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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2016 16:37:51 GMT -5
Isabellas39 , so what was his response to your questions about the open marriage? And what kind of "Companionship" does he like? Do you guys bowl together or watch your favorite TV shows together? There are PILES men running around in Sexless Marriages not by their own choosing, so I don't think you would have any trouble finding a "One Woman Man". But the rest of it -- impromptu playfulness; evenings, nights, and mornings; and the rest of the things we associate with committed relationships -- are nearly impossible with an affair. Checkmate. Creel, his response is always that he knows he's being selfish...I believe he prefers to bury his head in the sand as long as nothing in his world changes. There were times he would say he knows I will leave eventually, and I can't stop myself from asking him how can he make retirements plans with me in mind if he truly believes that ? When I asked the open marriage question he asked me what I will tell the kids that just made me shake my head.. I understand that in an affair certain things will never happen, but I seem to find the most clueless assholes...They act as if having an affair means the woman must accept whatever scraps they give. Conversation ? In the beginning that seems fine, but then it gets to the point where they're always busy with some shit...Creativity and romance ? Forget about that too because if you can't come up with things to do, and talk about all you get is more of the same and silence. I don't think it's easy to find men in completely sexless marriages because for many it's about frequency..One guy I spoke to said the frequency was once every two weeks, and they had weekly date nights. I don't know, maybe I attract clueless men! The long term planning is a funny thing. I don't get that. My wife does that -- or used to -- quite a bit. Eventually she noticed I wasn't participating in the plans. It seems like THAT would be so easy. Participate SOME, and live a healthy, happy, and fulfilling life? It seems just that simple. But I guess there's always another agenda or they married someone that is simply repulsive to them. But not repulsive enough not to have a couple kids. Not repulsive enough not to take vacations with. And thankfully not repulsive to everyone else. Attract Clueless men? Sure. You attract LOTS of men (trust me -- I know). Clueless ones, smart ones, fun ones, all different kinds. You just have to sift through the junk sometimes. Just remember: Sometimes even the best and most creative folks need a little help. And, if you help with really fun and interesting stuff and that's not working with him, he's not the one.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2016 16:42:00 GMT -5
Oh, Isabellas39, your husband's response to the open marriage pisses me off. Using the kids -- and your innate morality -- to bind your hands. I'd say you're probably safe to find that affair partner and be totally irresponsible with him. H would never figure it out. Obviously doesn't care.
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Post by nyartgal on Jun 10, 2016 18:13:09 GMT -5
This isn't exactly an answer to your question but just my personal experience. I had one affair, I didn't look for it or plan to have one. It BLEW MY MIND and there was absolutely no way I was going to live in a SM after that. For one thing, it awoke my sexuality in a way that was impossible to put back into cold storage, and for another it made me so deeply angry at my ex knowing that in fact I was very desirable and sexy and great in bed, all things he had worked so hard to make me forget.
So, even if you find the ideal AP, it doesn't mean you will necessarily be able to go back to business as usual when it's over.
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Post by obobfla on Jun 10, 2016 18:28:58 GMT -5
I have had two affairs. They both saved me. After going sexless and doing all that I could for our sexual relationship, I happened upon an online group much like this one. After corresponding with a couple of the ladies (no, I did not send dick pics), One zeroed in on me. She was in Cape Cod, but she visited her sister often. Her sister happened to live 30 miles north of me.
We talked about a lot of stuff online, including sex and kids. Eventually, she came down to Florida where we met in a hotel room. Within a minute after meeting, we were having sex. We met three more times, including two weekends at the beach. Distance broke us up, but I am so grateful to what she gave me. She made me feel like a man again.
I had another last summer, which also restored my male ego. For me, the affairs have reminded me what I have missed. I felt less sorry for myself, and self pity can be fatal for me.
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