ultimately, it is up to us to make the decisions we need to make to make our lives better or continue to live in SMs that will continue to damage us in so many ways and never feel the happiness we so desperately seek.
I think a good movie to watch to understand what I'm saying is "Apollo 13", or more recently the movie about Apollo 11.
It’s hard to continue to love someone romantically who doesn’t love you back in the way you need to feel like a whole person.
Post by choosinghappy on Jan 21, 2019 21:22:30 GMT -5
solodriver Oh no, I didn’t actually apply it to my SM as I just came across it today (and haven’t had a chance to actually watch the whole talk yet), I just thought it could be helpful for someone.
I know for me, in the past if I have had certain fears about things I will sometimes sit down and list out every potential thing I can think of that could be an issue if I do x/y/z. I write down every fear associated with taking that action/making that change, no matter how small or stupid they may seem, and then I read my list and think about how I would handle each of those things. It breaks the overarching fear down into what ends up often being very manageable steps combined with mostly unfounded fears. Scary as a whole but when I examine closer, not so scary or impossible. (Sort of like leaving a marriage...)
worksforme2: Real Mustang Guy....To see the latest posts, stories, replies, move your scroll arrow left to ILIASM Forum and wait. The General Category will appear. Move your arrow downto the word General and left click. All the categories will appear.
Oct 22, 2019 17:19:53 GMT -5
RealMustangGuy: Thank you worksforme2. That helps but this site is really confusing for me for some reason. I'll keep trying to figure it out though. Thank you again for your explanation.
Oct 23, 2019 8:15:40 GMT -5
RealMustangGuy: misssunnybunny, thank you as well for your link. I'll study that and hopefully it will help me figure this site out.
Oct 23, 2019 8:16:35 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: You're welcome! I do hope it helps.
Oct 23, 2019 20:44:53 GMT -5
RealMustangGuy: Hope everyone has a great weekend.
Oct 26, 2019 9:02:26 GMT -5
warmways: Happy birthday solodriver!
Oct 30, 2019 9:17:55 GMT -5
solodriver: Thanks warmways
Oct 30, 2019 23:36:15 GMT -5
RealMustangGuy: When using a member's username in a post, how does one get it to be in different color and work as a link? I can type in the name but after posting it doesn't look the same as when others use member's usernames in their posts.
Nov 2, 2019 11:37:25 GMT -5
bfar: Just stumbled on this article:https://masculinebydesign.com/sexless-marriage-is-symptomatic-of-emasculated-husbands/ was more than a little disconcerting. Are we digging ourselves further in the hole by trying to be all enlightened and sensitive?
Nov 3, 2019 13:46:42 GMT -5
petrushka: Mate, what's the alternative to all enlightened and sensitive here? Rape? Coercion? Sexual assault? Thanks, but I can do better than being a complete arsehole (or psychopath for that matter).
Nov 3, 2019 21:11:53 GMT -5
bfar: Petrushka... I'm just wondering if we shot ourselves in the foot, as it were, by giving giving up on our strength, and giving in to the feminist agenda of making men irrelevant.
Nov 5, 2019 11:30:21 GMT -5
petrushka: Sorry, I don't buy into that at all. I'm not giving up anything. I've been into the "feminist agenda" for nearly 60 years. Having an empowered partner empowers me. I want strong women around me who take responsibility for themselves and who can face me
Nov 5, 2019 17:20:16 GMT -5
petrushka: I see 'strong men', and controlling bullies, as basically weak, lacking confidence and self esteem -- hence they think they need to assert themselves that way. I loathe patriarchy as much as matriarchy. Partners should be equals.
Nov 5, 2019 17:24:43 GMT -5
petrushka: In my world view, you are buying into some really shitty memes there.
Nov 5, 2019 17:25:20 GMT -5
apocrypha: The "feminist agenda" has changed across the past 60 years. Some feminists of the 60's call the current iteration "fainting couch feminism", thinking it a subversion and betrayal of women's lib. Hard to get a bead on what folks think, using a broad label.
Nov 8, 2019 9:37:14 GMT -5
apocrypha: No aspect of that article (which I amount to a magazine offering bad diet advice) promotes rape, coercion (beyond seduction), sexual assault, and I don't understand your public performance suggesting that they would be and thus implicating bfar.
Nov 8, 2019 9:41:51 GMT -5
mirrororchid: pfar, being sensitive means understanding how others think and feel. It doesn't mean you are compelled to adopt their thoughts and feelings. This is a matter of understanding people including loved ones. If you aren't sensitive, you lack tools to
Nov 11, 2019 8:09:49 GMT -5
mirrororchid: live well. You need not soften, but you should be able to understand vulnerability. Recognizing others' distress provides me with cues when I need to use self-control or extend help. If you're strong, you should be helping others. Use what works.
Nov 11, 2019 8:14:06 GMT -5